The Femdom Wedding Vow

Many millennial men and women believe marriage is an archaic type of relationship, especially with the ease of hooking up from dating sites, FWB’s, etc.

Couples in a femdom relationship have particular desires and needs that are atypical of traditional romantic ones

People in Femdom relationships don’t take them for granted. They want a more definitive statement of intentions from each of the partners. Although Femdom rituals were developed from the “leathermen” ones, they are evolving toward something different. One major difference is the obsolescence of the “master-slave” ideology that is symbolized by the collaring ceremony.

In traditional BDSM, the collaring ceremony replaces the wedding one:

A collaring ceremony can be a symbolic gathering between two or more people and a group of friends to honor a commitment. It’s often compared to a wedding in that it involves a kind of jewelry and vows, except instead of a ring placed on the bride and groom’s finger, it’s a collar placed around the submissive’s neck.

Here are sample vows:

In “Our Wedding And Collaring Vows”

I, Vile [the dominant] , take you Arianna , to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness an in health, from this day forward. You are mine. You have taken residence in my heart, the key has been lost. You will stay there forever.

I, Arianna [the submissive] , promise to be your partner for life. I promise above all else to live in truth with you and to communicate fully and fearlessly. I give to you my submission, my obedience and my heart. May it be a sanctuary of warmth and peace. I pledge my love, devotion, faith an honor as I join my life to yours.

(Vile ): Arianna , with this ring I thee we’d and accept responsibility for you for as long as we both shall live.

(Arianna): master, with this ring, I pledge myself to thee, with all the affections of my heart, forsaking all others, cleaving only to you for as long as we both shall live.

In many BDSM ceremonies, the ring is replaced by the collar. The dominant locks the collar on the submissive. In some ceremonies, the submissive presents the key to the dominant.

In Commitment BDSM style: My vanilla, polyamorous, collaring ceremony :

Dominant: Today we are here to formalize our commitment to each other, but in doing so we must acknowledge its place amongst the other commitments of our lives. I am asking you to commit yourself to me and make me one of the highest priorities in your life

In Our Collaring Ceremony

Walter  collars Camryn:

Walter: “Camryn, it is my intent to offer you my collar as a sign of your submission to me. Are you willing to accept my collar?”

Camryn: “It would be my greatest joy, Master… yes!”

Walter:

with the placing of this collar around your neck and your acceptance of it, I vow to do everything I can to be worthy of you. I promise to hold you and keep you safe, to stretch you and give you flight, to respect the needs of our relationship above all others, to love you, honor you, support you in all things and be sensitive to your needs and desires . I acknowledge the trust you have placed in me and the responsibility that goes with my acceptance of that trust. I will never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. I acknowledge and accept with all my heart the gift of submission you have made to me. This collar will be a symbol of that which we already know: that you are mine, and by wearing it you will always be safe to be everything that you are. Do you accept this collar in the spirit by which it is given you?

Camryn:

Master, of my own free will, with clarity of mind, heart and conscience, I surrender my life to you, submitting to your will in all things.” I had difficulty holding back tears of happiness as I spoke from the depth of my heart. “I accept your collar as the outward and visible sign of my deepest joy: that I am yours. I gladly accept your authority and trust you to guide me on the right path. I vow to honor you with my every thought, word and action. I promise to stay with you, support you and fulfill your needs and desires as you allow. You are the center of my universe, the light of my life and the love of my heart. I give you my love, my heart and myself, now and always.

In Female Led Collar & Binding Ceremony

Domme

With the placing of this collar around your neck and your acceptance thereof, I vow to do everything I can to be worthy of you. I promise to hold you and keep you safe, to stretch you and give you flight, to respect the needs of our relationship above all others, to love you, honour you, support you in all things and be sensitive to your needs and desires all underpinned by the respect that I have for you and the deep and joyful knowledge that with you two halves are made whole.

I acknowledge the trust you have placed in me and the responsibility that goes with my acceptance of that trust.

I will never violate or even threaten to violate that trust.

I will endeavour to be open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow. In times of trouble, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring people.

We will continue to love and enjoy all our children. Our home will always be haven for them and they will each know that they are not only accepted just as they are, but also adored and enjoyed.

I acknowledge and accept with all my heart the gift of submission you have made to me. The collar itself is a symbol of that which we already know… that you are mine and by it’s wearing you are safe to be everything that you are.

Do you accept this symbol in the spirit by which it is given you?

submissive

Yes, and this answer is given after deep reflection, unpretentious, in the spirit of my submission to you.

The collar you offer me is a powerful reminder of the control I have surrendered to you.

I accept this collar as an outward expression of your ownership of me.

I do so freely, fully and without restriction.

I agree to honour our relationship above all others, and seek to fulfil your needs and desires as you allow.

I promise to support you and to be there for you always when you need me.

I promise to always communicate openly and honestly with you keeping nothing from you.

I will strive to be the best soul mate that I can be for you and will not in anyway dishonour you.

I will love you also in silence within my soul.

I will wear this collar with pride, knowing that you love me, cherish me, respect me and hold me above all others.

And in my turn I promise to love, honor, respect and obey you for the rest of eternity

There are many books that describe the traditional femdom marriage from the older leather perspective

Femdom marriage, like other bdsm relationships, is based on inequality. Couples unite not just for the usual marital reasons but also for the power play.

Kinkly defines Femdom Marriage this way:

A femdom marriage subverts the traditional marriage, where husbands usually dominate. It’s typically up to the female to make decisions about social interactions, household finances, division of household labor, and sexual activity. Orgasm control, the wearing of male chastity belts, and cuckold arrangements are common ways a dominant wife can show her dominance over sexual matters. As well as making decisions for the couple, a wife in a femdom marriage will typically make decisions for her husband about his dress, behavior, and responsibilities. She is also entitled to hand out punishments should her husband not meet her expectations.

A sample “traditional” femdom wedding vow:

Some people think the submissive male has a subservient role in the femdom wedding ceremony

A key element would be marriage vows that are structured to reflect the couple’s female-led lifestyle. He would certainly take a vow of obedience to his new bride, and she might promise the traditional have, hold, love, and cherish. .. I took a vow to love, honor, worship, and obey [her] when we married.

Some view a femdom marriage as that of the female leading her male pet

Some vows become part of a lifestyle contract:

Mistress, i freely and willingly affirm that i am Your slave, whose sole reason for existence is Your pleasure. i have no rights or privileges other than those granted to me by You. i swear to always honor You through my obedience and service. my body and mind are Yours to use in any way You choose.

“Mistress , i acknowledge that You are under no obligation to explain Your orders or to justify Your punishment and training, but i am under every obligation to obey You and accept Your punishment.

“my body, mind, and soul are from this day forth the private property of my Mistress, to be used as SHE sees fit. i promise to obey Her completely, to do whatever She tells me to do, to submit to any punishment SHE sees fit to impose on me.

 I desire a lifetime commitment. my obligation to the Mistress is to be whatever SHE wants me to be.

“i acknowledge i am a slave and i live to Worship and Obey You as my Mistress“

[my] sole reason for being is the pleasure of my Mistress. I have no rights, no privileges, and am worthy of no considerations. My Mistress’s pleasure is my reason for being. My body and mind are Her property to do with whatever SHE chooses. I exist only to serve

Many younger people assert that the “collar” is merely another sex toy that they freely don before play. They prefer gentle femdom relationships to the the older bdsm ritualized ones.

Older femdom marriages were performed with kink overtones

Kinkly defines gentle femdom :

Couples who are into gentle-femdom (#gfd) , expect to see the woman in charge, but in ways that a male is stereotypically in charge and expected to behave. For example, she acts as the supportive partner during problems, or she’s the “giver” of cuddles instead of just the “receiver.” She’s very complimentary, and she’ll give out adorable pet names to her submissive partner. She’ll treat him with love and care, but she’ll also take charge during sexual encounters and push him around, softly, to where she wants him.

For many submissives in this type of dynamic, there are a few important aspects: the love, the control and the vulnerability. Many submissives relish the feeling of being able to be the submissive, vulnerable partner, the one who’s still loved and cherished despite not being the “alpha male” that society expects. Being able to let out their soft, gentle side and not worry about being judged or disliked is the main appeal of gentle FemDom.

The trend toward egalitarian marriage

Wedding vows in traditional marriages are trending toward egalitarian conditions such as:

I, Alex, choose you Sam to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what things I will discover. I will respect you as a person, a partner, and an equal. There is little to say that you haven’t already heard, and little to give that is not already freely given. Before you asked me, I was yours and I am devoted to you in every way. I marry you with no hesitation or doubt, and my commitment to you is absolute. Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife/partner?

I love you unconditionally and without hesitation. I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you, and respect you. As a family, we will create a home filled with learning, laughter, and compassion. I promise to work with you to foster and cherish a relationship of equality knowing that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. Today, I choose you to be my husband/wife/partner. I accept you as you are, and I offer myself in return. I will care for you, stand beside you, and share with you all of life’s adversities and all of its joys from this day forward, and all the days of my life.

In Elizabeth Davies: ‘Obey’ belongs in wedding vows :

It’s a common complaint among women these days, this idea that they be required to obey their husbands. I’ve heard the arguments: Women aren’t servants. They have equal footing in the marriage. They are intelligent, self-sufficient humans who are fully capable of making every decision a man does.

Indeed, every word of that is true. And not a single one conflicts with the idea of obedience.

It might be ironic, but women who believe in the obedience pledge say they’re pretty happy with it.

They recognize that it’s not something that changes their romantic relationship into one of a master and slave. They know that they shouldn’t — and wouldn’t — blindly obey their husbands down a destructive or abusive path.

Rather, they see obedience as an important part of that “love, honor and obey” trio. Obedience is the part that demonstrates love and honor. It’s what happens when you fully trust your partner.

Because that’s really the flip side of the obedience coin: There’s a hefty responsibility on the husband who is being obeyed. To hold up his end of the bargain, he needs to constantly make sure that he’s putting his wife’s needs and desires before his own.

That is, ultimately, what makes the obedience pledge work. A master doesn’t have the slave’s best interest at heart. He wouldn’t sacrifice his own desires for the sake of his slave.

But in an obedient relationship, that’s precisely what a husband does for his wife. He considers her first. He makes decisions with his family in mind. That doesn’t mean her opinion doesn’t count or that he doesn’t discuss options with her first. In fact, he probably tries to compromise on most decisions.

It’s at those times when someone has to budge, however, that an obedient wife will choose to be the one to do it. Because she said she would. Because he pledged to cherish her, and she has to trust that he’s keeping his promise.

In the end, the pledge of obedience blesses both the husband and the wife. It builds trust, maintains peace and develops intimacy.

If obedience is included in a vow, the dominant bears the responsibility to place the submissive’s needs and desires before his own.

A submissive male wants his partner to fulfill his needs. In return, he takes care of her.

This is why many in femdom partnerships want to articulate their particular relationship in a ceremony with vows: the submissive male wants his female partner to commit to placing his desires and needs above her own. In return he will do whatever he can to serve and please her as she likes.

A wedding vow in a femdom marriage should say more than what is typical in egalitarian ones. If couples reject traditional bdsm vows, what can they say to articulate their femdom direction?

Here is an example of a vow from the submissive male:

I come here tonight to tell you that I am yours. Nothing else I can tell you would explain my love and devotion to you more clearly. I am, and ever will be, your servant, mind body and soul. I have made it my mission this past year and a half to serve you, obey you and worship you to the best of my abilities. Sometimes I have succeeded and sometimes I have failed, but I have always sought to serve you as best I can. I now affirm to you tonight, before the eyes of gods and men, that this endeavor will be the focus of my life, that your happiness will be the gauge for my success or failure and that your will and desires will be my own. I ask you to be my friend, my lover, my Owner, my guardian, my protector, just as you have since the day I met you. And in return, I offer you a willing servant, a listening ear and a friend and companion whose love and devotion to you knows no bounds. I love you [Mistress], and my life and service are yours.

Traditional femdom marriage had the female dressed in fetish gear with the 7 mandates

Guidelines.

for the dominant: a promise to love, guide, keep the other safe and help them to be the best person they could be.

for the submissive: to promise to love, worship and “obey” the other.

From Officiating a Kinky Wedding Lady M recounted:

We gather here today to celebrate the joining of “Mistress” and “slave” in kinky matrimony. The love and sexual connection that these two share is something that should be cherished in today’s world, where “kinky” is no longer specific enough.The fact that a man who enjoys being dominated and feminized can find a woman who desires her very own she-male slut bride is a true blessing in this life.

It is a slave’s mission to show devotion to his mistress, and to serve her from head to toe. It is a slave’s mission to make his mistress feel beautiful from head to toe, and to service all of her needs at a moment’s notice no matter what the situation. In order to show his commitment and devotion, “slave” will now worship the feet of “Mistress” until she feels truly adored and satisfied.

A slave must give himself fully to his mistress. He must sacrifice himself for the sake of his mistress’s desires, no matter how painful or difficult that sacrifice must be. As a gift for his new mistress, “slave” will now present himself to “Mistress” for a full and thorough spanking.

The responsibilities in a D/s relationship do not lie with the submissive alone; the dominant must control the submissive in an appropriate way. A mistress must keep her slave, hold him as her own, and control him in a way that the slave ultimately needs. To show her willingness to control in this way, “Mistress” will now plug “slave’s” ass and take her control over him to a “deeper” level.

“slave” – Do you promise to give yourself to “Mistress”, to dress as her slutty she-male bride whenever she wants, to subject yourself to every filthy desire she may have, to serve her needs in any way she requires, for as long as you both shall live?

“Mistress” – Do you promise to take “Slave” as your personal love slave, to use him sexually in ways even he cannot imagine, to force him to wear slutty woman’s clothing whenever you wish, to show him the fullness of your control over him whenever he needs to feel it, for as long as you both shall live?

With the unofficial power invested in me, by nobody in particular, I now pronounce you “Mistress” and “Slave.”

…You may now milk the slut-bride.

From Femdom Weddings, Mistress Lisa writes:

A Femdom couple could include “obey” only in his vows. .. Maybe him on his knees through the vows and then kissing her shoes rather than her lips.

A male sub said: “I would be kneeling at the alter naked, save for my collar and chastity device, and at some point I would present the key to the chastity device to my Mistress/Wife and she would then put the key on a chain and wear it as a necklace. The vows would include me promising to obey her, to provide for Her satisfaction and pleasure at all times, and to recognize Her as the sole source of any pleasure She may allow me. In essence, the ceremony would revolve around the exchange of power between the Mistress/Wife and the slave, and will define the type of lifestyle to be lived.”

punishment such as spanking was considered part of traditional femdom marriage rituals

Objections to Femdom

Several people critiqued my draft on reddit :

I don’t know that a wedding is really an appropriate place for that, seeing as it traditionally involves your family and close friends, which seems an especially inappropriate group of people to involve in your kink life, but some kind of ceremony in a kink friendly place would be super romantic and sweet

I really hope this isn’t serious. You should not base your wedding vows on your fetishes.

The sub’s vows are pretty fucking good for a wedding. The dom’s vows need work.