Size does matter for guys

Women are attracted to penises, and the bigger the better.

dimensions matter and that, while there’s no clear “Golden Penis Ratio,” girth may be more important than people realize

men attribute more importance to penis size than their females.

guys will compare their size to other guy’s
Men fear women who will size them up
Some men think size is their best asset
some guys are comfortable with their size
other guys hardly notice

for some guys, size is a measure of their masculinity

An interesting post explains how women react to size and alternative ways of sexual satisfaction

for some guys, size is just a part of the package

A penis becomes attractive when it’s attached to someone who’s attractive in other ways, or when it’s about to bring someone pleasure. Women may prefer a hung guy for a hookup but will settle for an average sized guy for a LTR.

some guys come up short in the size department

Guys with diminutive dicks may need to be more creative with their hands and tongue. A youtube video discusses size attractiveness.

ladies are looking for the total package –
even average sized guys can make up the difference with morning wood

Size in male-male relationships

Men who have sex with other men view size differently than men who have sex with women.

Justin Lehmiller noted that the size of gay men is greater than straight men.

Men with below average penises were significantly more likely to identify as “bottoms” (anal receptive) and men with above average penises were significantly more likely to identify as tops (anal insertive). …men with below average penises fared significantly worse than other men on three measures of psychosocial adjustment.

Size needed for prostate stimulus. Many guys are discovering the pleasure from the stimulation of their prostate. Pegging or use of anal toys or anal sex are the more popular methods used. Below, a diagram of the location of the prostate gland. It can be reached digitally (i.e. with fingers), or with various toys.

Guys who like PIA prefer a size that can tap the prostate gland.

Prostate toys vs. anal sex.

There are 2 schools of thought: toys have greater flexibility than pegging with rigid dildos. Others claim that anal sex is more physically satisfying.

Though prostate stimulation and anal sex can both involve anal penetration, the two sex acts are totally different. Internal prostate stimulation takes a softer touch and involves more precise movements and smaller implements, such as fingers or small toys, rather than dildos or penises. Because a penis or dildo doesn’t have as much range of motion as smaller toys or fingers do, it’s difficult to effectively massage the prostate with them.

If guys are looking for PIA (penis in anus) with other guys, length and girth are important. Length is needed to reach the prostate. Girth is useful for stimulating the anal opening which has a concentration of nerves.

Quora has a discussion of size considerations for anal sex.

Psychology of size

Male anxiety may be driven, at least in part, by penis size preferences that men assume women have. The fact is that men who are dissatisfied with the size of their penis report more problems with their sexual health and have lower sexual self-esteem. (1)

For some, size concerns can become a Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) with a symptom of small penis anxiety (SPA)

men [with BDD] are absolutely adamant in their conviction that their genitalia are too small. They insist that they have measured themselves and seem inordinately focused on such measurement. They are similarly convinced that they are incapable of pleasing a woman via intercourse, although they are, by and large, not able to cite much evidence to show that this is true. In fact, many of these men admit to having had few or no sexual experiences. There is an implication that some of the few sexual experiences had by some of these men were with prostitutes. Many may have had only a single sexual encounter. Others state that they avoid sexuality entirely as they feel deeply ashamed of their penis size. All of these men affirm the belief that women would universally treat them with contempt if they were to see them nude.

Men with BDD are more likely to have erectile dysfunction and less satisfaction with intercourse than controls but maintain their libido.

Men with BDD and SPA were more likely than the controls to attempt to alter the shape or size of their penis (for example jelqing, vacuum pumps or stretching devices) with poor reported success.

“I’ve talked to men who have never even approached anyone for a romantic relationship because they don’t believe anyone would be interested in them because of their size. I’ve talked to men who have attempted suicide because of their size.”


(1) Ryan Anderson Ph.D. Size Does Matter About the phallus obsession.

Posted in male | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

A couple’s seaside vacation

Sensual femdom is best explained by the stories of those who practice it.

Setup: Mandy and Parker rent a beachside cottage with a deck that is exposed to the ocean and strollers. Parker kneels by Mandy as she collars him and attaches a lead. He is aroused by a pegging scenario.

Mandy arouses Parker when she tops him
She confirms that he is aroused by pleasuring her.

men need to feel convinced that renderings of the woman’s arousal aren’t fake but a representation of actual sexual excitement
They are both aroused by being seen by others.

“Healthy exhibitionism is a sex-positive celebration of the erotic” –

she demonstrates her possession of him by collaring

“a BDSM collar is the symbolism of ownership of the dom of the sub. It shows that the sub is under the complete command and control of the dom/master. In other words, when a sub is bound by a collar, s/he is bound to obey everything the master desires or orders the sub to do.”

he wants to show her his devotion and submission “Make them beg for more attention…and have them do so for a while before you give in. Since this type of domination is gentle and nurturing the only pain they should feel in this activity is the overwhelming torture of wanting to be close to you.” –
she becomes aroused by hearing his reaction to her administration of pain.
“The more pleasure you provide, the more pain your partner will be able to take. You can use this to your advantage to increase your partner’s…tolerance to pain and even to condition yourself to enjoy it.” –
he offers her the opportunity to show his submission to her to others.
A dominant woman doesn’t want a sub that is ashamed of his preference or their relationship…If you judge yourself and your desires, she will think you’re doing this to her. Be proud to be submissive.

This short story illustrates a “hedonistic” femdom relationship. Parker tries to be the best “sub” he can be. Mandy encourages Parker to pleasure her while she is directing and controlling the activity. Parker is aroused by pleasing Mandy. They explore sensual femdom together in a sexual submissive relationship where “the dominant person is taking charge and giving sexual orders to the submissive partner” ( )

Sensual domination, or loving domination, is a D/s relationship where instead of relying on degrading statements and acts to ‘prove’ their worth to their Dominant, they perform acts of service in order to receive praise and affection from their Dominant.

having the dom bring their sub’s head closer to their sweet spots, nestling it in such a way that both partners experience a sexual build-up
sensual bdsm emphasizes erotic sensations

this type of play uses the body’s senses as a way to arouse and provide stimulation. During sensation play, an altered state is induced by over stimulating or depriving the use of one or more of your partner’s senses — touch, sight, taste or hearing

Playing Outside: Under Her Control Kindle Edition

by Henrietta Soto 

Posted in femdom, sensual-femdom | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Are guys motivated by their libido? – the erotica premise

The best erotica for a guy is what gets him off. Does the libidinous impulse translate to real life? Can your partner really do as well as your fantasy?

Dean rents out his spare bedroom to Tara. Tara relaxes in his apartment and shows some skin. Dean gets aroused. Tara finds him getting off with her underwear. She senses his submissive side and seduces him with her dominance.

his arousal shows her that he likes to be dominated
erotica involves a buildup and a release of sexual tension
The first reaction to his libido is denial
libido is enhanced by a tease and promise if he would do what she wanted

As libido wanes he vacillates between what he really wants and what it will take to get it
his libido reasserts itself as she reminds him of his deeper need
his mind hesitates but his desires overrides his reluctance to go forward with her
his body capitulates to his desires

The erotic catharsis happens, his mind is cleared of doubts. If he repeats this experience many times with her, will he commit and continue to live with her?

In the end, Tara controls the sex with Dean her way by arousing him through her domination.

Under Her Heel: A Femdom Erotica Kindle Edition

by Dina Daring 

Under Her Heel: A Femdom Erotica by Dina Daring

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A short story about how Tara moves in with Dean. As roommates, she lives in his apartment scantily clad, while he steadily gets the hots for her. She finds him with her underwear and orders him to please her, discovering what makes him aroused: “deep down you want me to take control…you want to be disciplined…you need to obey what I tell you”. The story ends with a mutually enjoyable climax. As a short story it lacks dominance between Tara and Dean, but as erotica it gets to the point quickly. Unlike typical erotica, it has just one small typo (“food” for “foot”) and is well written. Try this sampler and watch for other writing from this author.

View all my reviews

Posted in bdsm, dating, erotica, femdom, relationships, sex, writing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Why guys should wear underwear

Underwear does more than keep your privates bouncing around all over the place. Underwear has become a fashion statement that may attract your partner in intimate settings

Underwear can be useful for hanging out during casual intimate encounters


Here are 11 reasons you should keep wearing underwear instead.


Chafing is a skin irritation that occurs when skin repeatedly rubs against skin or clothes. You’re putting yourself at risk of irritating your boys every time you go commando. The fabric of your pants, jeans, or shorts could be abrasive to your groin. Such clothes aren’t usually designed to be particularly gentle on this sensitive body part, unlike underwear.

As a second layer of clothing, underwear also serves as a barrier between your groin and the potentially irritating material, ensuring your package remains safe.


Officially called tinea cruris, crotch rot is a skin infection caused by wearing tight or wet clothes. As long as you keep yours clean, wearing underwear reduces your risk of getting crotch rot. Underwear absorbs sweat well, unlike pants, jeans, and shorts in general, keeping your boys dry.

Some underwear is made of sweat-wicking fabric (e.g., modal, micro modal, Tencel) which absorb and make sweat evaporate easily. Wearing such underwear greatly reduces your risk of getting crotch rot.

  1. YOU’LL LESS LIKELY HAVE PARTICULARLY EMBARRASSING SWEAT STAINS Apart from absorbing sweat well, underwear acts as a second layer of clothing that traps and prevents your sweat from staining your pants, jeans, or shorts.

You never know when you’ll want to dance for a friend


To avoid unwittingly showing more than you’d like, always wear underwear.

In case your pants fall down…you’ll be protected by your underwear

Clothes become fragile if you keep them for many years. Old clothes could break anytime. How mortifying it will be if your pants suddenly split in public. It won’t be so awful if you were wearing underwear. To be safe, always wear some.


How many times have you tried to shake your willy dry but still have a few drops in your drawers? You might’ve lost count already. There are many ways to avoid having this accident but men still suffer from it. It will get worse with age. To avoid unwittingly staining your front, always wear underwear.


Junior isn’t your only body part that leaks. So does your derriere. It’s called accidental bowel leakage (ABL). Incontinence, old age, and certain ailments, and food cause ABL. The discharge will show if you go commando, so to save yourself from having such a humiliating accident, always wear underwear.


Advocates of going commando swear it’s much more comfortable than wearing underwear. But many people say you have to get used to it first, so their claim isn’t entirely true.


Going commando leaves you with nothing but your own devices for seduction if you get lucky. No matter how hot you are, you could offend your partner if you come to the party with no drawers. Some people think it’s creepy.

if you’re gonna party…wear some underwear!
be sure your underwear covers your butt

guys! where’s the party??

if it’s pants optional…be sure to have your underwear on
you may need your underwear to attract someone
shake that thing!
choose underwear that lets your privates hang out comfortably

Underwear Fashions

maybe you’ll want underwear that matches your partner

basic wear for everyday use

match her bikini

stretch to fit

a tasteful way to display your package

underwear to flatter your derrière
cowboys can be fashionable
cowboys prefer ‘tighty-whities’ for the ranch…
but cowboys will dress up occasionally

cowboys may need some support when riding

There is also underwear designed to enhance your goods. An example is bulge-enhancing briefs. You can’t enjoy the benefits of such underwear if you decide to stop wearing underwear.


There is also underwear that lets you do role-play in the bedroom. An example is an underwear for go-go boys. Wearing such underwear will be great for a sultry show for your partner, which is sure to spice things up. Doing away with underwear leaves you with no opportunity to have such fun. How boring is that?

be sure to wear your underwear when you strip for your partner

The psychological effect of wearing underwear

Men’s underwear has to keep you comfortable from sunup to after dark. Function and support are key. However, a well designed, stylish set of underwear can set you apart. They can turn heads if they peak out at the club or about town. They can boost your confidence when you’re feeling down. Everyone in the world is faking it until they make it; don’t downplay the importance of looking and acting the part! Invest in your confidence and style from the foundation up. Amazing clothes over sagging old briefs isn’t going to make you feel like a new man every morning. Get men’s underwear that can stand up to your expectations.

Guys often wonder about the eternal question: boxers, briefs or trunks

The answer to the question «Boxers, trunks or briefs?» has therefore been multiple and contradictory. It is a symptom of an ongoing rewriting of male identity and aesthetics that is unhinging those prescribed categories that made briefs something at once old-fashioned, effeminate, and vulgar; classic boxers the epitome of masculinity; and trunks the unmemorable middle ground. It is precisely the latter category that remains the most popular: according to projections in a 2019 report, the trunks and boxer briefs were by far the best-selling category in the world as well as the one with the highest growth. It’s a type of performance that fits well with Aaron Gell’s definition of tight-fitting boxers in the pages of Hemispheres magazine in 2010, namely «one of the greatest apparel revolutions of the century». When they exploded in the early ’90s, thanks to Calvin Klein and his menswear director John Varvatos, boxer briefs were the middle ground between boxers, comfortable but associated with the lower classes, and the classic but outdated briefs, linked as much to the Boomer generation as to queer culture. A first example of these tight-fitting boxer briefs, in fact, had already appeared in 1980 with the cult movie American Gigolo in which Richard Gere wore a pair of short, semi-adherent boxer briefs designed by Giorgio Armani that became immediately popular at the time.

Tips: When going on a date always carry an extra pair of underwear.

Posted in underwear | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Monogamy: A lost foundation for intimacy

The downside of #polyamory is it might not be right for you. Here is an account from one who has tried it and didn’t like it for many reasons.




The advantages of FWB (also known as F…Buddy) are:

1.  It is not an avoidance of relationships – Contrary to some critics, having a fuck buddy is not the indulgence of some intimacy-avoidant, emotionally-stunted, horn-dog selfish clod.  It is a different type of sexual and emotional relationship, perhaps based more on fondness than on love, or perhaps a “love” that is more fraternal. 

2.  It can be the combination of sexuality and camaraderie without the components of long-term romance and domesticity – For some people, such as those with long-distance partners, having a fuck buddy means having some in-person companionship for local outings and recreation, and even sexual expression, but without the commitment and domestic component of a partner/spouse relationship.  It’s “relationship lite”. 

3.  Can be a coping strategy for long-distance relationships – Long-distance relationships can be a result of work projects (even overseas), which I see in my practice in Los Angeles for people away on TV or film set locations, or the result of school/training programs, health care treatment, caring for a distant relative’s health or settling their estate, or military deployment.  Open negotiation of the ground rules during the absence is better than unilaterally violating a monogamy agreement without discussion, or abstaining and resenting the physical/emotional harm that can come with deprivation.   

4.  Can be a bridge between class or cultural issues that really might get in the way of a primary relationship – For some fuck buddies, there can be issues of class or culture that might make having a long-term relationship untenable or very difficult (think Sybil and Tom on “Downton Abbey”). 

5.  Is a collaborative way to get needs met that have inherent limitations; is an exchange of favors – So many human interactions involve a negotiated exchange of favors based on mutual needs, and each fuck buddy relationship has unique parameters that make it work.  

6.  Is not for everyone, but it CAN BE for some people; it’s ok to embrace it as much as it is to reject it soundly – Sexual self-empowerment means saying yes when you want to say yes, and no when you want to say no.  If you want to say yes to a fuck buddy relationship with another consenting adult, as an autonomous adult with control and dominion over your own body, you get to make that choice (although if you have a primary partner, this must be a very frank discussion in order to avoid a ton of hurt, resentment, misunderstanding, abandonment, and even rage). 

7.  Supports a global benevolent idea of brotherhood …having a fuck buddy can be an example of benevolence, non-violence, and camaraderie in the Brotherhood of Man.  This is all part of the solution, not the problem. 

8.  It’s practice later on for a “real” commitment, in incremental gain/baby steps … Having a fuck buddy might not be a “deep” commitment in romance and domesticity, but it can be a way of exploring relating to another person that is somewhere between being single and being partnered.  For some people, these incremental steps help build their confidence to tolerate a commitment and equip them for a long-term relationship with mutual responsibility. 

9.  Self-empowering sexually, trying different things without feeling “embarrassed” with a partner; exploring one’s own body and likes/dislikes of sensation – While communicating with a primary partner is essential to a good sex life, having a fuck buddy can be an opportunity to explore your sexual interests and fantasies in a lower-stakes situation.  Some people who are shy about telling their partner their sexual fantasies, especially the kinkier ones, might be more uninhibited with a lower-stakes fuck buddy.  It really “shouldn’t” work that way, but it does, and we have to deal in reality.  By being free to explore in a certain “sexual laboratory” situation, you can identify your likes and dislikes and not have to switch to “who’s-cooking-dinner” mode right after. 

10.  Can bridge differences in sexual orientations … having a fuck buddy can be a way for a man who is “straight” publicly or bisexual to get the “other half” of his sexual and even social needs met.  This is particularly controversial, but all gay men have some idea about this.  Many men can be ambivalent or conflicted about how they identify sexually.  Some might feel a pressure to conform to heterosexual norms, others might quite selfishly want to ride the coat-tails of heterosexual privilege and have their, uh, “cake”, too … The fuck buddy relationship can also help a conflicted guy move closer down the spectrum to living as an “out” gay man, but in a gentle and gradual process that feels right for him. 

11.  Can help other specific situations – The fuck buddy relationship can be a resource for a gay man in early recovery from crystal meth, who is used to the “party-and-play” (PNP) scene, to practice having sober sex with a no-judgment, experimental, low-stakes, fail-safe atmosphere…. The fuck buddy relationship can also help someone with a disability or injury to be sexual again in their own way, even if they don’t have a primary relationship yet….This can be for guys who have been injured in a vehicle, sports, or industrial accident, or as a combat veteran who uses prosthetics. 

12.  Can allow for specific sexual interests (BDSM, fetishes) to be fulfilled  — There are times when everything else in a relationship is great – the emotional, the sexual, and the domestic – but certain sexual interests go unfulfilled.  Having a fuck buddy who provides a certain “outsourced” activity, such as BDSM or other kink play, can be a way for that partner to be fulfilled without burdening his partner to do something he really doesn’t like. 

13.  Can be a way to manage sexual incompatibilities – The fuck buddy relationship can also “outsource” situations where the couple gets along fine in most ways, but perhaps a strict top is partnered to a versatile bottom.  For the versatile bottom to be able to top once in a while might require a fuck buddy who is happy to oblige.  This can also be the case when a partner is fulfilled in every way in the relationship except perhaps wanting to fulfill his “size queen” interests.  Outsourcing this to a well-endowed fuck buddy occasionally can fulfill the desire and then get back to regular domestic/sexual life.  This prevents frustrations from building and can resolve tension or even unspoken resentments in a relationship. 

14.  [a f-buddy relationship] actually strengthens your regular [mono] relationship because one “sees what’s out there” and learns to appreciate the relief when [you’re finally back to your regular partner].  When you are together again after an absence, it’s all the sweeter to revisit the familiarity and intimacy you have built for years, and they never take each other for granted.

(1) If trying to figure out your sexual and relationship dynamics by yourself feels overwhelming or confusing, therapy or coaching with a gay-affirmative, sex-positive therapist/coach can help.  For more information on how that works with me, text/call 310-339-5778, or email me at, and we can discuss your options.

The Journey of A Man in Search of Self and Belonging (but open to any other shit he might find along the way)!

“Don’t knock it until you have tried it.”

This phrase can be a double-edged sword. Here is what I have learned from my own meandering experience in the gay dating world. Many of the men I meet don’t want monogamy. Grindr, Scruff and the other gay apps are filled with men that are married (sorry ladies…most of these men are married to women, too), in a relationship, or in an open relationship. While I have watched all the documentaries on gay dating, polyamory, open relationships, everything from Real Sex to Polyamory, I have heard all the explanations and rationale about from those who explore those sexual modalities. I just have to call BULLSHIT!

Sharing of love and sharing a commitment have just been something that have gone hand in hand for me. Perhaps it is because I was married for 19 years prior, perhaps it was watching my parents who…

View original post 557 more words

Posted in monogamy, relationships | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

D/s burnout, Part II: What do we do about it?

a relationship based on dominance and submission can often lead to burnout…what are the symptoms and what do you do about it

sometimes doing the same thing can be tiring

What is burnout?  Regardless of your position in the lifestyle you can become burnt out.  Burnout is often also called Dom fatigue, or sub fatigue, and thought of as an extended drop.  Honestly though you can experience a form of this even without having a partner. It is simply the feeling that you’ve had too much of the lifestyle for a time and you cannot find the energy or zeal that you used to have regularly to continue.  And it’s not just a feeling of oh I’m tired after this scene, it’s a deeper more resounding, I want nothing to do with this in my life right now feeling. So for those who are really committed to the lifestyle or a particular relationship the feeling can be devastating.  I really always compare burnout in the lifestyle to that of the workplace, if you don’t take a vacation for a long time you can get burnt out and the same applies here.

Many longer term D/s couples (and short term couples, too) often suffer from what I call “BDSM burnout.” Why burnout happens is simple enough. Domming (and subbing) ain’t easy. It takes work, energy and time. Sometimes the BDSM relationship can start to become a chore rather than a joy. It can be the submissive who has “had it up to here” with pleasing her Dominant. It can be the Dominant who finds that the effort he/she must put into being the Master/Mistress outweighs the rewards. It can be a combination of the two.

It’s becoming clearer and clearer that most things BDSM related are taking a massive toll on my mental health, personal energy levels, and overall outlook on my kink future. Simply put, I’m burned out. I had to step back from offering kink-related coaching services, let go some of kink-based writing spots, and really take the time to honestly say, ‘You’re trying to do too much right now.

Slut, Ph.D.

Looking inwards, looking back: What people said they wished they’d done and known

When I asked people what they wished they had done and known in retrospect, their answers were heartbreaking (and again, painfully familiar). There were common themes of (1) Lacking self-knowledge–both not understanding what they needed to be fulfilled as doms and subs, and also not understanding when they were experiencing burnout (2) Failing to successfully communicate about problems in the relationship/dynamic (3) Believing “this” was the best they were going to get and later finding out they could, in fact, get much better (4) Admitting when things weren’t going well and seeking help from others in the community.

I am quoting these accounts at length because I think there is a lot of wisdom in each one, and all weave together some or all of the themes I’ve just highlighted:

From M (sub woman): I wish I…

View original post 2,382 more words

Posted in bdsm, femdom, relationships | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

D/s burnout, postscript: An aside about gender

why do submissive guys bail on femdom relationships more often than women…some thoughts

real life femdom couple Archives | Femdom Training | Femdom Hypnosis

A submissive man lives for you, his opinion no longer counts, or at least counts significantly less. His deepest fantasies will be about being dominated by a woman. I can assure you the mental pleasure a submissive man receives is different from a man that isn’t submissive. To him, it is about cerebral gratification which leads to sexual arousal.

The most difficult part of any relationship is genuine intimacy. In vanilla relationships, the lack of real intimacy almost inevitably leads misery. In Domme/submale relationships the problem is orders of magnitude greater, because the objectification is a hugely effective way of avoiding true intimacy. It is all role-playing. Hopefully, it’s enjoyable to both parties, but it masks the self.

Slut, Ph.D.

You will note as you read the previous two posts that I have recorded people’s gender and d/s roles in their comments. That’s because years of sociological study of the scene have taught me that gender and BDSM roles overlap in some very complicated ways. As a mostly-dom woman who has mostly been in d/s relationships with people who were raised as men, I expected to see tales of d/s burnout coming disproportionately from cis men subs. I don’t have a large enough sample to back that up (and there are so few of them anyway that I would need a rather enormous sample to try to accumulate that). But the gendered dynamics of BDSM roles definitely seemed be working against cis men subs here in some pretty severe ways that would make them more likely to burn out.

(1) They’re working against their socially gendered roles in a serious…

View original post 564 more words

Posted in bdsm, d/s, femdom, relationships | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Safer Oral Sex for women

With the rapid spread of HPV and other STI’s through oral sex, there’s some protection available.

Underwear by Lorals has been cleared by the FDA.

look for “Lorals for Protection”. a 4-pack is about $25 sold on their website or at lingerie shops. Learn how to use a pair here.

The underwear can be used for oral and anal play as well as FF encounters:

The latex panties also work really well for couples who want to ease into exploring oral anal and anal fingering, because they cover the anus, thus eliminating any worry about issues relating to fecal matter…many two-vulva couples enjoy wearing them during scissoring.

check out these links:

Chippy Lipton reviews on the Hub:

A discussion in the NYT:


Posted in underwear, women | Leave a comment

Some Days I See Monogamy Through Rose Colored Glasses

Monogamy reconsidered: The advantages of monogamy over polyamory. Is it true that once you’ve tried poly, you never go back to monogamy? Why do many poly return to monogamy?

My Journey to Now

Or is it simply the proverbial “the grass is always greener on the other side” syndrome?

Photo byGianCarlo GrecoonUnsplash

Now that I’ve been in the non monogamous world for a while, I am wondering if the difficult days, where I’m longing for the simplicity of monogamy, are tainted with inaccurate memories of thegood old days. This is something my boyfriends wife and I have discussed many times. We are both more naturally wired for monogamy, are living life as polyamorous, have reaped benefits from polyamory for sure, BUT, also enjoy the idea of a more simplistic and predictable life.

But then we wonder, are we just looking back at monogamy with rose coloured glasses?

For those of you who have been reading my stuff for a while, you may be aware I have a serious inner debate going on. My polyamorous journey has been fraught…

View original post 1,575 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How Do I Manage My Partner’s Jealousy?

Is Jealousy normal in a poly relationship…and how to deal with it

Poly With a Big Heart

If your partner struggles with jealousy, you’ve probably asked yourself: “How can I keep my partner from feeling this way?” or “How do I help my partner manage this?

It’s perfectly natural to want to save the day with solutions, particularly if you’re having an easier time of it than they are. It can feel like it’s your responsibility to address and manage someone’s negative experience even if you’re doing nothing wrong.Especially if you, (or they), see your actions as the root cause.

Jealousy is a natural emotion we all wrestle with in some way, to some degree, at some time. Trying to solve someone’s feelings isn’t possible; bending over backwards to prevent someone’s feelings isn’t sustainable. In fact, most efforts motivated by a desire to prevent feelings generally lead to larger issues like resentment and unreasonable precedents.

May I suggest this question instead: How…

View original post 1,036 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment