Femdom vs. FLR – which is better for you?

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Many women despise the idea of femdom, yet many guys prefer it. In this post I’ll look into both femdom and it’s “lifestyle alternative” FLR and suggest a bridge between both.

Many women associate “femdom” as an activity where they don fetish clothing and provide bdsm services to a submissive male periodically (typically weekly or monthly) for a fee.

FLR is thought by proponents as a lifestyle relationship of couples where the female leads in many or all aspects of their activities. The male can present arguments of why a decision should be made as he prefers but the female has the last word. Proponents try to distance themselves from “femdom” as described above but often “discipline” and “chastity” is mentioned as ways to force the male to come around to the woman’s lead.

Most men prefer “femdom” to FLR because they are submissive only for the duration of the BDSM session and usually on their terms. In a FLR they yield all control of the relationship and activities they do to their female partner. Many of these FLR women will not permit their male partners to engage with a Dominatrix.

It is for these reasons that there is little chance that a guy will transit between either femdom into FLR or FLR into femdom. In the next section, I describe a model where men, including those accustomed to femdom, could test-drive a FLR with their partner.

Is FLR a bdsm lifestyle? While many women would prefer to not associate their FLR with BDSM, it has a power relationship similar to the femdom style of BDSM. Lets start with the fundamentals of a typical FLR.

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What are The Steps to an FLR  ?

the fundamentals are:

1. A list of rules and regulations for the husband/male partner to follow.

2. Establish yourself as the female authority figure.

3. Remove his bad habits.

4. The domestic chores become the role of your male.

5. Control his clothing.

6. Control sex.

7. Control the household finances.

8. Control social activities.

9. Ensure obedience.

10. Change his demeanor through language.

 

The FLR relationship has an implied or explicit contract. Although some guys would consider it, they prefer to test how a FLR feels before they suggest it to their partner. Fortunately, there are Dommes who can give guys a sample of this lifestyle.

flr22

 

 

 

 

 

Is a Domme who headed a group of Dommes in West Palm Beach, FL. She gives training to guys who aren’t sure which (FemDom or FLR) style of relationship is best for them.

Divinity Undenied and Richard Knight. A FLR power couple, married over a decade, all of it FLR. He embraces her for who she is and she adores him. It a love story like no other. He is the man every vanilla woman wishes she had. She is the woman that every man is intimidated by, but who secretly fantasizes about. Step into our world of real life FemDom and male submission

 

Divinity Undenied suggests a “slavery contract” to secure men into a test-drive of FLR within the client-provider model typical of a Dominatrix.

In Consensual F/m Power Exchange Contract the author provides an agreement for potential candidates to learn FLR through a series of sessions (usually one per month):

TRAINING SESSIONS The Mistress shall provide at least one formal Female Led Relationship training session per month. These sessions will always conclude with a formal caning.

PUNISHMENT AND REWARD The Mistress shall punish the submissive for inappropriate and/or undesirable behaviors, actions, habits, thoughts, etc. The Mistress shall reward the submissive for appropriate and/or desirable behaviors, actions, habits, thoughts, etc. The nature of any punishments and rewards shall be strictly left to the judgment of the Mistress

the Mistress shall furnish all tools and implements of correction. The Mistress shall also provide any necessary safer sex supplies.

the submissive agrees to be the Mistresss personal servant and sex slave by:

  • OBEDIENCE The submissive will devote himself or herself, in mind and in body, to the will of the Mistress.

  • TRUTHFULNESS The submissive agrees to answer any question put to him or her by the Mistress as clearly and as truthfully as is possible.

  • FITNESS In order to better serve the Mistress, the submissive will strive to maintain and improve his health and vitality.

  • DRESS The submissive agree to wear clothing of the Mistresss choice, including specified undergarments while in public

  • AVAILABILITY The submissive agrees to make his body available whenever, wherever, and however the Mistress wishes

  • SERVICE The submissive agrees to maintain and clean all tools and implements of correction, as directed by the Mistress. The submissive agrees to perform, to the best of his ability, any household task the Mistress requires of him or her

  • RESPECTFULNESS The submissive agrees to address the Mistress as __________ unless otherwise directed.

  • PUBLIC ATTENDANCE The submissive agrees to accompany the Mistress to one Female Led Relationship social event each month.

  • SYMBOLS OF OWNERSHIP. The Mistress shall provide the submissive with a token symbolizing the Mistresss ownership of and responsibility toward the submissive. This token shall be suitable to wear in all circumstances and shall be worn by the submissive at all times. The Mistress shall also furnish the submissive with a collar, which the submissive is to wear while at the Mistresss home and Female Led Relationship community events.

  • FORMAL TRAINING CANE. Before the onset of formal training, the submissive shall provide the Mistress with a piece of rattan, which shall be used by the Mistress to fashion a formal training cane.

  • TRAINING JOURNAL. The submissive shall make daily entrees in a training journal.

  • SAFEWORD. The submissives safeword shall be _______

 

In I’m Hers The Contract….

Obligation to Obey:

[servant] shall unconditionally and cheerfully obey every one of [Owner]’s commands and wishes and shall, at all times, conduct himself within the rules set forth by [Owner].

[servant] has surrendered to [Owner] complete and unconditional control over all aspects of his life including, but not limited to: Financial matters; Personal matters; Professional matters; Social matters; And Legal matters

[Owner] has been given all rights to punish [servant] in any way in which She desires, for any reason that She feels is appropriate, at any time, and at Her discretion. [Owner] shall not be required to demonstrate to [servant] that any punishment action is justified. [servant] shall to do his best to avoid punishment by always striving to please and obey [Owner] and to always strive to conduct himself within the rules set forth by Her. [servant] shall cheerfully submit to any punishment prescribed by [Owner] without hesitation.

Any disputes or disagreements that [servant] may have with [Owner] shall, by default, automatically resolve to the favor of [Owner]’s position. [Owner] may, at Her discretion, graciously allow [servant]’s position to be heard, but [Owner]’s final decisions shall indeed be final and [servant] will cheerfully and unconditionally abide by them.

The only sexual pleasures [servant] is permitted to enjoy shall be those which [Owner] chooses to provide him or chooses to allow him to experience at Her direction. [servant] shall keep [Owner]’s sexual needs and desires as his highest priority and he will constantly strive to please Her in every way.

[Owner] and [servant] shall remain completely and faithfully monogamous to one another in every sense of the word. [Owner] may, at Her discretion, require [servant] to wear a locked chastity device to ensure his monogamy and to help him to develop further into a better and more pleasing sexual partner for [Owner]’s benefit. The [Owner] affirms the [servants] submissive nature to his Wife and to satisfy their mutual desire for him to be kept chaste while learning to get his pleasure only from Her pleasure.

[Owner] has absolute control over [servant]’ body in every way. This includes, but is not limited to, [Owner]’s rights to, at Her discretion: Control what enters his body (as in eating and drinking); Mark his body (as in tattoos, bruises, welts, cuts and abrasions); Modify his body (as in piercings, punctures, brands, cuttings and scarification); Cause sensations to his body (as in the infliction of pleasure and pain); And maintain his body (as in weight and health issues). [servant] shall unhesitatingly make his body completely accessible to [Owner], without restriction, at Her request, for any purpose She desires.

in Her Wish – My Command 

the Female Led Relationship contract update

has this:

Devotion, Adoration, & Desire for my Sweetness

I love Sweetness completely and have freely given her control of my body, my time, and my resources. She is to use me as she sees fit. I am here for her comfort and pleasure. I obey her to the best of my ability and she has full power to take corrective measures if she feels they are warranted.

followed by a detailed list of weekly & daily chores he will perform and a general list:

  • Perform Sweetness’s bidding when asked.

  • Cook 3 dinners per week

  • Kiss hoochie coo as act of thankfulness and respect after each act of intercourse.

  • Clean up and consume all cum whenever & wherever released .

  • Apply warmed lotion when asked.

  • Provide pedicure every 3 weeks

  • Provide manicure when requested

  • Offer Birthday week extras each month the week of Sweetness’s birthday

    • Increased foot massage time to 20 minutes
    • Nightly back massage of 15 minutes
    • If requested extend back massage with intercourse
  • No use of sweetness’s razors

  • Sex Etiquette. No cum on sheets Well lubed cock & Hoochie coo – no cock poking

  • Insure hoochie coo is clean & smooth

 

In Updating our Female Led Relationship Contract ,   writes:

In brief, we’re a relationship first, and both happy that she’s the dominant partner. Call it consensual non consent. She gets the final word, but she still accepts feedback on safety, which she takes seriously, and wants me to be happy. My hard limits are well beyond her range of Femdom behavior, but if reached would trigger a relationship safety warning. Most importantly, I am blessed that I am mentally and physically robust, with no traumas or health issues.

I think it’s also important to make the distinction between violation and hazard. Stomping all over a hard limit is a violation. Being bored, frustrated or in pain is just a hazard.

So if she whips me past the point where I really really wish it would stop, that’s just too bad. I’m not sustaining any long term harm.

A bit of pain won’t kill me. I’ve also been on hill walks that went on too long, or where the weather turned against us, or I hurt my ankle… that’s just what happens from time to time if you go hiking in the hills. And of course, negotiating the hazards of an FLR is exciting and life affirming. I rather enjoy the adventure.

However, I will admit that my negotiating position is poor, but being both a submissive and a non-physical masochist, I rather like that.

 

How does a FLR contract differ from a Femdom one? Lets take a look at one used for training:

 

slaveContract

in Mistress / Slave Femdom Slavery Contract the author provides a highly detailed contract for her submissive’s slavery training sessions. Here are some excerpts:

slave shall be used by the mistress at any time or place at her discretion 24 hours a day.

  • slave must request permission to leave for social or optional activities.
  • slave shall not be excused from service for minor illness or physical discomfort.
  • slave may be utilized throughout the day and night without regard to his dress, sleep or other considerations.
  • slave may not bathe or care for his body for personal comfort without permission of Mistress or release from duty. This includes dressing.
  • slave is available for inspection and observation at all times.
  • slave is required to be available to perform household chores and tasks at all times. Upon completion slave must request inspection.
  • slave shall follow all Mistress orders immediately; without question or hesitation (unless there is unrealized risk).
  • slave is required to observe proper slave decorum, demeanor and preparation.

Sessions are utilized for punishment and as a means of training the slave.

Sessions are used to reinforce the Mistress’ dominance and control over the slave and to provide pleasure and amusement to Mistress.

Sessions may involve the binding and gagging of the slave for extended periods of time. The slave will be made to endure fairly extreme discomfort. This is usually from stretching, tying, lack of movement,
etc., with the addition of whipping, nipple clips, b.p.’s (butt plug) etc. Mistress will check on the slave often. slave shall endure punishments administered by Mistress without complaint.

slave gives himself to his Mistress for her pleasure, service and amusement without any expectation of receiving anything in return other than the satisfaction received from pleasing his Mistress by the performance of his requested duties

To a great extent the motivation for the slave to dedicate himself to his Mistress is based on the manipulation of these needs by his Mistress. slave recognizes that Mistress is free to tease and torment her slave sexually and encourages her to do so as a means of training.

Routine punishment, discipline and further refresher training shall be at the discretion of the Mistress.

The contract continues with slave Demeanor, Decorum, Appearance, Schedule and Chores (during 30 days of refresher training).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm, bdsm-culture, femdom, flr, male, psychology, relationships, women, women-v-men and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Femdom vs. FLR – which is better for you?

  1. Reblogged this on Scarlett Red's Dungeon and commented:
    Some thoughts here, as life is not necessarily black or white, Female led Relationship could be an alternative to pure BDSM whilst bringing a lot of pleasure to some males, and potentially allowing some to be willing to experience deeper desires…

  2. Terry Riggers says:

    I’mTerry. interested in a FLR Please let me know how

  3. Rosa says:

    Your definition of ‘femdom’ is, in my opinion, incorrect. If a ‘sub’ stops being submissive after a scene, that’s usually because they’re a bottom / fetishist. ‘Femdom’ just refers to female dominance, and it very much encompasses 24/7 TPE dynamics. The FLR movement, on the other hand, tends to be very anti-kink, with the strange exception of chastity and domestic discipline.

  4. dave94015 says:

    I believe you’re referring to my statement: Most men prefer “femdom” to FLR because they are submissive only for the duration of the BDSM session and usually on their terms. You’re right. Femdom (without quotes) is, at its simplest definition, female dominance. Also true, femdom is a root of many varieties of female dominance including (but not limited to) “lifestyle” ( or 24/7 TPE), pro-domme (or sex-work) activities, demi-sexual relationships where the woman leads, LDR Femdom relationships (such as Findom), mommy-son, sissy, pup-play, pony play, DD with the male as house-husband…and many more, including FLR’s that involve obedience and punishment, etc. Grey areas include switching partners, poly situations, service topping, etc. As time goes on it becomes increasingly difficult to limit femdom as people apply it in their relationships at particular times as new practices emerge frequently. My initial description of several years ago (that is in this post) is in need of serious revision. Thanks for your critique.

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