Guys: When she asks you to go to the next level, do you freak out?


If you’ve been working out your #bdsm fantasies with your dominant and one day she asks you to go to the next level, what do you do?

I can think of two scenarios where this could happen.

You frequent a #bdsm dungeon and have sessions with the same partner often. Over time, she understands your D/s desires. You’ve become to trust her. Lately,  it seems like the scenes are a little boring. She suggests that tonight will be the night that she pushes you past your limits.

If you’re trussed up in heavy bondage,  she has the impact toys laid out and your mouth is gagged you may have to trust your partner’s instincts. She’s into you because you’re into her and you bring out her inner sadist.  Yes, the play will probably hurt a bit more than usual afterward, but you’ll feel a deeper mutual commitment with her.  If you go through with it, you’ll develop a greater depth of experience of #bdsm play.

In the second scenario, you’re in an LTR or possibly married to your partner. She has come to understand your fantasies and has been making these a reality. Now she wants something more than an exciting night. She wants a deeper commitment from you to the special service she is giving. She wants you to belong to her in body and soul.

Sure, you might be married and you often say “I love you” to her but she wants something deeper. She wants you to reveal your deepest secrets to her and she wants her desires to become yours. She wants a life partner.

In either scenario, when this happens, when your greatest fantasies are about to become reality, what do you do?

In a previous post I outlined several typical reactions guys might have.

The most likely reactions are:

you’re afraid your relationship with your partner will change if you go down the rabbit hole.

If you submit to her more fully, what happens to your freedom? If it’s only during play sessions, you’re free when it’s over.  If it’s an LTR, you have to trade off your power for deeper D/s. This could lead to a TPE, but it’s up to you and your partner.

you’re really embarrassed that she’ll learn about your darker secrets.

If you’re in a loving relationship or with a long-time play partner you should have enough trust in her to not use these secrets against you.

you’re afraid your friends, family or associates will find about your fetishes and not respect you.

If your friends or family haven’t found out your secrets, chances are they won’t anytime soon. If they do there is some “collateral damage” that you’ll have to work on. It won’t be easy. But the need to meet her deeper desires should far outweigh what others think.

you fear you’ll lose the equality aspects of your relationship.

The imbalance of power with a lifestyle partner in a D/s relationship can happen. But you and your partner can control when this happens. Compare what you lose with the precious gift you’ll gain from your partner.

you think you’ll become addicted to the #bdsm lifestyle.



If you’re not addicted by now, you may be soon. As with many things, do the power exchange in moderation. Don’t forget, she has to live her life too.

(pictures from Pleasing Miss Pearl  )

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My Thoughts on Polyamory

Finding your soulmates is rare…And beautiful…How she found hers

Bratty Aryanna's Blog

This post has been a long time coming. It’s a culmination of about 30 years worth of experience during my life time. I guess the logical place to start is…what is polyamory and what does it mean to me? Polyamory shares some similarities with swinging as well as polygamy. But there are also large differences that separate it from the others. Polyamory is essentially about being in love and having a relationship with more than one person at a time. It’s not just about sex, though sex can be a large part of any given poly relationship. The emotions and feelings in poly relationships are deeper than any other relationship. If you can imagine being so completely in love with someone that they become a very large part of your life, then multiply that to one or more other people and you have a pretty good idea of what it…

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Sexy Saturday Round Up

Some great reads for your Sat.

Lady Smut

Kiss me, I’m Irish.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Weekend! We’re here to nurse that greenish complexion back to a rosy hue with some soothing links all about scintillating deeds being done in the name of lurv.  So slip some of that Irish Creme in your coffee and enjoy!

From Madeline:

Buffy is 20!

Amy Poehler has a supreme vagina–‘the Angelina Jolie of vaginas

Fictional Literary Texts

5 best literary sex scenes to bone up on

Sleeping naked supposedly has good effects on yer bod.

Romance author Brenda Jackson shares how she worked with her one true love to grow her romance empire out of POC romance.

You’re not just peeing—you’re improving your sex life!

Adorable historical slang for intercourse

What would the bookstore look like with only women authors? One book store tries it for a day…

Tell the men: her orgasm is not about you.

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A Life Less Monogamous & #Poly 101 w/@CooperSBeckett — #KatieSpeakShow Ep23 02/13/2016

An interesting interview about #nonMonogamy!

In brief: [NSWF] Well, it’s Valentine’s Day week and even though I never celebrate because it’s never been a fun day for me, this year is a bit different because I’ve written so much about dating, non-monogamy, and sex. So, what better guest to have than Life on the Swingset’s Cooper Beckett! Cooper and I talk non-monogamy 101 and his new outstanding novel “A Life Less Monogamous.” (Use the code “KatieSpeak” for a discount.)

Note: This show is available to stream and download for free so it can be accessible for everyone. If you’re able, consider becoming a supporter for as little as $1/month at PATREON or making a one-time donation through PAYPAL. Thank you!

Easy download/stream:

Enhanced audio: A Life Less Monogamous & #PolyLife w/@CooperSBeckett — #KatieSpeakShow Ep23 02/13/2016

Links to on-air references:

My take…

“Attention, New Couples: Go All Out This Valentine’s Day” by Alana…

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Student by day, domme by night…Why students prefer #sexWork

Sex Work Amongst College Students: –

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Show Don’t Tell

How #writing #erotica differs from other fiction genres… It’s all in the details!

Nympho Neet of the Erotic East

When it comes to erotic imagery and literature, the rule of “show don’t tell” becomes obscure. Given how important it is to me to know how somebody is tied up, the details of how they feel, and so on, I take no issue with extensive detailing of what is happening at a given moment in spite of that being an example of telling and not showing. Take this image, for example: Gel05.jpeg

I really really like this one, and part of the reason why is that there’s so much going on. Now, if I were writing this in a normal story, I might say something like:

“Drool dripped from her gagged mouth as she struggled to free herself from her bindings. It was embarrassing, particularly with the vibrations under her skirt, to have her friend see her so vulnerable.”

But that’s not entirely conducive to arousal. After all, I don’t know…

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Tell someone your secret passion!

Erotic Yearnings

whisper to me that favourite fantasy,
the one, which nightly haunts erotic dreams,
and always moves your flesh to ecstasy,
as you toss and turn beneath the moonbeams,

when you lose yourself within your daydream,
imagining yourself in soft embrace,
with person, whose lovemaking is supreme,
as fingertips strum at rapturous pace,

in privacy of imagination,
doing things, you don’t in reality,
without no fear of recrimination,
wallowing in such sensuality,

as you enjoy yourself in lewd fashion,
what fancy really inflames your passion?

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