A Dominant Mind: A Dominant’s Perspective on Dominance and D/s


How D/s can extend beyond the bedroom..and the way to avoid tedious micromanagement…delegate

Originally posted on farawayangel:

A special thank you to Reverend Danny Smite for his willingness to add his thoughts to my blog. It’s much appreciated, Rev and a very welcome addition.

Why dominance?

I’ve been pondering recently how I would answer that question when asked by a person who has no clue about a D/s relationship. How to explain without sounding defensive or irrational.

I have to start by quoting from “Living M/s” by Dan and Dawn Williams.

Because “I don’t like nor am I good at playing chess”.

For me and many like me, a vanilla relationship is like chess. Jockeying moves and feints and gambits to gain control of decisions that are made in a relationship from day to day. For most, it isn’t much of a struggle at all. But it’s there. Final decisions are made often by one or the other person. There cannot be complete agreement. There is compromise…

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A Word About Polyamory

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Originally posted on The Misadventures of a House Mouse:
The word Polyamory is cropping up more and more in the daily conversations of people around the country. It is estimated that, as of July 2009, in the United States alone…

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Taking Our Traditional Marriage Up a Notch


some notes on how to step your #bdsm relationship: #mindFuck, #postMortem & lots of lube!

Originally posted on Desiring Discipline:

A Traditional Marriage does not have a set formula. A Dominance/submission (D/s) dynamic does not have a set formula.  BDSM does not have a set formula.  The only commonality among these dynamics is that they are in constant flux, and as unique as the individuals in them. The power behind them resides in constant communication, patience, and flexibility; and a commitment to one another.

As most of you who follow me know, the past several months in our lives has been fairly “vanilla” in the bedroom.  This is not a bad thing in D/s, Traditional, or BDSM.  For us, it was partly due to travel and less-than-completely private quarters; and also due to some maladies on my part.  I’m happy to report that it gave us more time to hone the D/s dynamic outside the bedroom.  More following Sir Knight’s leading, less debate/argument or sulking on my part. Mind you…

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What’s wrong with pro-dommes?


Duchess Heartless from duchessheartless.blogspot.com

So, ’tis the season to bash sex-workers, especially Pro-Dommes? and sub men who love them!

In her blog Miss Pearl writes:

as a female dominant I am SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED. Both at the assumption that I don’t really exist and that professionals are the norm, and that my relationship with my partners, even as a non-pro, follows the guidelines of a professional

non-professional (and I still chafe at calling myself ‘lifestyle’) dominants are eclipsed by the attention paid to professionals to the point that femdoms are sex workers in the default of popular imagination

female dominants who aren’t doing the thing as some sort of job…are invisible, or it’s a punch line, or at best doesn’t extend as far as her sexuality

because female dominance is laced with this stereotype, women who would otherwise be into BDSM style activities are turned off- not only do the majority of the guys who identify as submissive (or as a switch) getting their information from a world that thinks F/m is #givemoneytowomen writ large, but even among those who don’t want to pay, the attitude is that they’re still booking a session


Mistress Lilyana   commented:

it doesn’t infuriate me that many people just don’t know about lifestyle Dommes. It doesn’t negatively impact how I see myself or how I feel about how others see me. Pros are out their marketing themselves. We are not. We cannot be upset that people know more about them than us


to which miss pearl comments:


Male dominants don’t need to advertise. Female subs don’t need to advertise. Male subs don’t either. People literally believe I don’t exist, of *course* I’m pissed off.

Hell, I literally advertise right here what I am. And it still does nothing compared with the sheer volume of people who write me off as a low rent version of a sex worker.


I commented similarly about promoting lifestyle dominant views. She replied:

No, we’re not going to advertise more, because this is literally turning ‘lifestyle’ dominants off of ever trying and participating in the first place.


I don’t see how well-thought presentations about lifestyle issues will turn “‘lifestyle’ dominants off”  especially if they are written by lifestyle dominants . We won’t know until this happens, will we?

I rarely comment on Miss Pearl’s blogs even when she has an interesting topic because I feel like she is looking for a target as if I epitomize the type of male she often rallies against. It’s like walking into an ethnic studies class and being used as a punching bag.

There is a tone in Pearl’s blog that suggests that she dislikes being compared to a sex-worker. I’m guessing she has a low opinion of sex-workers or at least feels superior to them.  As I said in comments to her posts, I have many friends & acquaintances who are both pro & lifestyle dommes.  And they are people, too.

Miss Pearl has a similar disdain for sub guys because she thinks they all treat her and other dominants like pro-dommes:

male subs, the ‘clients’ who are too attached to being pandered to, [should] consider one of the reasons why so many of you can’t figure out how to find a real life partner is because you’ve chased non working women out of your sexuality

Are male-subs so addicted to pro-dommes that they chase non-sex-workers away? Really?

I’m not certain what Miss Pearl wants anymore as she seems to have burned most of her bridges in the #femdom & #bdsm community.





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are sexual relations integral to most polyamorous relationships? If so, how would asexuals fit into a poly group?

Originally posted on cherrypi314:

I’ve struggled to find inspitation to write for some time now, but watching a documentary on asexuality ( (A)Sexuality, available on Netflix) has triggered my desire to write. It seems so strange to me that people who are so accepting of the fact that sexuality is a spectrum from 100% hetro to 100% homo, with all other flavours in between, find asexuality so hard to accept.

Any one who has read anything of this blog knows that I am the antithesis of asexual but why shouldn’t the degree of sexual desire also fall on a spectum? Treating people who are asexual as if they are broken sexual people is as bad as treating gay people as if they are broken straight people. Perhaps instead of describing sexuality in a linear fashion we should thing of it more as a grid, with the bottom being asexual interest, the top being hypersexual…

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relationships to this author are more than having good times together…they also have commitment: “Commitment is the security blanket that supports my feeling that I can safely trust you”

Originally posted on Slut, Ph.D.:

Good friend: “Welllll… You guys are ‘European married.’ It’s not really what other people think being married means.

I’ve been asked the question before: “If you’re going to fall in love with and sleep with other people, why did you bother to get married?” The answer for me personally remains pretty straightforward—because I wanted my now-husband to be the person who decided what happens to my broken body if I get in a car wreck, not my parents. While that was the most pressing point, there are a whole host of other social and economic benefits that come from being married, including tax breaks and insurance… Although I am personally very much opposed to the legal institution of marriage, trying to live up to that particular principle is a pain in the ass, and my now-husband and I were both quite poor and financially desperate when we got married, so…

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Alternative Therapy on Sale


save a little & get to know this author…maybe you’ll like!

Originally posted on Samantha Love:

Alternative Therapy

Happy Thanksgiving!

Starting this Sunday, November 29 at 12:00 AM PST to December 1 at 8:00 AM PST, Alternative Therapy will be $.99. Normally, it’s $4.99, so that’s 80% off, and at 95K words it’s my longest femdom story.

Since it’s a countdown deal, the price will return back to normal in increments. From December 1, 8:00 AM to Dec 3, 4:00 PM, the price will be $1.99, and after December 3, 4:00 PM it will go up to $2.99. After December 6, 12:00 AM, the price returns to normal.

Please note, this is for the US store only. If you’re outside the US, you can still create a US account and take advantage of the deal.

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