How a submissive guy can make the first moves with a dominant

Sub guys shouldn’t passively wait for their dominant to make the first move to play… they have to show her their desire for her even if they break the rules

In How to Make the First Move 

The more intense your feelings are for someone, the more likely it is that you feel nervous and are worried about doing or saying the wrong thing. Making the first move can be difficult, but you can successfully make the leap.

Pay attention to body language cues

look for body language clues such as prolonged eye contact and positive facial expressions to help you work out whether you’ll get a positive response. I don’t know if there are any universal facial expressions for a dominant or a submissive. If there are, use them. If you are uncertain, smile appropriately.

Communicate with your body language.

Your body language can show her that you are interested. Smiling and mirroring your date’s expressions can show a desire to be with them. Check If the other person mirrors you. 

Although the erotic literature suggests that a submissive cast his gaze downward, this may be signal that he is disinterested in his date. 

Engage in good conversation. You don’t need to get into “dominance/submission” topics unless you’re attending a seminar or a munch that is exclusively about BDSM.  Most munches I have attended had very little BDSM discussion at first. Small talk presented in a positive way can convey an agreeable attitude, but don’t waste your date’s time with endless trivia. If she wants to dive into BDSM head-on, meet her on that subject. Do not be afraid to tell her what you think and hint at what you hope to get out of a possible relationship like: “I like a dominant to take control in the bedroom,” etc. 

Ask interesting questions. Ask her how she came into dominance and what she is looking for in a partner. 

Be honest and straightforward. It’s better to tell a dominant how experienced you are than to disappoint her later. You can downplay some of your accomplishments and surprise her later. 

Be positive. Keep a light tone, an interested posture, a bright facial expression. Show her that you are the right person to bring out her dominance and that together you can have a successful BDSM relationship. 

Create a romantic setting.  Plan a future romantic date in a private, intimate space where you can exchange your deepest feelings. A noisy bar or dungeon may be too distracting. 

Keep it casual. If a romantic setting isn’t possible, offer to exchange contact information and the best way and time to communicate. If she doesn’t give you specific contact information, it may be a signal she is not interested. If she is still listening, establish a friendship. Send a casual message on social media to remind her you’re still interested in being friends. Maybe she can refer or introduce you to someone who might be more suitable for your needs. 

Suggest getting together. If she has told you her interests, suggest a specific event where you could meet. For example, if she likes romantic movies, suggest meeting at a current one that is showing. If she says she likes rope play, suggest an upcoming rope-play event that you’d like to attend as her rope bunny. Check Fetlife for BDSM events happening in your area.  

Follow up after you spend time together. If she gives you contact information, tell her that you had a good time with her and mention some specific thing that happened during the first meeting that you liked to open up your next conversation. “I liked when you said you would spank bratty boys”. 

Be bold and ask her out. If you think there is chemistry between you and her and she’s interested in meeting a submissive guy be bold and ask her out. Tell her you’d like to meet her again. Don’t suggest an agenda, add conditions or expectations, just suggest you want to have fun and see how things go. 

Ask for permission before you make a physical move. You should both be giving your consent to the first move in either a verbal or physical way. Even if she said she liked a submissive guy to show his obedience by kneeling before her feet earlier, obtain consent to do that now.  Consent is always necessary at the moment you make a move. 

Take it slow when making a physical first move. 

Give your date time to say “stop”.  You want her to feel comfortable with you. If she isn’t ready to take it as far as you are, then respect her wishes.

To conclude – a submissive will still need to initiate conversation and push the interaction, which is inherently dominant. So I’d recommend being flirtatious, being very sexual, and instead of passing shit tests through confidence and arrogance, passing them with charm and sexual tension. That way he’s still commanding the interaction, but not coming off as dominant, just very sexual. Then once the girl is hooked on his charm, he can imply he is more submissive and gauge her reaction (things like jokes about tying him up or spanking him, with enough humor that he has plausible deniability, but also enough sexual energy that she can agree to do it with him). From:

more on this topic in this post

meeting at a place like Wicked Grounds might be too forward or could be just the right thing to set the mood

It may be too bold to tell your date about the type of relationship you want on the first date…but if she asks, be ready to reveal your desires

Visit Talithia

Alyssa Webber fell into a dominant role and was reluctant at first to raise her hand to a slave. SPOILER ALERT she got over it. Here she presents some thoughts on what is holding you back from unleashing your true dominant nature.

The blocks and barriers to domination

I grew up in the UK, in a middle-class, single-parent family. My mum was a strong figure, who threw my dad out for being unfaithful, and never told me there was something I couldn’t do or achieve just because I was a girl. Even with her support I grew up thinking that heterosexuality was the only option available to me and although I liked the idea of sex, it never set off the fireworks I’d hoped for.

Since my surprise introduction to female domination and BDSM, I’ve faced up to many of my assumptions and “truths” I’d absorbed over the years and…

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About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm, dating, femdom, relationships, submission and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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