A femdom/flr relationship has at least one ritual that guys should be doing right. This is the same one they should do with their partner in vanilla relationships.
If you’re squeamish about going down on your partner, change your mindset quick or find another line of work.
Some guys think that going down on their partner is a submissive act but their partner may not think so unless she controls it. A bigger problem is that guys get their ideas about the act from watching porn. In porn, a guy slips off her panties and performs a few quick licks and then goes for the PIV. Unfortunately, most women who are not in a porn movie don’t warm up to sex this quickly.
There are some women who don’t like cunnilingus at all, some like it only sparingly and some who wish they had a lot more of it from their partner.
The reason many women can barely tolerate a guy going down on them is either they think they’ll pick up some STI/STD from his mouth, or that the guy really doesn’t know what he’s doing.
It’s hard to blame guys for not knowing what’s down there but they can learn. DominaJen has a post that thoroughly explains the anatomy and the most important spot in it, the clit.
You can “bone up” on how to perform cunnilingus from Violet Blue’s book:
The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Women and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure
Whether you’re into vanilla or kink, if your partner takes a long bath before sex, chances are she’s inviting you to a munch. If she does, what will you do?
Although much more can be said about the subject, I want to dive into the vanilla and kink rituals as they apply to your relationship.
Check out this article on Devotional Sex (DevS)
Vanilla:
With vanilla her acknowledging his arousal has expectations that sex has started and this will be a few minutes of foreplay, then most time spent with intercourse, and ending with his ejaculation. She may or may not have an orgasm along the way.
And her in this position has expectation that she is about to give him some oral sex.
Dom/sub:
Here she is feeling and acting dominant, and he feels submissive. The kink most likely to happen is tease and denial – she will ‘work’ to keep him on the edge of being about to ejaculate (the tease) and then deny him release. She enjoys cruely denying him and he enjoys the feeling of frustration.
Though a few women enjoy doing this to their partner, she has to do the work of giving him sexual pleasure for a long time (the tease). So this is more about fulfilling his fantasy than hers.
Devotional Sex:
With DevS he has committed to not ejaculate nearly as often as before, so he is likely to get hard every morning and every bedtime. As he wants sex all the time, and this is practicable, he has also given her control over what happens and when.
So she doesn’t feel she is denying him when she ends activity without him ejaculating (it’s their new normal so most of the time she doesn’t think about it) and she doesn’t need to act nor feel dominant as she decides what is going to happen next.
Though his desire for further activity is obvious, he has no expectations at all for what will happen next as he knows that in a minute she might just say “that’s all for tonight”.
If she wants to give him a few seconds or minutes of oral sex she will. But perhaps tonight she just wants to enjoy looking at him as she gently plays with him. If she wants intercourse tonight it will happen – but that is the exception as most of the times they have activity intercourse doesn’t happen. If she wants to receive oral sex she knows her Knight is keen to pleasure her – she isn’t telling him to do it but more allowing him to. So if she wants an orgasm tonight she will get it.
So with Devotional Sex she is relaxed and enjoying his arousal of her Knight who will fulfill her wishes, and he is enjoying desiring his Princess, enjoying her touch, and as he doesn’t know what is going to happen next, feeling that he is in her hands.
How would you start DevS with your partner?
For a man to use Devotional Sex for a fling he simply tells his lady friend that he likes to do things a bit differently – that he will do anything she wishes as long as he enjoys it too, that intercourse and everything else is optional and she can just enjoy receiving lots of oral sex if she wishes, and that at the end he doesn’t ejaculate at the end (but loves a cuddle).
For a woman wanting to use Devotional Sex for a fling it is too much to expect that her lucky man will agree to not ejaculate at the end. But she can get him to agree that the ‘price’ of having sex with her is that he agrees to give her control and he will do as she wishes (as long as he is willing) and she promises to give him a good time. This is great way for her to avoid unwanted porn-style sex and enables her to manage the encounter so that they both enjoy all that happens.
With Devotional Friends the friends agree that not only he will never ejaculate when with her and that she decides what happens and doesn’t happen, but that they will never go as far as intercourse. This restriction opens up an amazing playground of adult erotic fun and intimacy where what happens can stay mild or be very sexual as she wishes. This concept isn’t about making normal F-w-B relationships more chaste, but opening up some erotic fun and pleasures when one or both don’t want to go all of the way.
Cunnilingus can be the most important ritual you’ll perform with your dominant. DevSex depends on commands issued by a Princess to her Knight:
Whatever word or phrase is used, the most important part of Ritual is that whenever a Princess `asks´ for oral sex her Knight obliges, and that he does not stop giving her oral until she `asks´ for it to stop.
The Princess-Knight role-play is one of many you might choose. Your dominant could be a teacher and you a student, she a prison guard and you her prisoner, etc. Or you could simply be a slave to your dominant.
The important takeaway is the ritual of DevSex. Rituals are activities that reinforce the special D/s relationship you have with your partner.
there are several rituals of performing cunnilingus:
- the devotional cuddle – If her legs are together you move down to lie by her side and cuddle her with your head resting on her lower tummy and your nose just above her vagina
- a blissette – a kissing Ritual can be used to enjoy just a Blissette when in bed at night, or during a short morning cuddle. The Blissette might consist only of the intimate Ritual Cuddle, or it can be a `good morning´ or a `good night´ Pleasure Kiss.
- a bud kiss – Giving oral sex to the bud can be very special for couples willing to do this. DominaJen claims that kissing the clit directly is a complete turnoff for her.
- the pleasure kiss – If your partner opens her legs and you reposition yourself to lie between her legs and then give her a Pleasure Kiss.
In practice, the dominant initiates devotional cuddling with her submissive. She may do only that. On occasions, she pushes his head lower to her mons pubis and allows him to lick her with her panties on. Again, she may stop him and do nothing more. If she wishes to proceed, she’ll direct him with a command (such as “move my panties to the side and continue”). He continues to worship her pussy for 5, 10, 15, 30 minutes or as long as she likes. This usually goes in phases:
- warmup – he circles his tongue around the outer lips (labia majora), including the thighs until she gives him the command to go closer.
- outer labial kissing – his tongue parts her outer labia gently. He continues until the inner lips (labia minora) begin to swell and protrude.
- inner labial kissing – his tongue circles the inner lips with special attention to the area above the clitoral hood.
- clit stimulus. The clit is the apex of the labia minora tucked under the clitoral hood. When she is aroused, the clit will become erect and possibly protrude. At this time gently cross the clitoral hood with his tongue. Do not press on the cllit!
- dry to wet. if you succeed at stimulating the hood of the clit , check for secretion of vaginal fluid.
- finger insertion. If fluids are dripping from the vagina, she may indicate to him to insert one or more fingers. If she does, he first dabs his fingers in her fluid to lube them up. He inserts one finger, then another and as many as she prefers and begins to probe the canal while continuing to lick her clitoral hood.
- g-spot. He applies the “come hither” motion to the upper walls of her canal, rubbing a small bump gently:
“If your partner is lying on her back, you can insert a finger into her vagina and locate the area. It is commonly found two inches into the vagina and on the anterior wall. Think of trying to touch her belly button from the inside.”
Dr. O’Reilly has a few finger techniques that … are ideal for G-spot stimulation
“Curl two fingers into the vagina and press them up against the upper wall in a tick-tock motion,” she says. “You can also try curling three fingers into the vagina and pulse them rhythmically against the upper wall. Or, curl two fingers in and pull out against the upper wall in a ‘come hither’ motion.”
Too much of a good thing. Remember, she is your dominant and she controls your sexual service to her. She may be at another level and push you away. If so, don’t insist on continuing as there may be reasons she cannot handle more stimulation of this kind.
At this point, I diverge from the old-guard of #BDSM who say “always obey and serve your dominant” partly because my dominant wanted something different and our next moves work for us.
Because she is your dominant, she knows very much about the relationship between pain and sex. She may also be willing to switch with the right person at the right time. You have to go with your instincts for what actions will work for you.
Grab her. Stop licking her and use your hands to clutch her butt. Pull her into your arms and do something symbolic such as a little nip on her neck. If there’s a paddle or strap laying around (usually for her to use on me), use it! Bend her over and give her a few stingy swats. Continue with rough play until you hear her say things like:
“If you do any more of that, I’ll beat you, ” she’ll yell, “don’t believe me, just try!”
So you give her one more whack harder than the ones before. She’ll yelp. You’ve struck oil – a gusher will stream down her legs.
You must go on what you’ve worked out with your partner’s fantasies about rough play. My partner wants PIB. I slip on a condom, apply some lube and take a shot at her butt. I relax her sphincter and go in easy. She may be pushing her favorite vibrator up the other passage you just visited. The sensation of two ‘cocks’ pressing against each other is out of this world!
If all goes to plan, you’ll both climax the way each of you prefers. You remember you’ll be in for a beating afterward, but you’ll savor the moment you’ve had with your partner and think it was worth it!
To conclude, the most common renewing rite for people in a femdom/flr relationship is the oral service a sub provides to his dominant. To keep the rite from becoming a stale ritual, mix it up. Follow your instincts, show your passion to her and get her excited. People become aroused more from the psychological experience of their partner’s spontaneous actions and the surprise moves he initiates than from following predictable rituals.
Other reading:
Vaginal Erection: The new wisdom in the development of sexual sensitivity to give women genuine orgasms The revolutionary five keys to open the doors to paradise
by
dave94015 