BDSM Bondage

Bondage can do more than simply restraining someone…it can create a mood of power exchange, an emotion of submission

Many people think bondage is used only to restrain a guy for impact play. For some, there’s an experience from bondage alone.

This post is not the usual ‘introduction to bondage’ or the ‘safety aspects of bondage’, etc. There are many guides that are written for specific types of bondage. Bondage is best used knowledgeably and carefully.

There is very little psychological research on bondage specifically. Most BDSM related social science is derived from general surveys often from advocates. The research usually does not get into the details of the bdsm experience, or the activities of its practitioners. If we want to understand the psychology of bondage, we have to explore the range of bondage effects and then find examples of each. For the ranges of bondages effects, check out: Psychology of Bondage: Why do people do it? by ‘Reba’ .

Bondage has these effects:

Redress physical power

Bondage alters the balance of power. A stronger partner can be rendered helpless, which in itself can be an unusual and charged experience. With bondage, a naturally active individual is forced to be passive. Bondage might include hoods, bondage gloves, sleep bags, etc. to enhance sensory deprivation which can open up new horizons of tactile, emotional, sensual and imaginative possibilities. 

In femdom, bondage is often essential to constrain a male from overpowering the female dominant even in “soft” bdsm play. Guys have a natural reaction of either fight or flight when they feel they are threatened. The bondage holds them from reacting normally and gives them an opportunity to let their aggressive reactions go and begin to trust their partner.

Expiate guilt

Bondage can be used to expiate the feeling of guilt from doing forbidden activities by providing the convenient excuse of being tied up and thus ‘unable’ to resist. Bondage in BDSM is usually consensual but a person who is in bondage may feel that social restraints are removed. The person administering the bondage (usually the dominant) may feel empowered to “force” his submissive to do things she might not ordinarily do. This creates the condition of “Freedom through bondage”!

Provide Security

Bondage creates a feeling of security and is comforting especially for women.

Have Erotic effects

Breast and genital bondage increase sensitivity to pleasure and pain by pulling the skin tight. The bondage can be used to present the target of your attention prominently and conveniently.

Promote Meditation & relaxation

When a guy is bound, his attention is often limited to the experience. This can at first cause tension but over time he gets over his usual reactions and finds the experience can be very meditative, an experience that can be deepened if the sub and Dom take time to connect by quietly embracing, relaxing and synchronizing their breathing. Meditation techniques can be used with bdsm mantras. A successful bdsm scene will often engender a close connection between the Dominant and submissive.

Promote Submission

Bondage and submission are complimentary. Bondage is used by a dominant to focus their partner’s attention to their submission. When the Dominant binds the submissive and makes them helpless, an excitement is often added to the play.

In Bondage & Discipline (F/m Psychology) –

There is also much to be said for the feeling of helplessness that being bound arouses. It is an expression of submission, “not only am I willing to offer no resistance, I couldn’t if I wanted to”. ..This confinement also frees the male of any responsibility and with it the guilt caused by the desire to live in this manner of relationship. It is not enslavement, it is liberation. 

 

Bondage can be used as a tool of control.  

The dominant can often control the submissive’s behavior while he is in bondage. A dominant will use bondage to their submissive to force them to be their slave and serve them during the period of the scene.

Support Fetishism & role-playing

The kind of restraint chosen can be used to satisfy a person’s need for fetish. Items such as steel handcuffs, leather restraints, ropes, jock-straps, body bags, straight-jackets or chastity devices can trigger a fetish sensation.

be a prelude to or a facilitator of SM play

Bondage can be used to inflict discomfort, both physically and mentally in uncomfortable or humiliating positions. A submissive is bound in a way that will eventually induce muscle fatigue. The submissive could be bound and exposed to the public. A dominant can place his submissive in predicament bondage forcing him to feel pain when he tries to relax his bindings.

can be a challenge to escape

Many aficionados find the struggle against their restraints highly erotic. They set their activity into getting out of heavy bondage.

Bondage in femdom examples.

A dominatrix will use bondage as a way to encourage her client or partner to get into a submissive mindset.

The dominant waits for her submissive to show his arousal while he is in bondage

In femdom, bondage can be used to enhance arousal from fear.

A guy will begin to feel submissive when bondage is applied to him

In other instances, the dominant applies bondage to reinforce her partner’s submission.

When a guy is bound, he becomes less distracted by the things he has to do each day and is able to concentrate on his submission to his dominant

Bondage can be a way to force a guy into the submissive position

Bondage is used by a dominatrix to get her partner to focus on his submission to her.

Bondage is the most common element in BDSM sessions. For some people, it is the only thing they want from a session from a dominant.

When I worked for a dominatrix, many of her clients came for sessions of bondage. The dominatrix had a profile of the type of bondage they preferred, including the kind of restraints, dungeon furniture used, etc. Often when she had overlapping bookings she would delegate the task of applying the client’s preferred bondage to me. It was important to keep them waiting in bondage, especially if she was administering punishment to another client. This was almost enough for the guys to ejaculate. She’d eventually attend to them and either humiliate them (such as emasculating them by belittling their ‘manhood’ as not big enough) or “threaten” them in some way (such as a beating if they did not have an orgasm). In a few instances, she’d assist with physically edging them. Her success rate was pretty good at having them ejaculate on the floor or on her boots. Bondage was a way to make them feel helpless and fearful. This mix of emotions made them aroused. They experienced catharsis from ejaculation.

Bondage in Play parties. Guys can attend play parties where they can be bound and edged. For example, the NY Bondage Club holds weekly parties at Paddles where guys are bound and often edged to climax. The person administering the bondage may also edge him (by usually stimulating the head of his cock).

Heavy Bondage. Bondage can be described from soft to heavy. Soft bondage is frequently used in light bdsm sessions, or for bdsm activity that does not require much restraint. For example, a previous post about sensual femdom illustrates how a guy is restrained on the bed as his dominant edges him. The bondage is probably not necessary except that it often contributes to the guy’s arousal. Heavy bondage is favored by guys who want to feel that they cannot escape from the restraint by themselves. It requires a partner with whom they trust will put them in bondage and get them out safely.

Many dominants are skilled at various types of bondage. For me, women have a more ‘delicate’ touch and can impart emotional experiences to the session.

Here are accounts of two dominatrices and one heavy-bondage enthusiast:

To learn about bondage – a resource of video clips can be helpful. I recommend aliceinbondageland.com  

as a starting point. Find a clip that you’re interested in and check out a large list of links for other femdom sites. If you follow Alice on Twitter (@BondageLand @BondageLand) , you might learn of munches that she attends in the SF Bay Area. This is an easy and safe way to meet her.

Alice in BondageLand delights in applying bondage to guys

aliceinbondageland. Her web site is similarly named:

http://aliceinbondageland.com

In the site she describes chronicles of my real-world kinky life.: producing videos of kink scenes.
 I crave something more than formulaic videos… I craved sexual chemistry, the connection between partners and AUTHENTICITY.
Join us on our bondage adventures, in private and in public, shared with the camera with a special kind of enthusiasm… the kind that comes from true passion and a genuine exhibitionist dominant woman at the helm.

[from] female led relationships, real couples, lifestyle submissives, and full-time dominant women. We make these movies because we are driven to share a positive, femdom view of bondage, dominance, sadomasochism and our many fetishes

Elise Graves enjoys both giving and receiving bondage

Elise Graves is another proponent of bondage. She developed “bondage therapy” through experience in bondage sessions. Elise wants to change how people perceive bondage. She wants to demonstrate how sexy agents for change can be. Elise’s desire is to show both BDSM-curious and seasoned practitioners how sexy it is to trust, to be a witness to a person’s suffering, to be vulnerable, and how exciting it can be to engage in exploration in one’s life. Bondage has the unique ability to offer these experiences

Elise Graves wrote about Bondage Therapy:

Conscious bondage play creates the conditions which allow a person to surrender, to trust, and to make themselves vulnerable to another human being. In using the body’s vulnerable position … it encourages the mind to follow. This leads to a vulnerability, or openness, of the mind. The person is in a highly receptive state. Subtly and powerfully, a person in that meditative state begins to allow repressed thoughts and feelings float up to the surface. .. it is transformative

Elise noticed that engaging in bondage activity within a trusted environment lead to the development of a pervasive “calm confidence” – a reduction in anxiety and depression, increased interest in personal exploration and development, and a greater understanding of the self… to “let go,” and to experience loving energy while in a highly receptive state.  This experience of being vulnerable while receiving loving energy and practicing the art of “letting go” is the special mixture that is Bondage Therapy.
 

Elise Graves demonstrates Bondage Therapy to patelgo

In paltego Bondage Therapy in Seattle :

[the BDSM session was]  A lovely mix of whipping, electrical play and bondage was the result. 

Elise’s smile in this image is very indicative of the way she plays. There was a lot of happy positive energy in our scene today. This image is from her Bondage Liberate site.

Heavy Bondage. Some guys want to be restrained beyond their capability to get out of it. They usually prefer heavy chains and large locks, stockades, and fetters that will render them immobile.

JimmyUSMC is an advocate of Heavy Bondage. He wrote of his experience in Recon:

Heavy bondage is my passion; I simply can’t get enough of it. I tend to describe it as an insatiable thirst of mine, one in which I am on a perpetual journey to quench. I’ve always been geared this way, and as I grow older the severity of the bondage/ kink play I enjoy only seems to expand…. I’ve always been the kind of person to see how far I can push myself, test my limits. With bondage, it’s no different. Exploring and experimenting, trying to find the hardest, most inescapable, secure, and helpless scenarios humanly possible. ..

I absolutely crave true, unrelenting helplessness…

if I could spend the majority, or at least a substantial portion of each day in bondage I would. … Bondage is what keeps me centered, it’s where I feel most at home. ..For myself and many others, bondage can be extremely therapeutic. With the right combination of leather and steel restraints, a hefty gag and secure blindfold, I will float away into sub-space land before the last padlock is clicked shut. It’s the best high I’ve ever come to know and love, and I’m truly addicted. I couldn’t live without it. It’s as much a part of me as oxygen is to a fire. It’s the fuel that brings life into my veins. ..Never did I think bondage could make me feel so free. This is me. My authentic, unapologetic, kinky self. I’m a heavy bondage freak and I always will be. …I have no idea where this bondage world will take me. I hope it holds me tight and never lets me go.

To conclude.

Bondage can be a way to get a taste of the BDSM experience. You do not need to engage in pain for your first few sessions…or ever. You might find bondage sufficient to get you into the bdsm mindset.