D/s burnout, postscript: An aside about gender

why do submissive guys bail on femdom relationships more often than women…some thoughts

real life femdom couple Archives | Femdom Training | Femdom Hypnosis

A submissive man lives for you, his opinion no longer counts, or at least counts significantly less. His deepest fantasies will be about being dominated by a woman. I can assure you the mental pleasure a submissive man receives is different from a man that isn’t submissive. To him, it is about cerebral gratification which leads to sexual arousal.


The most difficult part of any relationship is genuine intimacy. In vanilla relationships, the lack of real intimacy almost inevitably leads misery. In Domme/submale relationships the problem is orders of magnitude greater, because the objectification is a hugely effective way of avoiding true intimacy. It is all role-playing. Hopefully, it’s enjoyable to both parties, but it masks the self.


Slut, Ph.D.

You will note as you read the previous two posts that I have recorded people’s gender and d/s roles in their comments. That’s because years of sociological study of the scene have taught me that gender and BDSM roles overlap in some very complicated ways. As a mostly-dom woman who has mostly been in d/s relationships with people who were raised as men, I expected to see tales of d/s burnout coming disproportionately from cis men subs. I don’t have a large enough sample to back that up (and there are so few of them anyway that I would need a rather enormous sample to try to accumulate that). But the gendered dynamics of BDSM roles definitely seemed be working against cis men subs here in some pretty severe ways that would make them more likely to burn out.

(1) They’re working against their socially gendered roles in a serious…

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About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
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