Are all #bdsm relationships doomed to eventually fail?
There are plenty of accounts about the excitement (“new relationship energy” or NRE) about hooking up with the right partner, but few like to talk about the relationships that wither.
couples sometimes drift into “panda love” where they are happy with one another but hardly have any desire for each other.
In a D/s relationship, the problem is more intense. People get really deep into a kinky scene one night and want to forget everything the next morning.
eveminax wrote what makes a healthy D/s relationship work. Here are some of the highlights of how to maintain a solid D/s relationship(3 C’s):
Commitment: why are you draw to your partner and do you want to grow it together? “desire to participate in the relationship should always be intact”.
Communication: do you articulate your wants and needs? Are you willing to negotiate & compromise your wants? Minax claims your needs are less negotiable. I’ve asked her to clarify that point. (I’ll update this post if she answers).
Compassion: for the other person’s position…if you are the dominant it does not mean that the submissive has no right to their feelings and emotions
She also includes some interesting tips. A few of them are:
- The Dominant is in service to the relationship as much as the submissive is in service to the Dominant
- the submissive will probably defer by and large more often than the Dominant
- If communication is not working and play is not happening, agree to not play with others until it is resolved.
- Remind each other of your desire to continue to be together. This can be done through ritual, play, ceremony, and discussion
Younger members (such as The Next Generation or TNG) dismiss the old guard’s concepts of rituals that are integral to the relationship as if they are frivolous and unnecessary. If the rituals are “irrelevant”, create ones that become symbolic of your relationship and practice them regularly. If they eventually become stale, create variations or new ones. While many prodommes have highly codified rules and rituals as I’ve posted previously,
those in the #lifestyle can choose almost any rituals that symbolize their special commitment.