Is lifestyle D/s separate from mainstream #BDSM ?
communication between people with a BDSM background and those who practice lifestyle D/s is excruciatingly difficult since it is almost like you are speaking different languages. The philosophical basis behind each group are frequently very different
The post considered the differences between lifestyle D/s vs. #BDSM as practiced in the community.
I normally would post a terse reply to his post (and still may) but I think the topic deserves more treatment, including links to other references.
If I can characterize the gist of his post it is that lifestyle is fundamentally different than the varieties of #BDSM that many practice (he enumerates many of those varieties).
I don’t see the two (lifestyle and BDSM) as distinctly separate because I know or have met many in the kink scene who practice both. Indeed, I’m living with partners who are into both.
My first dominatrix delivered #femdom services to her clients and had a lifestyle arrangement with me at the same time. If you think her service end was purely for making a living, she also attended social events and practiced for no charge. She is both a prodomme and lifestyle domme.
I see lifestyle and BDSM practice as a polarity with most individuals involved somewhere between the two poles. True, there are some people who are only involved in the lifestyle aspect (consider ‘Christian #DD’) and some who only attend play parties for their BDSM experience but have no lifestyle arrangement. Many have a lifestyle relationship and still participate in some BDSM events.
In Amy Rushlow’s A Peek Inside The BDSM Bedroom
in a study published online in the Journal of Sexual Medicine
More than 80 percent of BDSM scenarios take place at home…kink is an integrated, normalized part of everyday life for most practitioners
half [of the survey respondants] were in monogamous relationships, and their sexual activities included BDSM and non-BDSM practice. About half had different partners for their BDSM activities and non-BDSM activities. Non-monogamy may be one way to cope with a mismatch in BDSM interest between partners
BDSM works as a pleasurable safe sexual event for those who experience distress in non-BDSM contexts
……
How to transition from bedroom to lifestyle
From the study, most people who answered the survey said they transitioned after 6 years of bedroom kink.
the [fetishes] people said they enjoyed the most weren’t necessarily at the top of the list of most frequently practiced activities. This may because of differences between partners, or lack of implements,
For guys: should you consider a professional dominatrix or a lifestyle domme?
There are many lifestyles available for sub guys.
In an article by Cara Sutra
BDSM & FemDom Advice: Lifestyle versus Professional Domination
Lifestyle Mistresses and Dommes are incredibly sought after but as many submissives report, difficult to impress. As the Lifestyle Domme chooses her submissive based on the qualities she sees in him or her, rather than after a negotiated or set fee, it can prove challenging for a submissive to prove their worth to a Lifestyle Domme and be accepted into her service.
Professional and Lifestyle Domination are not at odds with each other, nor is one better than the other. They are simply different. In fact, the issue should really be, Lifestyle or Professional Domination, rather than versus.
Some people want to but don’t know how to transition from bedroom bdsm to lifestyle.
In How Does Submission Outside the Bedroom Work?
if you want to bring your dominance and submission relationship out of the bedroom, take a look at the life you share and simply start helping where you can. Show respect, be polite, and do as they ask. It’s not always as much fun as the mind-blowing sex, but it’s can be as rewarding and fulfilling.
dave94015 