Can you have a polyamorous triad with bdsm hierarchy?

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Can you have a polyamorous triad that also practices bdsm?

Polyamory generally refers to equality between the participants. However, there are many poly families that have a BDSM hierarchy. How is that?

In My Poly Looks Like A Triad

 my poly looks like a triad.  I generally feel pretty fulfilled in the male department with one partner. I find I have difficulty splitting my focus effectively and prioritizing too many relationships, so adding another female is about my maximum in attention.


hierarchical polyamory can often be hurtful to additional partners. The real question seems to be: How can we structure things to avoid some of those pitfalls?

no matter how long two of the triad may have been together, it is important that the third be treated as an equal partner during the negotiation process. All parties should make expectations clear during the negotiating process and continue to communicate for the entire duration of the relationship.

As BDSM practitioners, we add additional complexities to our relationships.   A poly triad can have a one Dom(me), two submissive structure, but that isn’t a necessity.  It could just as easily contain a Dominant, a submissive, and a switch. Although I am not entirely sure how this would work, there could also be a Dominant, Co-Dominant, and submissive. The possibilities are endless as long as everything is consented to by all people involved.

In Poly Lifestyle in BDSM

While this is referred to as poly, it actually is a polysexual situation. Some will try to pass it off as polyamorous. However, the hierarchical makeup removes that argument….

M/s is an area where poly is less problematic. I believe the nature of a M/s relationship is the reason for this. Whenever one lives as a slave, he or she is committed to living for the other person. During the power exchange, it is agreed that the Master (Mistress) will do as he or she sees fit. Oftentimes, this involves bringing in other people. This could be sexually or emotionally. The choice is up to him or her.

In addition, the “primary” relationship contains a built-in hierarchy. Since it fundamentally is one of power exchange, the slave has no say in how other relationships are structured. 

While there is the chance of this in the M/s world, many slaves are trained to put their wants and desires secondary. They live a life to please the one they serve. If taking on another person is what he or she wants, then that is how it is. Most end up happy that Master is happy. For this reason, I believe there is a greater acceptance of another while placing that person on equal footing.

most poly situations do not work out because people have misleading impressions of what will happen. Poly is a very difficult way to live. While it is rewarding, it requires a lot of effort on all parties involved. The poly one is responsible for monitoring how much time and interaction is given to each person. At the same time, jealousy is something that the other two will deal with on a regular basis. All these issues can be worked out but they require focus, attention, and a lot of communication. Playing is easy; having a happy poly household is not.

Building a unique family starts with a vision and communicating it to others…a triad that will attract the right members read more here

One of the partners in a triad may feel left out if the other two do not include her in their social life. In BDSM, the dominant may need to treat one of the submissives more than the other. The other partner may feel neglected.

Smiling Through the Evil

I don’t like to write in exacts because I know how fluid life can be. I know that if I find someone I like – their personality, beliefs, they aren’t stupid, etc. – and they don’t fit into my ideal life scenario, I am likely to adjust. Of course, there are things I will not budge on just like everyone else. I also know that my ideal will probably change and evolve as “real life” happens.

Having said that…

I want a girl and a boy sub. I don’t have a desire to have more subs than that.

I feel like I will thrive most in a triad. It is something I have fantasized about for quite some time– to have a girl in my arms and a boy at my feet. More than that, I want a life with both of them, one that involves love between us.

I…

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About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - late 20's
This entry was posted in bdsm, polyamory, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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