148. Dom/sub Therapy Session

Can one “think submissively”…or is submission part of a relationship?

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

148My last post talked about my little spiral towards a self-pity party.  The trigger for this self-absorbed unhappiness was the challenges I was having in maintaining a submissive mindset.   Those frustrations with myself leached into frustrations towards others (such as Mike and Kayla).   This led me to my discussion with Mike that I shared in that last post.  

Before I get into how that discussion went, I want to give kudos to my man!  Mike is such a great listener and the perfect Dom for this submissive!  Kisses!!

THE DISCUSSION
After venting, I said I think I should give up trying to shape my thoughts to be more submissive.  I felt I just am not cut out to think that way and it is too hard to undo a lifetime of reinforced behaviors that were far from submissive.  I’ve conquered being submissive in my actions, and it…

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when your D/s relationship goes stale – what can you do to rekindle it?

sheDoesHim

Are all #bdsm relationships doomed to eventually fail?

There are plenty of accounts about the excitement (“new relationship energy” or NRE) about hooking up with the right partner, but few like to talk about the relationships that wither.

 

pandaLove

 

couples sometimes drift into “panda love” where they are happy with one another but hardly have any desire for each other.

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In a D/s relationship, the problem is more intense. People get really deep into a kinky scene one night and want to forget everything the next morning.

cpl2

 wrote  what makes a healthy D/s relationship work. Here are some of the highlights of how to maintain a solid D/s relationship(3 C’s):

Commitment: why are you draw to your partner and do you want to grow it together? “desire to participate in the relationship should always be intact”.

Communication: do you articulate your wants and needs? Are you willing to negotiate & compromise your wants? Minax claims your needs are less negotiable. I’ve asked her to clarify that point. (I’ll update this post if she answers).

Compassion:  for the other person’s position…if you are the dominant it does not mean that the submissive has no right to their feelings and emotions

She also includes some interesting tips. A few of them are:

  • The Dominant is in service to the relationship as much as the submissive is in service to the Dominant
  • the submissive will probably defer by and large more often than the Dominant
  • If communication is not working and play is not happening, agree to not play with others until it is resolved.
  • Remind each other of your desire to continue to be together. This can be done through ritual, play, ceremony, and discussion

Younger members (such as The Next Generation or TNG) dismiss the old guard’s concepts of rituals that are integral to the relationship as if they are frivolous and unnecessary. If the rituals are “irrelevant”, create ones that become symbolic of your relationship and practice them regularly. If they eventually become stale, create variations or new ones. While many prodommes have highly codified rules and rituals as I’ve posted previously,

 

 

those in the #lifestyle can choose almost any rituals that symbolize their special commitment.

 

 

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Different Partner, Different Dominance

How one’s expression of dominance varies with the personality of the sub they are with

Smiling Through the Evil

30 Days of Dominance

Day 16 – Have you found that your Dominance has changed with different partners or relationships? If you’re involved with, or have been involved with, partners of both sexes, has your Dominance changed based on gender or do you feel that it is dependent on the submissive as an individual?

There have only been two – my husband and B – and, yes, my Dominance was different with each, as it would be with anyone I took on.

I feel the best way to have control and gain power is to work with what you’re given in order to get what you want, not by forcing someone into a box because you really like how it looks. This works for me because I feed off emotions, not actions. I can’t tell you how I would dominate you until I know what you like, what you hate…

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Completely unrelated non-travel post

If everyone in your extended family is straight & mono but you’re poly & question your gender id…are you queer?

Eikarons Welt

Here’s the thing: I have always had this notion that almost every extended family above a certain size will inevitably have at least one queer person by simple matter of statistics.

My family is actually kinda large-ish: I have two siblings with partners, two aunts, an uncle and two cousins, one also partnered, on my father’s side. None of them is out as any kind of queer. I have also met/know about my father’s cousins and their respective partners and children, i.e. my second cousins. To the best of my knowledge they are all cis, straight and monogamous too although there is obviously more uncertainty there because I hardly know them.

On my mother’s side I have two aunts, two uncles and 4 cousins, each with one opposite gender partner and two children. Also no queer person to my knowledge. although the kids range in age from 15 to 5…

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Why many victims don’t report rape & why Cosby might not get any jail time

I generally advocate the consenting adult type of sex, but there are much more non-consenting situations where perpetrators get away with the abuse to both women & men. If we want to support consenting sex between adults (including #SW), we have to also support the non-consenting victims, especially if they are afraid to come forward and report the incidents. We don’t want to allow politicians to conflate both consensual & non-consensual sex into the label of “trafficking” and criminalize both. Check out Ms. Thompson’s post on the subject below.

 

Regardless of where you stand on the Cosby mistrial, you have no doubt, heard about it. It’s unavoidable right now. And that’s okay. This is a necessary conversation whether you are a survivor or not. Criminal Trial vs. Civil Trial The Bill Cosby trial was a criminal trial. Many of his supporters don’t believe these…

via This is the Reason I Started #WhySurvivorsDontReport and Why it Matters Now — Rachel Thompson

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A piece of erotic fiction I wrote.

it is often necessary to take a break from office work…and get down with a guy!

Anonymous Babygirl

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You’re sitting at your desk…doing your work diligently and I walk over to you with a sexy smirk. I look down at your crotch and lick my lips while I unbutton my blouse. You look at up at me and see the heat flickering in my gaze and you know exactly what I want.

So you roll back in your chair and I kneel down and position myself between your legs underneath the desk. I am so wet and turned on, my womb aching. I kiss your hardness through your slacks, feel your lovely erection getting longer for me. I rub you while I look up at you with my pretty bright eyes, my cute face.

I slowly unbuckle you and pull down your zipper. Your cock is so hard in your boxers and I kiss you softly through them. I can smell your scent, delicious and intoxicating. I want…

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Has #femdom become a cliche?

femdom-couple-cc1

Are those in the #lifestyle simply playing a game?

#bdsm cliches too often end up being the Swiss Army knife of fixes. He suggests such cliches as:

  • trust cliche.
  • communication cliche.
  • consent cliche.
  • safety cliche.
  • limits cliche.
  • generic BDSM-oriented cliche.

You could add a few to the list.

There are many typical domme types. The first (and foremost) is the “Cruel Mistress”:

MistressAlexVicia-cropped

There’s more listed here:

Super Dominatrix

School Marm, Nurse or Nanny/Governess

Gauzy Hippie Goth Chick

Professional

 

we could add more. There’s also stereotypical role-playing that has become a #femdom cliche:

From Many women aspire to dominate their men 10 #FemdomRoles we have:

1. Student and Teacher

2. Boss and Underling

3. Cop and Robber

4. Animal Play

And here are some typical play activities you will find within these roles:

1. Foot Worship

2. Cock and Ball Bondage

3. Sissy Play

4. Impact Play

5. Bondage

6. Teasing

There are cliche roles for submissives such as:

Slave, Pet, Little, Sissymaid, Brat, etc.

You could probably expand on this list. But the presence of “cliches” doesn’t mean that #bdsm and particularly #femdom are simply a game of kink.

littleThings-cropped

For many, the #lifestyle is the little things you do with your partner

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