Understanding Adultery for Writers

Why do people cheat? A psychological explanation for writing

Faithfulness in a relationship is a moral (and legal) expectation in many cultures, largely because it maintains trust and fidelity (and reduces the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases…). But adultery is a reality, in around 30% to 60% of all relationships it seems. In fact, it’s been estimated that 2% to 3% of all children are the result of infidelity. So if affairs impact real-life relationship, then they’ll raise their unhappy heads in our books. As a writer, it’s understanding the motivation behind a behaviour that will create characters with depth and authenticity.

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The trouble with professional BDSM

Why do some #bdsm “lifestylers” dislike prodommes? Is there any real difference when both enjoy the activity?

Mistress Tissa's BDSMlog

Some people seem to have a lot of issues with providing BDSM as a professional service. The group I’m most confused about are the “lifestyle” BDSM practitioners. Some of them have a problem with the lifestyle Dominants/submissives/switches who are also professional. They don’t seem to understand that you can be both; they are not mutually exclusive. In fact, being both can be amazing, if you are able to make it work for you.

First of all, I want to clarify, for those that don’t know, the term “lifestyle”* and how it’s used in BDSM. It implies that BDSM and fetish play is something you do in your day-to-day life. You do it because you enjoy it; you are genuinely into it. It is your “lifestyle”.

When someone is strictly a lifestyle BDSM practitioner, they generally don’t ask for compensation. Sometimes they may ask their play partners to help provide toys…

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Inside the mind of slave m

What a session with a dominatrix is like… a slave’s account!

Mistress Tissa's BDSMlog

It had been almost three weeks since my last session with Mistress Tissa when i sent the email that read’ “are You possibly available on (date/time) for me to serve You?” Then i began my wait, hoping that Mistress Tissa would allow me to serve Her on the date and time that i requested. Actually, although i consider myself to be a fairly patient person, i simply could not wait this time for Mistress Tissa’s response, checking my email constantly to see if She has replied. The only thing that could possibly make the wait any worse would be if Mistress Tissa told me that She was unavailable on the date that i requested. But, in this case the response was positive and i immediately begin looking forward to my next session with a true Goddess in Mistress Tissa.

Three weeks is a very long time for me between sessions…

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F/M Spanking Sunday — “Serena” by Randy (sarah3333)

How a younger man takes charge of an older woman with #spanking…

Jodi's Luscious Book Reviews

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why do (some) women dominate (some) men?

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Why do women dominate guys?

There are few studies on the subject of women dominating men (and many of men dominating women). Most articles on the subject are about dominatrixes or ProDommes since they are easily identified by their occupation.  But many couples in #bdsm lifestyles are not dominatrixes.  We must generalize dominance to include lifestylers and ProDommes.

In an article published by Stephen Betchen in Psychology Today, he lists popular origins of the dominatrix:

1. Adolescent curiosity

2. An association is made between an object of pain (e.g., whip) and excitement/pleasure

3. The association continues to be reinforced throughout a person’s life

4. Lack of maternal attention

5. Lack of maternal affection

6. Little to no control, sexual or otherwise

7. Sexual abuse

8. A need for money

he summarizes from his clinical experience of interviewing dominatrixes that:

[many of a dominant’s] histories confirm a significant loss of power or control in their families of origin. This loss may have come in the form of abuse, sexual or nonsexual, or in the context of feeling powerless or “without a voice” in the family.

 

If include the lifestyle dominants, the need for money can be motivated by business interest or needs of circumstance. I include sexual trauma with “sexual abuse”.

In Betchen’s article, he lists facts and fallacies about dominatrixes. I present those that address the wider aspect of domination:

5. It’s usually more about power and control than sex

13. Most…receive personal enjoyment

14. Figuring out and meeting a submissive’s needs is the main high for many dominatrices

15. Another high is the level of trust given to them by the submissive

16. Reducing the submissive to a state of erotic helplessness is also a high

17. There is some evidence that the dynamic creates a strong physiological bond (i.e., oxytocin)

19. Activities vary: not all dominatrices inflict physical pain; some use only verbal humiliation

22. Some dominatrices believe the opposite gender is truly inferior

24. Struggle is appreciated because “bending the will” of the [submissive] is a high

27. Pushing or stretching a submissive’s limits is enjoyed

31. Dom or sub preference will depend a lot on one’s nonsexual personality

32. Some people can be both dominant and submissive but most prefer one over the other

33. There are organizations centered on a dom/sub culture

M.Farouk Radwan lists reasons [why] some women control men or their husbands:

  1. The Woman was raised by a controlling mom – if a woman was raised in a house where her mother was the dominant and controlling figure in the family then the girl will grow up assuming that a woman should control her man
  2. Insecure women might become control freaks – an insecure woman might try to feel secure by controlling her environment and this includes controlling her husband
  3. Masculine protest and controlling women – these women turn into control freaks in order to assume the superior role which is the role of a man
  4. Controlling women choose weak men – the woman who wants to control a man will look for a man who can easily be controlled

 

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Of course, women who assume the dominant role are not usually alone in their effort. Many men encourage them. Bechten contends that:

the literature has found that [masochistic] men usually initiate this type of [bdsm] lifestyle, and try hard to convince their female counterparts to join them.

For example, a guy can hook up with someone who shows signs of dominance in other aspects of their personality in hopes of persuading them to dominate them sexually. In some relationships, the dominant initiates or lays the groundwork for domination of their partner. If either does not succeed, the relationship may fail [because] relational success [does not have] the matchup (such as dominant/submissive roles) of interests. 

G. Seidman predicted that people who are high in sensation-seeking…would be especially likely to prefer dominant partners

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The social pathologist  describes the high cost for women who prefer to be dominant in a relationship:

[dominant women]  are incredibly successful in nearly everything they undertake …except their personal lives.

What is the most predominate reason that some women dominate guys in a relationship?

The most common reason a person takes the dominant role in a relationship is to assert control. Women who have experienced sexual abuse, discomfort or trauma may want to control the sexual activity of their partner. Women who have lived with economic hardship might want to control the financial aspects of their relationship. Women who are generally regarded inferior by the common culture might want to control how their partner respects them (at least in the privacy of their home).

 

 

 

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Corporal Punishment

The benefits of corporal punishment to a dominant

Smiling Through the Evil

30 Days of Dominance

Day 8 – Is spanking or corporal punishment part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about spanking and/or corporal punishment as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?

Yes, it is part of my dominance.

That’s exactly what I want to know… why not? Unless I had a submissive that was a masochist, I see no reason not to take advantage of painful punishment.

While it is not fun (for the submissive), a physically painful punishment can be very freeing. It gives an outlet for negative thoughts and feelings, and it is a way to pay for infractions so their guilt doesn’t build up and get in the way of my fun.

There’s also the benefits I wrote about here.

Not to mention, it turns me on.

So, I ask again, why not?

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How I Became a Domme by Mistress Satine

From a waitress to a Dominatrix: Mistress Satine’s entry into the #BDSM lifestyle

iWantBlog

Many fans and subs have asked how I entered the Femdom lifestyle so I decided I would use my first blog post with iWantClips to introduce myself, Mistress Satine, and give you some insight as to how I became involved in the fetish world. I have loved every minute of it and have learned so much over the years. I have met some amazing, wonderful people and it has really changed my life.

It all started shortly after graduation. I was in school, working two jobs to pay for my expenses and luxuries while being a full time student. I was working at On the Border, a Tex-Mex restaurant, as a waitress when a customer approached me before leaving and asked if they could have my work socks. I essentially shoo’ed the man away and was not so kind in my wording. About a week or two later, he…

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