How something that is usually repugnant can become a fetish if you are sexually aroused…


More people are into underwear than bdsm as a kink .

In What’s The Difference? Kink vs. Fetishes

a kink is something that A) turns us on, and is B) outside of the predetermined “norm,” …Kink could be anything from getting excited by someone wearing stockings or becoming nearly orgasmic when smelling a partner’s sweat, to everything within the BDSM spectrum, such as bondage or sadomasochism

Fetishes are differentiated by their demanding nature; when it’s a fetish and not a kink, the person in question isn’t going to be able to enjoy themselves without entertaining that specific desire…When someone has a fetish, it is something integral to that person’s sexuality, whereas a kink is an enjoyable indulgence—something delightful and delicious, but not absolutely necessary for their sexual fulfillment…all of the things we do that are within that predetermined “norm” lie on the vanilla side of the spectrum, where things that lie outside that box that we enjoy would be in the middle near the “kink” category, and finally, the things that we cannot sexually do without would be placed around “fetish.”


In The Difference Between A Fetish And Kink, According To Sex Experts

a fetish is a sexual fixation on a specific object or act that is absolutely necessary to a person’s sexual gratification. Often, it’s something that may not be inherently sexual…Kink … is a broader term that encompasses a bunch of alternative sexual interests, preferences or fantasies that go beyond your run-of-the-mill missionary sex. It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping.

All fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. What might be a kink for one person ― you get turned on by seeing your partner in leather chaps ― could be another person’s fetish.

Most fetishes develop from early life experiences and are patterns and behaviors that grow as the person develops sexually

If you like bdsm with some partners (and not necessarily sex), that is a kink. If you need bdsm to get off, that is a fetish.

Kink and fetish often overlap in bdsm practice.

Kinks and fetishes are like brick and mortar in BDSM lifestyle.


Real Ultimate Fetish Chart 



Fetish Poll 


When a person is sexually aroused, sexual activities that he would normally consider disgusting can become interesting. Psychologists call this the Gross Out Theory  

In Why Sex Doesn’t Gross You Out When You’re Aroused

[in a study]  women who watched the sexually arousing video rated the unpleasant tasks as less disgusting than did their counterparts who were not sexually aroused…“The findings indicate that both the impact of heightened sexual arousal on subjective disgust and also on disgust-induced avoidance will act in a way to facilitate the engagement in pleasurable sex,”… sexual arousal lowers inhibitions and often enables one to participate in activities that they might normally find disgusting or off-putting



Similarly, some bdsm practices that people would consider disgusting can become interesting when a person is sexually aroused.

Check out the Kink Negotiation Worksheet from Pervocracy

Step One: What Do I Want?
My kink role is______________
(Dominant, submissive, top, bottom, switch, slave, Master, pet, owner, girl/boy, Mommy/Daddy, vanilla…)
My level of kink experience is _______________
For me, kink is ________________
(a fantasy, a hobby, a fetish, an orientation, a community, an experiment, a lifestyle…)
I want to play because ________________
(I’m curious, I’m horny, I want catharsis, I want new experiences, I want to please my partner, I just do…)
When I play, I want to feel ____________________
(turned on, scared, safe, powerful, humiliated, sensual, in control, out of control, pushed to my limit, cared for…)
Step Two: What Will We Do?
The one thing I would most like to experience today is __________________
Do I want to engage in dominance/submission, physical play, or both? ___________
Do I want to act out a certain role or scenario? ______________
Do I want to feel/inflict pain? ______________
Do I want to engage in bondage? ____________
Do I want to use toys?____________ If yes, which ones?______________
Do I want to have sexual contact? _____________ If yes, what kind?_______________
Is it okay if I get/give marks? ______________ If yes, where? ________________
Do I want to play in public, with selected people present, or in private? ____________
Step Three: What Will We Not Do?
My safeword is “RED” or __________ (If I cannot speak, my nonverbal safe signal is ___________)
If I use this word, it means play needs to stop RIGHT NOW. Whether I am a top or a bottom, I can use this word at any
time for any reason. I will never use this word as a joke or threat. I will never debate or criticize my partner’s use of this
My caution word is “YELLOW” or _____________
If I use this word, it means I am getting close to my limit, or I am having a problem. Play needs to pause RIGHT NOW until
we both understand and have addressed the problem.
My relevant health concerns are ______________
(STI/STDs, mobility/flexibility limitations, seizure disorder, pregnancy, clotting disorder, prosthetics/implants…)
If I have PTSD/panic attack/phobia/other psychological triggers, they are______________
(certain words, being called certain names, being touched in a certain way, being unable to move…)
If we have sexual contact, we will avoid STI transmission and/or pregnancy by _______________
Is there anything else my partner should know about me, my needs or my desires?____________

Check out GUITAPORN Kinks & Fetishes

Haven for Vagabonds and Wanderers

woman-427320_1280 Too much light can be blinding…

Are you novice to the now prevalent shades of grey? There are many, who in these past few years, have started relating to BDSM. Many are simply bored by the monotonicity of the vanilla lifestyle and seek to embark their journey into the uncharted (for self) territory.

Kinks and fetishes are like brick and mortar, in BDSM lifestyle.

BDSM community is always changing and is a very dynamic community. It is not just the sexual aspect but one knows ’bout self, and there is pain and beauty in the revelation. Though, if you look at fetishes of people, you can only just wonder at its immense depth and variety. In here, we majorly would be concentrating on kinks and fetishes, and not the whole BDSM scenario. But, do you know what is the difference between the two?

Fellow kinksters and fetishists, lets first see…

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What a porn shoot is really like…


Guys might think that the reality style movies are “what you see is what happened” but there is a lot that goes on before the cameras roll. Check out this lesbian porn shoot from Simi valley…

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is your relationship dead if you don’t give head? why (some) guys don’t like going down on women-


Although it’s fashionable for guys to go down on women lately, there are guys who will not.

I covered the reverse situation where some women do not want oral sex are to be shamed for their position. How does a guy know if a woman wants oral sex?

From Giving Oral Sex To A Woman: Techniques, Tastes & Scents

you don’t have to ask…she’s grabbed your head and tried to pull your face inside her.

Or if she’s sitting on top of you, she has ground herself into your face so that your nose or tongue has gone halfway up to her womb.

In that case, if she is riding your face like you’re a horse, or if she’s grabbing the back of your head and pulling your face deep inside her, you’re pretty safe to assume she likes what you’re doing.

More fun comes when you have her help you gain access to the most sensitive tissues in her body.

Bring her hands on down and ask her to open herself for you so you have the clit like a shining pink pearl waiting uncovered.

Many guys who object to going down on a woman say it is emasculating for them.

in Chrissie CrawfordDo straight men consider giving oral sex emasculating?

there’s no one way men of any orientation will or will not feel in regards to giving or receiving oral sex. 

Many men do not want to talk about their position on the matter because it may reveal their inexperience and inability to please a woman:

In Men Explain (In Great Detail) 4 Reasons They Won’t Go Down On Women

most guys don’t want to admit that they don’t know how to please a woman fully… it’s about a fear of losing their masculinity

Alternately, some guys think they must perform oral sex on a woman to prove their masculinity but this attitude often has a catch.

in TRACY CLARK-FLORY’s There’s a new macho sex boast

quotes Lux Alptraum, CEO of Fleshbot,

“The pairing of oral skill with manliness makes cunnilingus less about the woman receiving it than about the man performing it” and “the woman’s pleasure more about validating the man’s skill than about the woman herself having a good time.”

Here are why some guys don’t like performing oral sex on women reasons:

In Jessica Booth’s post: 10 Things Guys Don’t Like About Giving Oral Sex To Women

  • They Don’t Like The Taste Here are some foods that might improve the taste (administered orally): pineapple, Green Veggies (but not asparagus, broccoli), Berries/Fruit, Water, Yogurt, Peppermint tea, Honey, Cranberries
  • There’s Discharge
  • Their Tongue Gets Sore
  • The Smell
  • They Think About What Else Goes On Down There
  • How The Vagina Looks
  • Sometimes They Don’t Know What They’re Doing
  • The Pubes
  • Sometimes The Girl Doesn’t Return The Favor
  • Sometimes There Isn’t Enough Communication


Here are some remarks from guys from Lorenzo Jensen III,  17 Men Confess Why They HATE Going Down On Women

  • I felt it was just like putting your mouth on a toilet seat
  • Ugh, why does this taste like fish?
  • The smell coming from her panties made me gag from three feet away
  • I’ve been with a enough women to know that the taste of vagina generally grosses me out
  • I’m not going to go down a girl that has a messy bush, smells bad, tastes really sour, or generally looks messy
  • Going down a girl just does nothing for me
  • For women, the glory hole and the shit hole are so close together that it smells like shit unless she has just taken a shower.
  • It is disgusting to do. It bleeds profusely every month. The pee from it never can quite get cleaned properly
  • I just can’t stand the act of sticking my tongue inside there
  • I get a mouthful of hair
  • The vagina is a nightmare to handle with your mouth

If you’re a king you can expect your wife to go down on you but you don’t have to go down on her – Here’s what DJ Khaled had to say:



Giving Oral Sex To A Woman: Techniques, Tastes & Scents

there are troubles in cunnilingusville, [such as] the sad reality that not all vaginas are clean, healthy, tasty and appealing…If a girl is not a healthy girl…if she eats junk food, smokes cigarettes, does meth, drinks too much booze, doesn’t bathe enough or bathe properly, doesn’t exercise enough (so she doesn’t sweat out toxins), if she has sex with guys who ejaculate inside her, if she has a yeast infection or other vaginal infestations, if she is a nasty skank-ho, or even due to genetics, of course some girls don’t taste or smell good…a person’s natural smell can be a big, subconscious factor in whether a potential mate finds that person attractive or unattractive. When people say “there has to be chemistry” between lovers, it’s literally true…If you’re a girl who likes to have lots of guys inside her, or even just one guy, make sure the guys are clean…each girl is slightly different and you want to do a checklist of sucking, kissing, tongue-inserting, rubbing, opening the lips and licking inside her and other techniques…stopping after each technique to ask how she liked it…If you’re a woman and you love having someone lick inside you and suck your clit, and you’ve done everything possible to ensure that your vagina is healthy and clean, but your lover doesn’t love eating you, or complains that your smell or taste turns him/her off, you have to evaluate if that makes the entire relationship a problem…

In My boyfriend doesn’t satisfy me sexually – therapy

He’s perfectly happy for me to go down on him, and he even asks me to do it occasionally. But he has only done it for me twice, and the second time it was only for a couple of minutes. Since then, he has never done it again, and if I suggest it, his response will be that he’s ‘tired’. 

In Guys, your relationship is 50% dead if you don’t give head 

Sex is the only unique thing you’re meant to share with your spouse and nobody else; so you always have to make it bang!


And for a lot of women, a great and vital component of making that happen getting is amazing, oral sex.

quite a number of women have been heard to say good head can actually replace sex for them.

It’s not non-stop action and endless pumping, guys, just head.

Guys in a Femdom relationship.

If you’re in or about to enter into a femdom relationship here are some points to consider:


Most dominants will want you to perform oral sex on them when they want it. If you want the relationship to succeed, you’ll have to get your head into it and abandon all “guy objections”. Here are some tips that can help you:

You can initially accept the idea that going down on her is at least one way to make her happy and to reinforce your commitment to submit to her. You can communicate to her that you’d like her to clean up her area if it is too skanky or if it has too many pubes for your tongue to get past the thicket, etc. Suggest trying it in a shower with you kneeling before her after you’ve cleared the forest.  Offer to assist her in a bath. Serve her better foods as suggested previously.

Watersports isn’t for everybody but if she runs the idea by you, take her up on it. Let her do whatever it takes to get you aroused, get bound, chained, tormented and beaten and then let her drench you with her nectar in the shower or tub. Smell it, taste it. Just enough before you might gag. Savor it. Repeat after another session.

Let your passion for her acclimate you to the taste of her body and it’s variety of smells. You’ll reject her less as time goes on.

There are some in the bdsm community who believe drinking your partner is the best way to incorporate her body into yours. Of course, you have to be careful about it.

As you become more familiar with her body, you’ll become more tolerant in servicing her orally as she requires.

When you’re with your dominant always ask what you can do to make her happy. If she says: “obey me”, ask how you can obey her at this particular moment. If you approach every opportunity to service your dominant orally with gusto, you may find she’ll come to expect it at almost any time and place.

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His first encounter with a porn star dominatrix…was mind altering



“I just found myself doing it. It wasn’t something where I thought ‘Oh, I want to be a pornstar’, I don’t think that’s the dream of any little girl….”At the heart of every woman is a need to be adored, desired, that’s why we like to look pretty, we like to be looked at, we like to be told we’re beautiful.



His first encounter with a dominatrix… with a good ending

the final act of the session was Mistress Tess removing the hood before taking my dripping dick in her hand and starting to move up and down on my shaft.




check out morethanwhipsandchains   Everyone has fallen in love with a Dominatrix porn star, right?

More than whips and chains

The following is an excerpt from More than whips and chains (the book I have been writing for ages) and chronicles my first visit to see a professional Dominatrix.  It was 18 years ago and I was very green but the thought of this experience still brings back happy memories.

Everyone has fallen in love with a porn star at some point, right? OK, maybe not everyone but I am sure at least a few of us have developed an unhealthy interest in a totally unobtainable person. OK, I will explain where I am going with this.

Even I can struggle to claim watching porn was part of my research in to the BDSM scene. I know you’ll find it hard to believe a 21 year old male would indulge in such a thing, but I must confess to watching the occasional bit of porn back in the day. As…

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How she was introduced to BDSM at Paddles


A newbie’s account of her first time at paddles, how she overcame her shyness… and enjoyed a spanking…Philosopher’s Stone Unturned: An Origin Story

Philosopher's Stone Unturned

I tried to introduce someone to BDSM once.

We were partners on-and-off for three years.  I convinced him, after many months, to experiment with tying me up, or spanking me.  But I was impatient, always pushing him further, needing more, feeling abandoned and unsatisfied when he couldn’t meet those needs.  Basically, I fucked him up so severely in regard to sex I’m surprised he still talks to me.

So you’ll understand if I’m wary of trying again.  But for the sake of everyone intrigued by Fifty Shades, but unsure of themselves, it’s a little selfish to keep all my experience to myself.

Nature vs. nurture is a constant battle, but some things are simply born into people: you’re born gay, you’re a natural athlete, or maybe, like me, you’re innately Submissive.  And I don’t mean light-bondage-and-some-spanking submissive, or even let’s-go-to-a-dungeon-once-a-month submissive, but a hard-core, 24/7, whip-me-till-I-scream, need-it-to-feel-human Sub.

This is…

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Why are guys interested in orally servicing their partner in a #FLR but women are disinterested – despite the benefits?


For many, cunnilingus is regarded as still a sign of masculine weakness.

In this post   about the history of cunnilingus,  Whores of Yore  

remarks about the view of ancient Greeks that cunnilingus is

…generally regarded as something repugnant, used only by lesbians, and weak men whose erection had failed them. The fear that the penis is being replaced, or is not ‘enough’, is palpable.


post I Don’t Like Receiving Oral Sex, and There’s Not a Damn Thing Wrong With That

[traditionally] oral sex was typically considered downright kinky, and doing it carried a lot of emotional baggage and moral hang-ups.

But even with guys who [were experienced], I never really felt much of anything. It was an experience roughly as stimulating and erotic as having my elbow skin methodically licked. It didn’t bother me or feel bad, but it was not the paradise my adolescent self had been promised in romance novels, feminist sexuality tracts

The opinions on what, exactly, is wrong with you vary: You’re either too uptight about sex and embarrassed about your body to enjoy it properly; you’re frigid (as recently as 2000, you could write an article about cunnilingus for a major website that put down women who were reluctant to engage in it as outdated prudes); or, most popularly, “no one’s done it right to you yet.” Worst of all, some partners have assumed that I’m covertly critiquing their oral sex style, and when I say that I don’t like oral sex, what I mean is that I don’t like receiving oral sex from them.

[I] have a voice in the back of my head that tells me that maybe I just haven’t had the “right” oral sex yet. But that feeling is rooted in the shame that society puts on women — that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have sex the way you’re told that women are supposed to have sex.


In Amanda Chatel, ‘s piece: Not All Women Like Oral Sex, And This Is Why

When I got to college and started hooking up with more guys — guys who actually loved giving head — I still remained anti-oral. Having already decided my vagina was a place where no tongue or mouth should go, I talked my way out of it as much as possible.

From insecurities about their vagina to body issues to just a simple lack of interest, some women just don’t want their partner, whether they’re male or female, face-to-face with that part of their body. It takes different things to get people off, and frankly, some of us ladies just don’t put having our lady bits licked and nibbled that high on our list.



Many women still refuse the opportunity to capitalize on getting orally serviced in an #FLR. One of the main attractions to a #FLR is that the woman controls the sex. If she wants cunnilingus, she can expect and get it from her submissive partner.

In  How to Become a Cunnilingus Master 

Vanessa Marin writes:

Cunnilingus has an undeserved reputation of being one of the trickiest sexual acts to perform well. I think this characterization is grounded in cultural judgments of women’s genitals as being “complicated” and “mysterious”. Let’s lay this unfair reputation to rest with some straightforward advice on performing some awesome cunnilingus.

Check out:

No-brainier about a Femdom Wife led marriage and Oral Sex — A Femdom Wife’s Life

Here is a link to this post


Here is a no-brainier about a Femdom Wife led marriage. Besides many other benefits like financial security, no arguments, a partner that does 100 percent of the joint choirs and duties, etc. is the sex. Since my last post I have received a mountain of e-mail regarding oral sex, the receiving of it as a […]

via No-brainier about a Femdom Wife led marriage and Oral Sex — A Femdom Wife’s Life

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Kisses are the window to the soul



In Why We Kiss: The Science of Kissing

Kissing allows us to get close enough to a mate to assess essential characteristics about them, none of which we’re consciously processing…research indicates we do communicate with chemicals.

females put more importance on kissing, and most would never have sex without kissing first. Men, on the other hand, would have sex without kissing beforehand; they would also have sex with someone who wasn’t a good kisser.

Kissing… plays a role not only in mate selection but also in bonding

in Kissing: the first step in sexual communication

a kiss is the first opportunity for intending or established partners to physically connect with each other.

A good kiss can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship, a journey through your partner’s soul. And whether it’s your first kiss or your thousandth, whether it’s with someone new or with your long-term partner, kissing leaves an impression, one that lingers long after your lips have disengaged.

A good kissing session can last for hours without the hint of sexual intentions, depending on the level of chemistry and passion between the partners, just as it can be abrupt and a complete turn-off, especially for the female. If done right, a good kiss can be intoxicating, mesmerizing and even magical, leaving you breathless and in a state of exquisite euphoria.





Kissing someone is a way to learn and communicate with them  read here

Life Secrets

Eyes are the window to the soul. I personally do not think so.

You know those people who have one night stands? what about those people who just wants to make out with a bunch of people? I’m not really one of those, although I don’t really find these acts as something meaningful or meaningless. I suppose if you do these things with someone you have a deep connection and strong feelings for then they are meaningful or if you do them simply out of needs then they are meaningless, but for me? I’m mostly just curious.

Going back to my quote before, I really don’t think that the regular “eyes are the window to the soul” is the real thing. I think its kisses. Not one person kiss the same way right? Even if it’s in the middle of a very passionate moment, not every one kisses hard or…

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