Many people obtain a glimpse into the world of BDSM by attending munches, events and parties. They often come out of these experiences feeling left out of the effect they were looking for. Often they blame practitioners for letting them down.
Part of the reason for this let down is that novices usually do not know what they want. Experienced people expect them to communicate specific requests before they initiate activities.
Understanding the meaning and differences between Position, Role, and Fetishes can help a person determine what they really want in a BDSM relationship before they waste the time of other practitioners . Here is an example of how subtle these differences can be:
a man who identifies as a “submissive” and wants a “Dominant” woman that dresses, acts, feels, and speaks in the way that he desires. In actuality, this man is fetishizing a woman who he would like to control into being what he wants her to be. So, this man who thinks he’s a “sub” is actually a Dominant fetishist. If he wants her to do things to him, such as “tease and denial”, he’s also a bottom. If he wants to do things to her, such as body worship, he’s also a top. This relates to what we call “topping from the bottom“, a misnomer that really refers to “Dominating from the submissive role”.
“Many men seem to find the idea of being controlled by a woman to be sexually arousing, but the actuality of it is not what they are really looking for. ” – influenced by media (e.g. porn) – clarification of femdom, fetish, etc. http://bit.ly/2NWAwC6
I believe one of the most pervasive misunderstandings in kink is the difference between top and bottom, Dominant and submissive, and fetishism. In My experience, this confusion is not limited to people who are new to the culture, but people who have been involved in it for many years and don’t quite seem to know what they are and which apply to them. Because I think it is a fundamental aspect to concise negotiations and overall better experiences, allow Me to explain.
The first thing that is helpful to think about is that our experiences are multi-dimensional. Whether that experience is kinky or not, there is never just one thing going on at a time. Even if you’re just sitting there, breathing, your body is completing a multitude of tasks at once: your heart is beating, your body temperature is being regulated, and your immune system is on alert. Likewise…
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