How guys can get aroused when they’re not into their partner


There are times when you’re just not into having sex with your partner but you’ve planned for the big moment and you don’t want to disappoint. So how do you get into the mood? How do you get your mojo working?

What if you can’t get it up?

If your dick not aroused…maybe it’s trying to tell you something…

Pay attention to your body…what will feel good?

You don’t have to have a hard dick all the time.

Breathe deeply, pay attention to your body, call it (your shame) out…

As porn actors say, it’s easy for women to at least accept a guy’s advances, but for men – it’s a deal-killer. I’ve posted previously on how guys can get over premature ejaculation (PE) and general Erectile Dysfunction (ED).

For situational ED, consider this:

performance anxiety…need to be aroused & relaxed…pay attention to your masturbation patterns & habits…guys should jack off at least 1x/day using start/stop for each session…train your brain to make your arousal happen on demand

change your type of fantasy to relational

adopt a model for good-enough sex…avoid self criticism & contempt

Use sex aids.

Boner smoothies

“100mg of sildenafil, a double serving of NoXplode , 20oz. Pepsi and a Hydroxycut”


There are many sex-aids that can help a guy stay erect or cool his erection before he ejaculates so


he can have a prolonged session of sex and drive his partner into Ahegao  .

Often sex is a cover for a drive toward intimacy with your partner.

I’m a ‘behaviorist’ by preference, i.e., I believe you can act in certain ways that will induce feelings for yourself and others.

In this post, I’ll explain 2 things you can do to motivate your partner and you into shared intimacy by action.

When either you or your partner are not into having sex at the moment, turn to Tantra.

In 8 Ways To Start Exploring Tantric Sex (Or Take Your Practice To A Deeper Level)

Tantra practices are more about mastering and understanding our own energy than with the sex act in particular…

Diana Daffner, certified sexologist says:

“Tantra offers couples a way to approach their relationship as a sacred experience, both in and out of the bedroom. Bringing conscious attention to shared time together is what keeps love alive.”

Sex offers greater potential for pleasure when both partners are aware and mindful. Our senses awaken when our hearts are open.

In Tantric Sex 101: A Guide for Curious Couples 

Sally Valentine, who has a doctorate in clinical sexology and is a Tantric facilitator, says:

“[Tantric practices] assist in quieting the mind and activating sexual energy, directing it throughout the body to bring greater sense of well-being and higher states of consciousness,”

Tantra - The Art of Conscious Loving

In Tantric Sex 101: What It Is & How To Do It



Prepare your space.

Prepare yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Begin the process of slowly building sexual energy — the tantra.

Try these steps in order:

Breathe together

Once you’re breathing together and fully connected through eye contact, offer your partner some words to connect you further. Very lightly and slowly move your fingertips across parts of your partner’s body to awaken the nerves and heighten sensation, maintaining eye contact. Tease your partner by brushing your fingers close to the genitals and breasts but not actually touching them.

Get into the Yab-Yum position



Practice a few tantric kisses (check out 14 Tantric Kissing Techniques to Heat Up Your Love Life  )



Give each other a full-body tantric massage.

Explore touching all parts of your partner’s body


Tantra is a pathway, not just to sexual ecstasy but to personal healing and fulfillment.” ~ Andrew Barnes

If you do have sex, proceed slowly, and choose a position (or positions) that heightens your connection with your partner and preferably allows you to maintain eye contact. Most importantly, don’t lose the consciousness of the act. Stay focused and grounded in the moment, patiently allowing energy to build within yourselves and your connection.

Tantra may get you started but many people prefer to heighten their sexual arousal with BDSM.


Try blindfolding your partner and caress her body. Apply a rope harness to her. 

bd-sx5Bondage Around the House

For guys, a fantasy is an important trigger to initiating sex.


For many, BDSM is a lead into the sexual experience either as a dominant or submissive.

Start with a kiss. In 16 Kinds of Intimate Kisses & What They Mean ,


try Trail of Sweet Little Body Kisses – I love your body (when done slowly North to South, it’s a great tease…),

Basic French Kiss (mouths open tongues exploring together) – I want more of you, let’s take this further,


Dip Your Partner Kiss when one partner dips the other like in a dance (by supporting and tilting their head back)  – You make me feel playful and confident


If you want to dominate your partner, try the Tongue down the throat Kiss – I want to own/dominate you and be the dominant one.


If you’re submissive, try Sucking Partner’s Tongue Gently Kiss – I’m very comfortable with you and I want to be the submissive one

in I Talked to 1,400 Strangers About Their Sex Lives—Here’s What I Learned

We can all learn to be great lovers and partners…being good in bed, in partnership, and in life is similarly skill-based… it takes a bit of intentional practice.



Making body contact with your partner while they are bound can enhance arousal.

You can use BDSM as a fantasy to exercise in tapping into your imagination to elevate your sexual experiences from the purely physical to the psychologically fantastic. And it doesn’t have to hurt….


Turning sex into something playful and imaginative can bring two people closer together, cultivate trust, and whip your relationship into shape.

Try these steps:

Man tie woman's hands.

start by carefully binding your partner



With your partner bound and blindfolded gently explore their erogenous zones


Bind your partner with a hogtie and practice genital massage


If your partner wants to reciprocate let them bind you


When you both climax, hold her tight

In Amy Rushlow’s  A Peek Inside The BDSM Bedroom 

Sexual problems are generally less important during BDSM sex.

For men, sexual distress (such as inability to maintain an erection) was lower during BDSM sex. “For some people, BDSM can function as a way to engage in less distressing practices,” Pascoal says. “Or even if sexual functioning issues present themselves, they are seen as being less important or their emotional impact as lower.” (Sexual distress scores were similar in both BDSM and non-BDSM contexts for women.)


Kissing your partner while they are bound enhances the intimacy and helps to sustain it after sex.

This may be because BDSM sex is less genitally oriented, Pascoal says, or because functioning issues can be integrated into kinky play. “It also may highlight that BDSM works as a pleasurable safe sexual event for those who experience distress in non-BDSM contexts,” she says.



About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm-play, erectile-dysfunction, male, prematureEjaculation, relationships, sex and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to How guys can get aroused when they’re not into their partner

  1. Pingback: Guys! Your erection is your health | dave94015

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