#bdsm: old school vs. new school

I was at a play party recently and 2 young women were standing at the door, undecided about coming in.

“But these people look old,” one said to the other.

“Yeah,” the other said, “They’re my parents’ age. I don’t know if I can relate to them.”

I went over and tried to encourage them to join.

“So what’re you doing here,” one of the women said to me, “you’re not that old!”.

“Well,” I said, “they’re my friends.”

“I don’t know anybody here,” she said.

“I’ll introduce you,” I argued, “just meet my friends for a few minutes and you can go if you don’t want to stay.”

They met several people and decided to stay for the evening.



Michael Knight recently posted

 “The young have a great deal to learn from those with more experience…people of a younger generation often feel that we can’t relate to their situation because the world is so very different now”

He goes on to explain how experience in the #bdsm world can make a difference in the experience of the young and to the older but less experienced.

As for how to restrain someone, handle a flogger or talk dirty…he’s spot on! But there are subtle generational differences in the #bdsm community.

Polthus has an interesting post about his expectations as a sub and the beginning of a new relationship with a domme.

“When we began corresponding, V (his domme) told me she wasn’t big on honorifics…” but he called her by her first name and she said:

“You used my first name…Don’t do that again. Ever.”

And yet he expects her to be: “Someone who shares vanilla interests and lifestyle choices”

This is an old-school style that isn’t supported as much by the younger members of the community except when playing.


It’s not surprising that many younger members of the #bdsm community prefer TNG gatherings.  #bdsm relationships are different from those of the older “leather” community.




While we can appreciate the efforts of the older community to formalize the #bdsm lifestyle, we live in a very different time today.


People mistakenly believe TNG is “designed to keep creepy people out” but it’s not that simple (or usually the case). This post explains the reasons TNG was started as  “a space for the younger members of the community to talk and discuss SM with those who are in a similar period within their lives”.




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Continuing Ed 101: A New Beginning 

writing your thoughts can help you get an understanding…and inform your partner what you think

submission to the Wolf

This seems like a strange post to write at this point in time. i have enrolled in a couple of courses hosted by WordPress. There are “assignments” i would like to try to keep up with and participate with in order to improve my writing, my focus, my consistency, and my understanding of blogging. Today’s assignment is to write (or rewrite) my introduction.

i have become known as Rose, and i am submissive to my Sir (aka: Daddy, Dom, and Wolf). Sir and i have a BDSM relationship. We consider it to be 24/7, but it is not a physically 24/7. Sir and i are currently separated by about 3 hours drive time. We both also have “vanilla” lives that are unaware of our relationship.

Writing is my method of focusing my thoughts. It allows me to process the many random fragments of emotions that swirl through my head. my…

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No Longer on a First Name Basis

This post has an interesting list of essential traits for a dominant


I’ve been coping with the aftereffects of a breakup for a while now. There’s no specific date I can point to, but it’s close to a year and a half.  Prior to this, I’d gone several years between significant D/s relationships without much thought about when the next one might occur. This time was different. The absence of dominant energy and guidance became something I was both acutely aware of and cautious of pursuing.

Why would I be cautious about seeking the dynamic and direction I crave? Mostly because I have a low tolerance for getting burned along with a strong desire to avoid a situation that requires I devolve instead of evolve. Additionally, there’s another reason that’s not as concrete: as mentioned in a previous post, someone who reeks of desperation is off-putting to anyone with an ounce of sense, while the kind of people this vibe attracts are…

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Humiliation within D/s

Humiliation – is it part of your #bdsm relationship? If so, follow this blog or, better yet, comment


i am in the process of trying to understand my submissive side. As part of this exploration I am researching elements that make up the D/s relationship in the context of BDSM.

This is a with topic so I had decided to used a Twitter poll to establish my next area of research, expecting Chasity to come up, however Humiliation topped the poll. This did surprise me, as I am normally a very private person and never considered humiliation as something that I would even consider. The more I read and research the more I believe that humiliation is not something I would actively seek out.

There are a lot of Findom’s about these days on social media, demanding losers and pay pigs to send them gifts or money. This, for me falls into humiliation, as unknown individual demand cash, promising to ruin ‘your wallet’, and surprisingly there are men…

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Let me by Your Lightning Rod, Master.

How a #Master shows his #slave how much he needs and wants her

The Ramblings of My Many Hats

This post is late, but the feelings are all still on the surface, and Master asking that I write about it the day after definitely keeps all my thoughts in order. Oh, Master, how well You know me.

The weekend had been long, and emotional, and I wasn’t sure how, or if, I could possibly bring my Master out of the emotional cloud that was covering Him. He was hurt, on more than one level, by not only others, but also Himself. He felt He had let me down, He felt He was a bad Master, a bad husband, and that He had lost control.

I needed to find a way to convince Him otherwise… all day my mind had gone from place to place, echoing words both of us had said all weekend, sitting at the table together and sharing any and every thought that might have come to…

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How to Go to Your First Munch Without Dying of Terror

Thinking of attending your first #bdsm munch? Read this:

The Ochre Muse

-1) Kick the wall. Hard. Was that as bad as you thought? Well, going to a munch is less painful than that.

-2) Go outside. See that woman who just walked down the road? Yes, that one in the yellow dress. She looks exactly like the kind of person you’d meet at a munch. We BDSM community types are the same as everyone else, and most of us are in it to learn, not pick up sex partners, so you’re as likely to be hit on at a munch as you are at a bar.

-3) Now go to a coffee shop. It’s fine. I’ll wait.

-4) Settle in. Tell me which table the retail manager is sitting at? Which one just got engaged? Which one got laid last night? You can’t tell, can you? That’s how easy it is to recognise people who are attending a munch. Nobody is…

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Laughter Lines

A call to bring fun back to sex…why portray it so seriously?

Sometimes, it's just a cigar

I grew up with Carry on films as a staple of sunday afternoon TV. Bawdy was the word used to describe them, today we might use a whole host of other words, like sexist, homophobic, transphobic. One thing that did stand out though was that sex was meant to be fun!

I wonder when we became so po faced about sex? Its not as if we are not bombarded with sexual imagery, with tips on how to be better, faster, more orgasmic (although frankly that might be dangerous in my case!) A good sex life is seen as a part of a good life (with the usual asexual erasure). Even the Telegraph has sex tips, and they go beyond dont let the vicar catch you buggering the footman.

We discuss consent, endlessly, and posts get shared about how if only men had vaginas they would be good in bed. (Yes…

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