…..
Besides money, sex is one of the biggest reasons for disagreement between men and women. Usually, it’s not the sex itself, it’s the timing and approach. Some women need the male to make the first move and become aroused as he is. Some women at best accommodate the male’s advances and let him have his way. Some women want to control many if not all the male’s sexual drive.
Most people associate a dominatrix as a sadist who delivers pain to others. But many dommes have told me that their greatest concern is about how their partner have sex with them. They use femdom to control the sex they have with their submissive. Many rely on a technique that is called “sensual femdom”.
Sensual domination is defined by Kinkly as:
[a] soft or mild dominance. Many of the tools of a sensual dominant are familiar to those used by vanilla couples dabbling in BDSM, such as blindfolds, oils, ropes, ice cubes, and feathers. …
The submissive partner is treated with reverence and praised rather than put down or humiliated. While mild pain may be involved in sensual dominance, it is never the focus of these kinds of scenes. Any pain administered is meant to complement the pleasure and never intended to push the submissive’s limits.
[sensual dominance requires] a greater understanding of a submissive’s turn-ons and state of mind.
Sensual femdom is basically about the domme determining how her male sub will perform sexually for her. Typically, the domme applies sensory deprivation in the form of a blindfold, light bondage (such as tying his hands and feet to the four corners of a bed), edging him, building his arousal and then riding him cowgirl style. She may combine light pain such as nipple pinching, face slapping, whipping his cock to sustain his arousal. She doesn’t release him until she is satisfied. Although she may perform oral on him, she might prevent him from having his orgasm. She might also peg him. She may or may not let him have sexual release.
Some “feminist” critics assert that sensual femdom is little more than catering to the male fantasies, by “escorts with a whip”. Advocates of sensual femdom say that it is a core femdom practice that differs from basic sex work by the control that the domme has over the scene with her sub.
If a sub guy responds well to sensual femdom, the domme may regard him as her “boy toy” and privately call him her “slut” or “whore”. Boy toys usually enjoy a higher status in femdom and are prized possessions of dominants.
In Mistress Kay’s 3 Scenes for a Beginner Femdom to Try
Here are some examples of sensual femdom:
Scene 1: Domination With Just Sensual Touch –
Tell him that you’re just going to take control of him for a bit. Tell him that, if he’s good, you’ll let him have his way with you after you’re done, …
you’re going to tease and sensually pleasure him …
You can …run a feather over his body….trail your fingers and fingernails down sensitive areas…. massage his body…gently tickle his most sensitive areas until you reach his genitals and still force him to stay still while you touch him or give him oral sex. …
[with] a small paddle or riding crop, and give him a small swat on the thighs or butt every time he moves
Scene 2: In Charge of Oral –
pleasuring your partner and teaching him that his orgasm is yours to control. ..
Once you have your partner where you want him, it’s time to show him exactly how “in control” you are. It’s up to you how you want to play this. You can give him the best oral sex of his life …
use edging to take this to the next level…tell him that you expect for him to tell you when he’s getting close to orgasm – or you’ll make sure he doesn’t get to come at all if he disobeys…
you’ll get to enjoy “torturing” him with this pleasure until you decide he’s allowed to orgasm.
Scene 3: He’s Your Sex Toy –
at a time when you’re aroused and you’re looking for some playtime with your partner…
you’re going to make it known that you’re turned on …
as long as you’re dominant …
Once you have your partner set up how you want him, feel free to enjoy the type of intercourse or sensation that you’d like.
if.. you’d like to be more of a tease, don’t forget that you can remove his blindfold. He’ll be “forced” to watch your pleasure and orgasm – with no way to possibly touch you or do anything besides enjoy watching you. If you truly think he’d enjoy being a “sex toy” for you, don’t let him orgasm. …if you’d rather enjoy his orgasm, feel free to let him come.
In Mistress Kye‘s blog she writes in First Session w/ my sub, J. :
I restrained him on his back with all limbs cuffed and bound to the 4 corners of the bed … he was about to enter a world of submersion into sensation. I plugged his ears, covered his eyes, ball gagged him, restrained him and left him there like that for 30 minutes to swim in anticipation. ..
I finally approached his body, he could feel me … a dildo and a magic wand short-circuited [him]… He agreed to trust that I indeed knew what was best, knew the best timeline for his journey and growth, and that he’d stop allowing his pecker to lead…..that was now My job.
Learn more about Mistress Kye here .
dave94015 
Brilliant post and completely agree with your citations, all very knowledgeable people on the subject.