More people are into underwear than bdsm as a kink .
a kink is something that A) turns us on, and is B) outside of the predetermined “norm,” …Kink could be anything from getting excited by someone wearing stockings or becoming nearly orgasmic when smelling a partner’s sweat, to everything within the BDSM spectrum, such as bondage or sadomasochism
Fetishes are differentiated by their demanding nature; when it’s a fetish and not a kink, the person in question isn’t going to be able to enjoy themselves without entertaining that specific desire…When someone has a fetish, it is something integral to that person’s sexuality, whereas a kink is an enjoyable indulgence—something delightful and delicious, but not absolutely necessary for their sexual fulfillment…all of the things we do that are within that predetermined “norm” lie on the vanilla side of the spectrum, where things that lie outside that box that we enjoy would be in the middle near the “kink” category, and finally, the things that we cannot sexually do without would be placed around “fetish.”
a fetish is a sexual fixation on a specific object or act that is absolutely necessary to a person’s sexual gratification. Often, it’s something that may not be inherently sexual…Kink … is a broader term that encompasses a bunch of alternative sexual interests, preferences or fantasies that go beyond your run-of-the-mill missionary sex. It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping.
All fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. What might be a kink for one person ― you get turned on by seeing your partner in leather chaps ― could be another person’s fetish.
Most fetishes develop from early life experiences and are patterns and behaviors that grow as the person develops sexually
If you like bdsm with some partners (and not necessarily sex), that is a kink. If you need bdsm to get off, that is a fetish.
Kink and fetish often overlap in bdsm practice.
Kinks and fetishes are like brick and mortar in BDSM lifestyle.
When a person is sexually aroused, sexual activities that he would normally consider disgusting can become interesting. Psychologists call this the Gross Out Theory
[in a study] women who watched the sexually arousing video rated the unpleasant tasks as less disgusting than did their counterparts who were not sexually aroused…“The findings indicate that both the impact of heightened sexual arousal on subjective disgust and also on disgust-induced avoidance will act in a way to facilitate the engagement in pleasurable sex,”… sexual arousal lowers inhibitions and often enables one to participate in activities that they might normally find disgusting or off-putting
Similarly, some bdsm practices that people would consider disgusting can become interesting when a person is sexually aroused.
Step One: What Do I Want?
My kink role is______________
(Dominant, submissive, top, bottom, switch, slave, Master, pet, owner, girl/boy, Mommy/Daddy, vanilla…)
My level of kink experience is _______________
For me, kink is ________________
(a fantasy, a hobby, a fetish, an orientation, a community, an experiment, a lifestyle…)
I want to play because ________________
(I’m curious, I’m horny, I want catharsis, I want new experiences, I want to please my partner, I just do…)
When I play, I want to feel ____________________
(turned on, scared, safe, powerful, humiliated, sensual, in control, out of control, pushed to my limit, cared for…)
Step Two: What Will We Do?
The one thing I would most like to experience today is __________________
Do I want to engage in dominance/submission, physical play, or both? ___________
Do I want to act out a certain role or scenario? ______________
Do I want to feel/inflict pain? ______________
Do I want to engage in bondage? ____________
Do I want to use toys?____________ If yes, which ones?______________
Do I want to have sexual contact? _____________ If yes, what kind?_______________
Is it okay if I get/give marks? ______________ If yes, where? ________________
Do I want to play in public, with selected people present, or in private? ____________
Step Three: What Will We Not Do?
My safeword is “RED” or __________ (If I cannot speak, my nonverbal safe signal is ___________)
If I use this word, it means play needs to stop RIGHT NOW. Whether I am a top or a bottom, I can use this word at any
time for any reason. I will never use this word as a joke or threat. I will never debate or criticize my partner’s use of this
My caution word is “YELLOW” or _____________
If I use this word, it means I am getting close to my limit, or I am having a problem. Play needs to pause RIGHT NOW until
we both understand and have addressed the problem.
My relevant health concerns are ______________
(STI/STDs, mobility/flexibility limitations, seizure disorder, pregnancy, clotting disorder, prosthetics/implants…)
If I have PTSD/panic attack/phobia/other psychological triggers, they are______________
(certain words, being called certain names, being touched in a certain way, being unable to move…)
If we have sexual contact, we will avoid STI transmission and/or pregnancy by _______________
Is there anything else my partner should know about me, my needs or my desires?____________
Too much light can be blinding…
Are you novice to the now prevalent shades of grey? There are many, who in these past few years, have started relating to BDSM. Many are simply bored by the monotonicity of the vanilla lifestyle and seek to embark their journey into the uncharted (for self) territory.
Kinks and fetishes are like brick and mortar, in BDSM lifestyle.
BDSM community is always changing and is a very dynamic community. It is not just the sexual aspect but one knows ’bout self, and there is pain and beauty in the revelation. Though, if you look at fetishes of people, you can only just wonder at its immense depth and variety. In here, we majorly would be concentrating on kinks and fetishes, and not the whole BDSM scenario. But, do you know what is the difference between the two?
Fellow kinksters and fetishists, lets first see…
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