Can a femdom marriage succeed?

Relationships often establish their dynamic as they begin

Many women contend that a femdom marriage cannot last very long, or it is just a male fantasy.

June is the month for transitions. People move, graduate, get married.
Mar, Sara & I have attended many same-sex wedding events of our friends. Soon we will be attending a “heterosexual” wedding event if all goes to plan.

I first met Ryan about a year ago. He stayed until closing and was a little bit drunk. He told me that he was interested in Michelle, one of our regulars.
I had dated Michelle before I met Mar. She preferred to be in control of the relationship. Not just assertive, but total control. Dates with her often ended like a session with a dominatrix in a dungeon. I warned Ryan about this quirk of dates with her. He said he was OK with that.
When Michelle came into the bar, I told her Ryan would like to meet her. I showed her his Fetlife profile . She seemed interested and suggested a time that she would return to the bar. I told Ryan to come by at that time to meet her.
When Ryan stopped in, I introduced him to Michelle. I’m not really a matchmaker; I just make introductions. Ryan and Michelle went to a table in the back, talked for a while and left.
The next evening Ryan got wasted at the bar. I asked him how it went.
“You don’t want to know about it,” he said, “just give me another drink”.
I told him I was about to close the bar.
“Man, I don’t know what to make of the woman you introduced me to last night,” he said.
“You mean Michelle?”
“Yeah, her. We went to her place. We had a few drinks and she started kissing me.”
“So?”
“She was all over me, pulling my shirt off and pushing my pants down,” he continued. “Then she said she wanted to tie my hands behind my back. I didn’t mind a little kink, so I went for it. She started slapping me hard and pushed me on the bed.”
“And?”
“We got ‘intimate’. What do you call it? Pogging?”
“Pegging.”
“Yeah, that’s it. I told her I wasn’t into that.”
“What happened next?”
“She kicked me out of her place.”
“Game over, then?”
“No. I hope not. I just wasn’t ready. What should I do?”
“You want to have another date?”
He did. I told him to text her immediately and tell her how he felt about it. Tell her something like he was caught by surprise but he’d really want to see her again.

I looked at his profile again and it suggested he was very much into femdom activities but no suggestion of pegging. He was looking for a “take-charge” partner who was aggressive about what she wants from a guy. Maybe Michelle thought this was an opening for her to have her way with him?

I talked with her a little later. It seemed Ryan was “ok” with pegging at first but then got a little uncomfortable when she started in on him. They had a discussion and he told her there was no way he could get his head around it as guys he hung out with thought it was a “gay thing”. She told him that would be a deal-breaker in future dates and that he should open up. He promised her he would.

Guys often have a lot of obstacles to accepting a femdom relationship because they’re afraid that they will lose their freedom and independence that they assume all guys like them enjoy.

But even guys in a “straight” relationship will have to forgo their freewheeling ways if they want the relationship to work.

Feminists will object but I believe many guys go deeper into the relationship because of the sexual rewards at first. They gradually begin to appreciate their partner for many other things she brings into the relationship.

Michelle told me that she would not hook up with a guy if he did not accept reverse sex (such as pegging) at least some of the time. A guy has to give in to activities that his partner wants if he intends to build the relationship.

Many elements of a femdom relationship are so different from what guys have been told to expect – and often not supported by their friends. It may take time for guys to process the different way of who will be leading. If a guy is determined to make the relationship work, he can overcome his ‘obstacles’.

Over the year, they’d meet in the bar and go out together. Recently they invited me to their reception.

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Many in the BDSM community do not want to socialize with “straight” people whom they contend are vanilla. Most in the BDSM community are male dominant, female submissive. And yet Ryan and Michelle’s relationship is the opposite.

There are women who are naturally dominant and, if they’re ambitious, they become leaders. An elementary schoolteacher is often dominant. Mary Poppins is dominant. Why do people think dominant women are annoying or, at worst, ‘abnormal’?

There are guys who prefer the submissive role in an intimate relationship. Some feminists declare this a selfish “topping from the bottom”. Yet these guys are happiest when they are serving their female partner. Is this also ‘abnormal’?

While it is true that most guys could not withstand more than a few dates with Michelle, Ryan seemed to have found his true love and is willing to tie the knot. Who are we ( especially those in the BDSM community ) to criticize their relationship ?

“Straight” relationships are usually (e.g. clinically) defined as “heterosexual”.

The wiki defines “heterosexual” as:
Heterosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between persons of the opposite sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, heterosexuality is “an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions” to persons of the opposite sex; it “also refers to a person’s sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions.

There is no reason that the BDSM community should exclude heterosexuals because they prefer different genders. What about Christian Grey of 50 Shades?

femdom relationships have a different power dynamic than “straignt” ones

Ultimately, there are no hard and fast rules in a relationship. The partners come into it with conditions that must be met and make agreements with other matters as they proceed.

While femdom marriages may seem daunting to some, they are in many ways no different to conventional ones. You and your partner will do many things that other couples do. You will benefit from the interpersonal growth and emotional sharing that many couples experience. Although the motivations for engaging in a femdom marriage are different from “straight” ones, the benefits are similar.

Guys need not worry that their lives will be completely different if they take the plunge. They might enjoy the experience even better than a vanilla one.