Why are guys interested in orally servicing their partner in a #FLR but women are disinterested – despite the benefits?


For many, cunnilingus is regarded as still a sign of masculine weakness.

In this post   about the history of cunnilingus,  Whores of Yore  

remarks about the view of ancient Greeks that cunnilingus is

…generally regarded as something repugnant, used only by lesbians, and weak men whose erection had failed them. The fear that the penis is being replaced, or is not ‘enough’, is palpable.


post I Don’t Like Receiving Oral Sex, and There’s Not a Damn Thing Wrong With That

[traditionally] oral sex was typically considered downright kinky, and doing it carried a lot of emotional baggage and moral hang-ups.

But even with guys who [were experienced], I never really felt much of anything. It was an experience roughly as stimulating and erotic as having my elbow skin methodically licked. It didn’t bother me or feel bad, but it was not the paradise my adolescent self had been promised in romance novels, feminist sexuality tracts

The opinions on what, exactly, is wrong with you vary: You’re either too uptight about sex and embarrassed about your body to enjoy it properly; you’re frigid (as recently as 2000, you could write an article about cunnilingus for a major website that put down women who were reluctant to engage in it as outdated prudes); or, most popularly, “no one’s done it right to you yet.” Worst of all, some partners have assumed that I’m covertly critiquing their oral sex style, and when I say that I don’t like oral sex, what I mean is that I don’t like receiving oral sex from them.

[I] have a voice in the back of my head that tells me that maybe I just haven’t had the “right” oral sex yet. But that feeling is rooted in the shame that society puts on women — that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have sex the way you’re told that women are supposed to have sex.


In Amanda Chatel, ‘s piece: Not All Women Like Oral Sex, And This Is Why

When I got to college and started hooking up with more guys — guys who actually loved giving head — I still remained anti-oral. Having already decided my vagina was a place where no tongue or mouth should go, I talked my way out of it as much as possible.

From insecurities about their vagina to body issues to just a simple lack of interest, some women just don’t want their partner, whether they’re male or female, face-to-face with that part of their body. It takes different things to get people off, and frankly, some of us ladies just don’t put having our lady bits licked and nibbled that high on our list.



Many women still refuse the opportunity to capitalize on getting orally serviced in an #FLR. One of the main attractions to a #FLR is that the woman controls the sex. If she wants cunnilingus, she can expect and get it from her submissive partner.

In  How to Become a Cunnilingus Master 

Vanessa Marin writes:

Cunnilingus has an undeserved reputation of being one of the trickiest sexual acts to perform well. I think this characterization is grounded in cultural judgments of women’s genitals as being “complicated” and “mysterious”. Let’s lay this unfair reputation to rest with some straightforward advice on performing some awesome cunnilingus.

Check out:

No-brainier about a Femdom Wife led marriage and Oral Sex — A Femdom Wife’s Life

Here is a link to this post


Here is a no-brainier about a Femdom Wife led marriage. Besides many other benefits like financial security, no arguments, a partner that does 100 percent of the joint choirs and duties, etc. is the sex. Since my last post I have received a mountain of e-mail regarding oral sex, the receiving of it as a […]

via No-brainier about a Femdom Wife led marriage and Oral Sex — A Femdom Wife’s Life

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Kisses are the window to the soul



In Why We Kiss: The Science of Kissing

Kissing allows us to get close enough to a mate to assess essential characteristics about them, none of which we’re consciously processing…research indicates we do communicate with chemicals.

females put more importance on kissing, and most would never have sex without kissing first. Men, on the other hand, would have sex without kissing beforehand; they would also have sex with someone who wasn’t a good kisser.

Kissing… plays a role not only in mate selection but also in bonding

in Kissing: the first step in sexual communication

a kiss is the first opportunity for intending or established partners to physically connect with each other.

A good kiss can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship, a journey through your partner’s soul. And whether it’s your first kiss or your thousandth, whether it’s with someone new or with your long-term partner, kissing leaves an impression, one that lingers long after your lips have disengaged.

A good kissing session can last for hours without the hint of sexual intentions, depending on the level of chemistry and passion between the partners, just as it can be abrupt and a complete turn-off, especially for the female. If done right, a good kiss can be intoxicating, mesmerizing and even magical, leaving you breathless and in a state of exquisite euphoria.





Kissing someone is a way to learn and communicate with them  read here

Life Secrets

Eyes are the window to the soul. I personally do not think so.

You know those people who have one night stands? what about those people who just wants to make out with a bunch of people? I’m not really one of those, although I don’t really find these acts as something meaningful or meaningless. I suppose if you do these things with someone you have a deep connection and strong feelings for then they are meaningful or if you do them simply out of needs then they are meaningless, but for me? I’m mostly just curious.

Going back to my quote before, I really don’t think that the regular “eyes are the window to the soul” is the real thing. I think its kisses. Not one person kiss the same way right? Even if it’s in the middle of a very passionate moment, not every one kisses hard or…

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I Think I Might Be Bisexual, Now What Do I Do?

Just what is it like to be’bisexual’? It’s difficult to pin down. It’s strongly discouraged in the USA. But it it not ‘abnormal’ . http://bit.ly/2N9At90


What Does It Mean to Be Bisexual?

Bisexual people have the capacity to love people of their same gender or of a different gender. This can include physical, sexual, and emotional attraction, and/or relationships. Over time in life, a bisexual person might feel attracted to men, women, transgender people, and/or genderqueer people, or to one gender in preference to the others. The strength of these attractions may change over time. Being bisexual does not define either one’s lifestyle or sexual behavior. Bisexual people may be men, women, transgender, or genderqueer.  They may be monogamous or abstinent or may have multiple sexual partners, just like heterosexual and lesbian and gay people. Many people are bisexual and bisexuality cuts across distinctions of race/ethnicity, gender identity, age, class, ability, and religious affiliation. You are not alone, and you are likely to meet bisexual people just about anywhere you go.

How Do I…

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Adventures in cougaring


Sometimes you’ll succumb to a cougar relationship…and regret it later

In Cougar Relationships Are All the Rage, But Do They Ever Work?

If a cougar…picks a younger man because she thinks she’ll be more in control and therefore there’s less of a chance of getting hurt…the success rate for these relationships will be low.

age is not the problem — different values, lifestyles, life stages, and poor relationship skills are…If a cougar or her younger man have different values, lifestyles, poor communication skills, the inability to compromise, and an unwillingness to understand their partner’s viewpoint — success is not likely. [If] the couple [are] at different life stages it often creates major trouble for the longevity of their relationship.


she told him she wouldn’t get serious…but he pursued her anyway. Read here

hiding in plain sight

I would like to fall madly in love with someone new. I am increasingly realizing that this will necessitate the person being around my age, or at least like 35 (I’m 45). Even a really mature and awesome young person tends to lack…I dunno. Life experience or cynicism or something. I can’t seem to connect with them anymore on anything past a friend or FWB level.

Buttttt a 23yo local sub placed an ad in one of the FetLife classifieds groups and he really did seem amazing and I thought “hey, maybe let’s just see.”

Or, well. It was a bit more convoluted than that. His ad said that he was looking for someone around his own age and monogamous so I didn’t respond to his ad. I commented on a couple of his pics, though, in a friendly fashion. And apparently I piqued his interest despite being all old…

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3 – First Spanking


In How To Properly Spank Your Wife!

Constance gives 3 reasons why a spanking is necessary:

Leadership – I really need a man to lead me’

Satisfaction- it makes me happy and stops my mood changes…submitting to my man is therapeutic’

It puts me in my place-  I was really bratty and snarky over something…[after the spanking] I felt relieved, refocused, grounded and centered again…it is really helpful to reinstate peace at home

conclusion: a therapeutic spanking never hurts!

After the spanking…She told her dominant that she didn’t regret her naughtiness because it got him to commit to the relationship she wanted…read here 


Loving Discipline life

So we are only just truly beginning this journey, but i feel inspired and excited and hopeful and turned on … all-the-time now.

And i wondered what that “first time” would be like… first time ….for spanking.

i wondered all sorts of things about it  – would it hurt (i hoped so, but would i regret that ‘hope’ should it come to fruition), if it hurt how long, would i ask for more, would i cry, would i regret wanting this lifestyle afterward, would i have to find a way ‘out’ of it if i did regret it, what have i gotten myself into..  among the few anyway.

And that’s when it occurred to me that i was NOT being submissive with this thinking.  God says “don’t worry” about anything … for any reason … anytime.  And well, let’s be honest, i wasn’t ‘wondering’ about the spanking, but i was…

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Gay or straight ? How should a bisexual guy present himself?


Should a bi guy turn on his straight side when he’s with straights, his gay side when he’s with gays?


Society tends to erase bisexuality. Check out these common myths:

Bi erasure is a serious problem that isn’t just promoted by straight people, but on occasion, by the non-bi queer community as well. Identifying as bisexual often feels like you’re stuck in limbo — not “gay” enough for some, and not “straight” enough for others.


  • Bisexual+ people face less harmful stigma than lesbian or gay people
  • Bisexual people are transphobic
  • Bi men don’t exist, and are probably just gay
  • Bisexual people magically become straight when they’re in a relationship with a heterosexual partner
  • Bisexual people are polyamorous



Some thoughts in this post



What does a bisexual man look like?


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What happens if a guy says no if he’s in a #femdom #flr?

Nagging Girlfriend

What if you refuse to go further? I don’t mean a sub with a bratty tease. I mean you just can’t take any more of the FLR!   This post is not intended to get you back on the horse and take your licks. While some dominatrices have this view, it is not shared by most couples who have a FLR.

But first, lets look at what a traditional Domme would say.





Ferns answers this  reader’s question

When I develop an idea of what to do with him and how to fuck with his mind, and if then…the man does not obey.

Her advice:


1. Build the relationship you want. This takes time and work, but you have to, really.
2. Make expectations clear. Have clear expectations from the start so that he knows what saying ‘no’ means for the dynamic.
3. Clarify. IF he says ‘no’, clarify that he understands that this is serious, and make sure you understand what is going on just in case you have missed something
4. Discuss/Reassess. Calmly talk about it, reset expectations if you need to, and be prepared to keep your core requirements for the relationship intact.




If you unwittingly (like you were too horny one night) agree to a FLR that has a penalty for saying ‘no’, then you’re stuck unless you can renegotiate your terms. She does suggest: “reset expectations if you need to, and be prepared to keep your core requirements for the relationship intact”. Does that mean ‘no’ is acceptable? Or does ‘no’ violate your partner’s ‘core requirements’? If not, You may need a lawyer (ugh!) or kiss this relationship goodbye.

Word to the wise (guys) – don’t follow your dick when you agree to a relationship!

I see relationships as a transaction [this is similar but not the same as Transactional Analysis] .  You sub to your dominant in the way she likes and she gives you a reward if she’s satisfied. She’ll say: “sweety, clean the kitchen and make dinner and I’ll have something special for you after”. Unless you get off on serving your domme all the time, you do what she wants for the reward you’re expecting.

Check out this real life FLR: Dominatrix reveals she has two live-in male sex slaves who spend every hour of the day waiting on her hand and foot



Dahlia Rain, from New Jersey, shares her home with the men who cook, clean, tidy, buy groceries, and walk the dog in return for “rewards” of the BDSM kind.

As reward for serving Dahlia, the subs receive BDSM punishments, such as being bound, gagged and whipped.

Dahlia said: “Play is always a reward for them, but they have to earn it – it’s not easy.”


John, Dahlia and Fluffy, right, first met six years ago at a fetish party in New York City, and quickly became friends before entering into a dom/sub relationship.






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