BDSM isn’t for everyone, but for some it can rekindle their marriage
In Anna Davies’ How BDSM Saved Our Marriage
When we arrived [at our first play party] , there were people being spanked in one room and others walking around on leashes, which helped us realize we weren’t that into exhibitionism. But the idea of BDSM definitely got us going, and that night, my husband dominated me. He held my hands over my head as we had sex, and I had to call him sir and ask permission before I touched him or had an orgasm. It was definitely hot, and something that we wanted to try again….[later] I had no idea whether he was going to spank me or pleasure me…I ended up crying when he spanked me because it hurt, but I didn’t want him to stop—I would have felt like I had failed.
When you’re engaging in BDSM, you have to be entirely in the moment. There’s no faking it. There’s also a level of vulnerability—we have the power to literally hurt each other, so we trust that the other will listen when we use a safe word, or we can talk about things afterward if they didn’t go the way we planned.
We played around with different aspects of domination and submission for almost a year before we incorporated impact toys like paddles, and we’re still learning about what we both enjoy. Some couples take cooking classes—we learn how to tie each other up. And if it makes us feel more connected, well, what could be bad about that?
Eventually, I had an affair. He found out about it, of course. And I didn’t care about my marriage enough at that point to try to keep it much of a secret. But I did feel really bad when I saw how hurt he was. We were at a crossroads: We either had to go our separate ways or try to repair our marriage. We decided to give our relationship one last chance. For me, that started with getting our sex life back on track.
As we got more into the kink scene we spent more time researching different methods, toys, and scenarios. We learned what we liked and what we didn’t, and it really helped me especially to become more in tune with what turns me on. For instance, I’m into electric wands but not whips, ropes but not handcuffs, and I still love costumes. Many people worry that BDSM is a cover for domestic violence but in our case, if anything, it’s made my husband even more respectful of my body. Over time it’s become our couple hobby.
BDSM has definitely made us stronger and happier together than we’ve ever been. And our sex life is never boring, which is not something many people who’ve been married as long as we have can say!
as she gains more confidence in showing her submission to her dominant, she’s willing to share her pictures with us
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This has been the sexiest year of my life. Of course, 2011, when I met my partner was a seriously hot one but it wasn’t nearly as deep and intimate as the experiences we’ve shared lately. It is glorious how much we’ve grown in the seven years we have been together. I attribute most of that to kink, bdsm, and love.
One of my favorite things we’ve been doing lately is experimenting with erotic and fetishphotography. This isn’t really new per se, I’m a photographer, but I have been in front of the camera more in the past few months than I ever have before. My partner has been stretching his brilliant artist muscles and capturing images of me that have changed my life. That may sound a bit dramatic, but I stand by it.
This image makes me feel sexy and empowered. I absolutely love it…
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