Guys, know your limits in Femdom


Often a novice guy will tell a dominant that he has no limits. In many instances, she’ll break off any further communication with him. Why? A dominant will feel a guy who proclaims he has no limits is naive or, even worse, untruthful or at least out of touch with his reality.

It’s understandable that some guys will lie in order to get the first date with a dominant. It’s also possible that a newbie will not know a fraction of the many types of #bdsm play and assume he can enjoy these few activities without any limits.

Fortunately, there is a middle area that a guy new to the scene can answer to the limits without exposing his level of experience. It comes from separating “hard” limits from the “soft” ones.

The hard limits are activities that you refuse to do under any circumstances. Although justification isn’t usually required, hard limits come from physical, psychological, moral or hygienic considerations. Some kinds of #bdsm play can terrify all but the most seasoned players.

The soft limits are those that you might consider under the right circumstances. Here are a few of the main ones to consider:

  • pain play. Few people actually enjoy pain. However, pain applied in the context of arousal can be sexually stimulating. Consider nipple play. Clamping or squeezing a guy’s nipples can usually lead to pain. But if a guy connects the nipple pain with his erection, the sensation can be arousing. Pegging has a similar pain/arousal connection. Both have a neural connection to the erotic sensations of a guy’s body.
  • Impact play (such as flogging non-genital areas) does not seem to have that connection. At first a guy might decide impact play is at least a soft limit. But what if he gets into a deeper relationship with his dominant and she tells him to suffer for her. He agrees to go along with the play. As the pain intensifies, he becomes aroused. If his dominant is skilled, she will sustain his arousal as she increases the level of pain.
  • Consuming your dominant’s bodily fluids. Most guys who are not into kink or bdsm are repulsed by bodily fluids that usually are produced during sex. But over time, a guy may want to consume parts of his dominant to become at one with her.
  • Placing your fingers, fist or tongue in the more intimate areas of your dominant. Many guys are not comfortable touching intimate areas of their partner. But your dominant may force you to gratify her with your hands or tongue. If you are already going down the road to submission, this will lead you further. At some point you’ll wonder why you ever resisted.


To conclude, always be realistic with your hard limits but consider soft limits as things you’ll eventually come around to liking as you get further into the relationship with your dominant.

for more reading, check these articles:


Hard and Soft Limits? The Sooner You Know About Them The Better

Hard Vs. Soft Limits

Everything That’s Wrong with Your BDSM Limits List – And How To Fix It

Limits & Boundaries: Tips & Learn How to Find Your Limits – BDSM

Examples of Soft and Hard Limits



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Flipping the switch 18+ NSFW

How her sub switched and topped her…and she called him “daddy”

Journey to Submission???

It’s been a long time since I’ve done a switching recap. Here is one from last night….

I’m so happy because apparently I didn’t break him after all!  Sayyid took complete control in the bedroom tonight.

As many of you know, I like to switch it up in the bedroom and occasionally bottom. The last time I wanted sayyid to top me, he couldn’t. However the moment I took control again he was good to go. So I thought I somehow broke him and I was worried I would never be topped again. That worry went away tonight….

Tonight after dinner he heads straight to the bedroom like a good boy to work on his assignment. I follow, without a plan this time. Let’s just see what happens.

I lay down beside him on the bed and read the first part of his essay (I’m really impressed. I may post…

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Simple games to play with your sub

How to liven up your D/s with your sub…by playing games with him…if he loses, he’s punished!


I enjoy playing games. All kinds. Board games. Cards. Dice. You name it. I’m pretty competitive so maybe that accounts for it.

So it’s only natural that as a Mistress I have incorporated my love of game playing into my dynamic. It makes things fun, exciting, and interesting. It also creates a good balance between those times when I’m being serious, sensual and/or sadistic, vs introducing some lightheartedness and friendly competition into the mix.

It can certainly provide some interesting and entertaining moments. For example when playing Race to the Finish, something was said that caused us both to burst out laughing and we couldn’t stop! Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on giving yourself an orgasm when you and your partner are laughing uncontrollably…. but you can’t stop what you’re doing because you want to be the first one across that finish line…. but the absurdity…

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The Striptease (NSFW)

He does a poledance for her and she’s happy for her little slut!


Pumped up beats and a delightful ambiance, the first things that greeted me as I entered the room. I could smell the liquor in the air and spot the scenes of flirty males and preppy girls.

But I wouldn’t be having any of that tonight. I had one and only one purpose tonight. She had told me that she would be out at the party, relaxing for the night as the day had taken its toll on her. I had not expected work to end too quickly for me. Yet, I had a surprise in mind for her tonight.

Tonight was the night of free stripteases at the club. That is, any volunteer could come up to the stage, to give the audience an eyeful of scenes which would be reserved only for the night. I had something special in mind for her. She had shown an interest in my…

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If you’re not sure what some of the terms that bloggers in this group write about, check the GLOSSARY/ACRONYMS of #bdsm terms

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Guys, if your dominant gives you oral, is she submissive?


fingernail torture by artist: Volpe

Some femdom writers claim that a domme should never give her sub a #bj because it would be out of character. To them, a dominant going down on her sub would blur the boundaries between dominant and submissive. They claim a dominant should only allow her sub to serve her as a privilege.

In her essay, danae addresses the issue:
some Dominants believe that “real Dominants” should never give oral sex
The issue is about control. The dominant decides to perform oral on her submissive.
Your Dominant is controlling the situation and experience no matter what type of pleasure or pain he/she gives the submissive.
But if a guy has had intense bdsm play, with his domme, she might give him some relief with a bj. For many, sexual release after a pain session intensifies the bdsm experience.
 If the Dominant and submissive could realize that in using the Dominants mouth to reduce the submissive into a helpless puddle that the Dominant controls whether and how the submissive feels those sensations.
BDSMWeblog contends that the person giving oral is the top.
 in an S&M sense …, the top is the one creating the sensations, and the bottom is the one that experiences them.  Though this might or might not involve any sort of overt power exchange, the top is definitely the one in control … performing oral sex would correlate to the activity of a top.
Domination and submission are not determined simply by acts you do with your partner, but by the dynamic of the relationship. A guy can be submissive to his dominant and still lead situations that require his skills. Your partner will likely allow you to decide how to do your job, fix your car or deal with personal matters.
Many D/s relationship have routines and rituals that restore the dynamic of their relationship. In her essay, JolynnRaymond writes:
The routines are how the relationship runs, what it looks like, what it includes that meets both the dominant and submissive’s needs. The rituals are the oil that makes it run smoothly and the gas that makes it run at all. How do you show praise and respect? How do you make each other feel loved and wanted? How do you make that symbol of your D/s relationship have special importance? How to do add touches be they positions, words, or deeds that make you D/s relationship more than the cookie cutter I read how to do this in a book kind of relationship?

To conclude, partners in a D/s relationship may do things that are not “normal” to bdsm practices because it works for them. They can use routines and rituals to restore their special relationship.

Additional information.

Giving Good Head





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When a dom gets bored

why some people are not interested in taking the dominant role…because they are bored with their passive sub. Here are things a sub can do to rekindle interest in the relationship…

Journey to Submission???

I get bored. I like being pursued or pursuing. Once I’ve been caught or have caught you, the fun shouldn’t end there. Make me laugh. Excite me. Arouse me. If you don’t, I get bored.

Don’t get me wrong. I know it’s a two way street. But I put in my efforts. I try and make it fun and exciting and arousing for both of us. However, if I’m getting nothing in return, if I’m always, or mostly, being the one to initiate, I will get bored and tire of it. You will lose my interest. You will lose me.

As a sub, challenge me. Push back. This will light the fire in my eyes. This will bring me back to life. Tell me what you want so I can either grant it or withhold it, making you crave and beg for it. This will excite me. Keep me entertained…

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