No Wasted Ink Writer’s Links

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When You Know Who You Are, You Know What to Write

resist the temptation to write your story the way others like…stay true to yourself!

WordServe Water Cooler

public domain; pixabay.com public domain; pixabay.com

As writers and communicators, we’ve probably all heard the saying, “Communicate with the listener in mind.” I keep this statement on my desk to be reminded often that I need to be intentional in my writing – intentional to focus on clearly articulating the topic at hand with you – the reader – in mind. When I prepare a live presentation, the same practice applies. Like John Maxwell said in his book by the same title, “Everyone communicates, but few connect.”

If we only write or talk to have something to say, it does little good to anyone. And in a day when seemingly everyone has a platform of some kind, it matters even more that our words count.

Beware getting lost in the practice of communicating with your listeners/readers in mind, though.

In the private practice (counseling, coaching and consulting) my husband and I have, and in my teaching…

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A holiday like no other

some anxiety anticipating how things will go with a third who you don’t know too well

poly pride

three cherries

So we are on the count down to our first holiday in many years, but not any ordinary one, this will be my first ever experience of a true poly holiday (Excited!) .

So as the days count down I’m beginning to get ready and making all the usual preparations, but how do you prepare for going away with someone who you don’t know that we’ll yet?

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On the compatability and non-exclusivity of Hierarchical Poly, Relationship Anarchy and Solo Poly

Are hierarchical relationships contrary to polyamory? Is a non-hierarchy ” a way to avoid commitment”? Are all relationships somewhat unbalanced?

Speaking Luna

This originally started as a facebook comment, then became a tumblr rant, then became a FetLife note.  Finally it’s a blog post too!!


I’m so tired of the assumption that hierarchical polyamory is inherently normative, relationship escalator oriented, and exclusionary.

People often talk about poly in the context of being akin to loving/having multiple friends. So how is the concept of a primary different than having a best friend? One can have multiple primaries, just as one can have multiple best friends. Just because you have that categorization, it doesn’t mean that you’re somehow giving your other friends or partners the shaft – it simply means you’ve formed a unique type of relationship with whoever you’ve agreed upon that label with.

On the other side of things, I’ve often felt like being strictly non-hierarchical is often used as a way to avoid commitment, or otherwise treat people as “easy to…

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Oh No… This Isn’t A Break Up

why breaking up even from a ‘non-relationship’ can be emotionally bruising

Oh No, Not Another Blogger

casual-relationships-8.jpg

Like so many love stories, this one begins with two strangers meeting on a Saturday night in an overcrowded bar and ending with regrets.

Or rather, like so many modern undefined-relationship stories, this one actually begins with two people with mutual Facebook friends meeting IRL and ending via Whatsapp.

Oh yes, here we go: the non-relationship.

Just one of the key symptoms of contemporary hook up culture, the non-relationship comes in a dozen or so different forms – from fuckbuddy to placeholder to  won’t-say-I’m-in-LOVE – but all types include a studied air of nonchalance and fear of commitment by one or both involved.

According to statistics, around 60% of us experience casual, ‘friends with benefits’ relationships but less than 10% lead to anything long-term. Yet despite this landscape defined by rampant Tinder swiping and couples-that-don’t-call-themselves-couples, little is said about what happens when these relationships dissolve. And the truth is, no…

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A Whole New Dating Pool

the ins-and-outs of dating when you’re into poly…and maybe they’re not

Have Your Cake And Your Girlfriend Too!

Let’s face it. For many of us dating can be a nerve wracking experience. If you’re transitioning from Monogamy to Polyamory there are many things you may not be fully prepared for, especially if you already have an existing SO.

First, you have to find someone willing to go on a date with you. This can be difficult for many people. You might have to do things like shower, realize that your closet is outdated, cry in your closet, show up 20 minutes early so you can control the nervous sweating, watch the 20 minutes slowly tick by like hours, realize the nervous sweating is winning, nervously stick foot in mouth when your date shows up…

Surprise! There are less people in the Polyamory dating pool, although the numbers are on the rise. You can try meeting someone on a Polyamorous or regular Dating site, at a Polyamory meet up…

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Waiting with Pleasure

how what to some are trivial rituals and rules are to those in a #bdsm relationship a powerful reminder of the D/s dynamic

Grind_'n'_Throb

A confession. When I’m made to wait for my Dominant – perhaps told to cool my heels at a table or instructed to sit in the car like a little bitch – compliance often comes with a sexual rush.

This might be just one more aspect of D/s dynamics that seems ‘crazy’ to vanilla folks, and I’m not sure if other submissives feel the same way. Regardless, I’m turned on by both the instruction and act of waiting for my Dominant as one more action of submissive obedience. Because that’s my mindset and approach, submissive obedience is exactly what the act of waiting is.

Similar to the stab of lust I feel when she addresses me as, “boy” or responds to a question with  –  “ You’ll do as you’re told,” I derive pleasure from cheerfully  waiting while my Dominant does what suits her. It’s one more reinforcement that I…

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