In BDSM, pain can become a pleasure.
We call this “erotic pain”
If a submissive is drawn toward it,
the erotic pain that is involved in D/s serves to shut down her actively thinking mind so she is free to feel and respond spontaneously and that is where much of the freedom in submission can be found…
When you are in pain….your focus, your awareness…becomes focused on sensation. I have a very busy mind….always ruminating over one thing or another… The pain allows me to focus on sensation and really release myself from the world. This is only one aspect…but an important one. The pain stimulus does wonders too. My physical reactions… arousal, is spurred immediately by the slap of a paddle or the pinch of a clamp.
Feeling that she is being controlled by you is essential in enabling her to “stay” with the sensations she will be receiving, to absorb it without mentally “running away”.
During the spanking you are emphasizing that you are in control and she is accepting it. In fact, the harder the spanking is, the more your both feel your roles.
As she is laying across your lap enjoying the light spanks and feeling of being submissive, what she is probably wanting at this point is for you to start spanking harder! As her bottom gets warmed up, the more used to the sensation she becomes. It now loses its initial intensity which increases the desire to feel something a bit stronger.
If you reach one hand underneath her and place a finger on each side of her clit, you can continue to spank her and simultaneously give her more direct sexual pleasure. The more aroused she becomes, the more her perception of the sting will change and become transformed into that delicious combination of pleasure/pain that we love so much.
You could start with simply caressing her bottom with your hand, stroking it softly to sensitize the area, allowing her to relax and place her attention there. This helps her let go of her thoughts and settle into her body and all the wonderful sensations that it can give her.
The caressing alone should be arousing, but the position of being naked and over your lap also puts her in a submissive state of mind. Feeling that she is being controlled by you is essential in enabling her to “stay” with the sensations she will be receiving, to absorb it without mentally “running away”.
How can pain be erotic? From my experience and talking to others, it helps if you’re in an erotic encounter with your partner with the goal that you’ll climax into sexual bliss. The guy is turned on by her butt outlined in sexy lingerie. He has to touch it. Touching leads to grabbing, grabbing leads to slaps, slaps lead to spanks. She senses his intentions and what he wants. His dominance means he wants her. She wants to be taken by him. The painful stimulus of the slapping and spanking suggests her body produce its natural lubricant before the ultimate consummation.
BDSM is often linked with sex. There are occasions when sex won’t happen in a session but somehow erotic pain still works. How is that? Like smelling good food as you pass a restaurant even when you’re not hungry, the suggestion of erotic possibility may be sufficient to convert pain into erotic pain.
Many guys get off after a session with a dominatrix even when the rules prevent sex. Women are more subtle. They need to accept the one guy who they want to make hers. If she’s with her guy, little gestures can turn ordinary stimuli into erotic ones.
How her mind couldn’t accept the pain, but she became aroused from a spanking in https://bit.ly/2RjiWJD
I am on a path of self-discovery and I am evolving. That is not an easy thing to do. I am more than 40 years old so it is time, but I don’t like it.
I have lived a life trying to fulfill the expectations and desires of everybody else, never really questioning it. Emotions, breaking the protocol, going outside the norm, all those things were forbidden. Not because we lived in a sect or anything like that, but simply because that was the way we were supposed to do things.
In addition to that, several traumas in my teenage years taught me that emotions, feelings and all that crap was to be avoided at all cost. Present the calm, sensible, normal face to the world.
Luckily a lot of people have written books about this topic, so I don’t need to.
But I am looking for a book about…
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