How to maintain a #bdsm relationship when you can’t be with the one you dominate (or submit to)

online-bdsm-dating

If #bdsm with your partner is mingled with sex , virtual intimacy is rarely satisfying.  Here’s how to maintain your bdsm relationship with your partner for both subs and doms.

I assume you are already in a physical relationship with your partner and they are not able to be there with you. There are many guides to establishing a first encounter with your prospective partner.

If you’re a submissive there are things you can do.

In the blog post, Cyber Submission and Exploring D/s Online, the author details how her dominant can give her tasks:

Texting. I love that Master has the ability to text me an order. How does He know I did it though? Well, that is…

Photos. You can take photos of your completed task and picture mail them to your Master.

Webcam. While you are chatting online you can turn on your webcam and your Master can watch you actually perform the task. This is also helpful for phone-sex, a subject I will detail further into this post.

Simple honesty. There are some things where you will only be able to answer questions about after you have done it.

 

If your dominant requires certain activities to be performed regularly use things such as:

Online calendars and email reminders. The tasks can be set into the program and it sends you a reminder email.

Daily emails and/or blogs.  this is good for is writing “reports” or “essays” for your Dom that S/He assigns you. You can keep a private blog for view only by your partner.

Self-bondage and other self-induced BDSM play.  Using things such as pleasure (ben-wa) balls, and/or anal beads under your clothes at work and/or simple breast bondage.

Now that we’ve have the “hard stuff” out of the way, lets dive into the fun aspects.Try texting your partner (see texting tips) to get her into the mood for a phone sex session you will have with them later.

“I want you to put on a pair of sexy underwear tonight before I order you to take it off”

“I want you to set up your vibrator for tonight”

“I want to make you mine tonight”

 

etc.

If you’re the sub, send similar texts telling your dominant what you want.

Check out: https://www.bustle.com/articles/131300-50-example-sexting-ideas-you-can-use-right-now

oral-sex

I want you to lie back and let me take care of you tonight.

I’m going to ravage you the second you get in the door.

spank1

I’m going to let you do anything you want to me.

fd1

I’ve got a surprise waiting for you.

I’m going to make you beg for it.

I’m going to make you come so hard.

My clothes are coming off the second you get home.

I want you.

Tell me what you think about when you masturbate.

I want you to kiss/touch my [pick a body part].

I need you inside of me right now.

I want to make you come.

I want you to tease me until I can’t take it any longer.

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Put it in my mouth.

hand-grab

Let me take control tonight.

Get over here right now.

I want you to be really rough.

I’m touching myself right now thinking about you.

It’s too bad you’re not here right now.

I’m not going to let you come until you beg me for permission.

I’m so wet right now.

I had such a good dream about you last night.

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I thought of something I want to do to you tonight.

I just got out of the shower.

I’m too busy tonight. You can’t have me until tomorrow.

I miss feeling you inside of me.

Remember that time we did …?

I can’t get last night out of my mind.

I want you to do exactly what you did last time we ….

kiss2

I can’t imagine ever coming as hard as I did when you ….

You always feel so good inside of me.

Thrusted Hard

I love staring at your ….

You make me so wet.

I love the way you make me feel.

I’ve never felt as attracted to anyone else as I am to you.

I can’t control myself when I’m near you.

The anticipation is killing me.

I can’t get enough of you.

If you want to have a sexual experience with your partner, check out the tips in How to Have Phone Sex

Flirt with your dominant with a tease of a quick call or flirty text that will make your partner really look forward to talking with you. Try sending off a “can’t wait to hear your voice tonight,” to leave them wanting more. And feel free to use your pet bedroom name if you have one.

Act as if you’re in a session with your partner. Draw out your words using soft whispers and sprinkle in a few playful sighs or moans here and there while you’re talking. It helps if you’re already turned on before you talk on the phone.

Listen to your partner. Your partner will give their own clues as to whether or not you’re hitting the right buttons. You might find yourself following along with your partner’s imagination, or you might be taking the reins yourself. If you’re shy, your partner might only need to know that you’re a willing participant to let him/her take off and lead for you.

Roleplay. set up a roleplay scenario. Tell him you are his pet for the night and want him to collar you and lead you around the dungeon. Or tell him you will be his sex slave and you want him to describe what he would do with you.

Talk about those #TBTs. “Remember when we were in at that party at  SF Citadel [or your favorite dungeon] when you had me in rope suspension and you…” or “What if you realized I was wearing a strap-on under my clothes…”, “What if we were invited by a sexy woman…to have a threesome?”

Live vicariously through the phone. Phone sex is a great and safe place to talk about the things you wouldn’t or couldn’t do in real life. “Imagine if we were at an elegant restaurant, and you were under the table cloth, eating me out while the waiter took our order.”…“what if we were at a party full of sexy people and they all just started f*cking in front of us?”

Try “Confessional” Time. Phone sex is a great platform for testing the waters for your secret fantasies. Say something like, “I confess I’ve always wanted you to go down on me while I rant about that totally passive aggressive thing my roommate did”…”I fantasize about you spanking my pussy”

Explore new places…with your words. There’s nothing stopping you from exploring a phone sex fantasy of getting it on in a raft in the lake when…you’d like to try watersports…for roleplay scenarios…a cop and a sexy nurse. He’s caught with an erection, caught masturbating, being alone in a castle, deserted beach, or BDSM party.

Don’t forget about pillow talk! it’s important to reconnect after phone sex with laughter and wind down talk after you both orgasm. So, make sure you both block out enough time to do this after things get hot and heavy on the phone…phone sex quickies can be just as hot too

Remember that phone sex can be an appetizer, not just the main course.  Treating phone sex as little appetizing pieces can help take some of the pressure off your dominant. “Swat my but a few times when we’re alone…”

Don’t be afraid of awkward lulls in conversation. If it takes you out of the moment, try redirecting to an earlier point of the conversation. “You were talking about blow jobs earlier…I bet you can imagine my warm lips on your penis right now.”  “tell me more about what you’d do to me.”

Take a detour if you need it. It’s important for both parties to understand that it’s okay to call a “detour” but keep going. If your dominant says something you do not agree to, say so: “Not working, let’s detour to you describing going down on me.”

Cut him off if you feel like it. If your partner keeps pressuring you to have Skype sex or Facetime sex and you’re not comfortable with that tell him: “you only get to see my body in person, when you can touch it and kiss it….the whole package.” With voice only you can use your imagination more, without the distraction of visuals getting in the way.

Ins & Outs of texting and phone-sex. I prefer texting to set up a time with my partner. I then make the call and use speaker phone so I can use my hands. I suggest she does the same (when she picks up). Some people prefer webcam with Skype, Facetime, etc. but dealing with the technology can interrupt the flow of arousal. If you keep the tech simple, your imagination can take over.

I suggest you have your partner put on some sexy clothes that she can remove one piece at a time easily – and you do the same. Start in a darkened room with no distractions. You take off one item, she takes off one item, etc. You eventually start fondling yourself as she fondles herself. Start your dirty talk from the examples below or try to recall a hot scene you have had with your sub.

Stay in the present tense, describing the action as it happens:

“Princess, I’m slipping off my shorts, my dick is popping up”….”I want you to deep throat me!”

If you’re the sub initiating the action, tell your dominant what you want. They should begin dominating you in turn. Relive a hot scene you had with them

 

 

in Master Sexting Mondays

“I write this for your pleasure. I ask permission to let me guide you as you satisfy yourself. ‘Please Sir, may I pleasure you?’ Imagine me kneeling and naked between your legs in front of you. My knees spread, hands resting palms up. A coy grin on my face. All you have to do is say, ‘yes’. ‘Thank you, Sir.’”

* walks up to where you sit in your chair and puts her hands on the arm rests…staring into your eyes… not smiling and growls* You know exactly what kind of naughty boy you’ve been…and I know just what kind of lesson I’m going to teach you! * a small smile escapes at the end before I completely control it*

*bites his lower lip as he tries to avert his eyes* No…don’t, please…

Don’t beg! You’re going to do what I say, right? * grabs your chin and levers your head back so you’re looking into my eyes…whispering forcefully* Get up, and strip for me! *steps back and places her hands on her hips as she leans back against the computer desk and stares you down*

*gulps hard and nods, slowly…standing up … his legs feel week but he can stand, and he pulls off his shirt slowly first…then pushes his shorts down past his knees and steps out of them*

Everything!

Off!

NOW!

Y…yes ma’am!… *quickly pulls his briefs off and steps out of them*

*Walks forwards towards you, a catlike smile crossing her lips…she reaches out and gently strokes a palm over your hardening cock* Better!!

 

In HOW TO HAVE INTENSELY HOT PHONE SEX

You can start describing how he is pinning you down, pushing your hands over your head and spreading your legs with his. You can tell him how he is completely overpowering you and no matter how much you struggle against him, you can’t stop him from entering you.

You can describe how you’re grinding on top of him, bringing him closer and closer to orgasm while you can feel a wave of orgasmic pleasure coming over your body.

You can even describe a blow job you’re giving him while he mimics your description with his hands on the other end of the phone. You can talk about how you’re softly running your fingers up and down his cock and balls to tease him. Then you start focusing on the tip of his penis with your tongue, before taking him a little deeper.

Things a dom can say:

“Who’s MY dirty little slut?

“My Good Girl”.

bd-fet

“I want to bend you over and spank your butt really hard without mercy”

“I want to bend over the edge of the bed  and take you doggie style”

 

Resources.

In 64 WILD DIRTY TALK EXAMPLES

  1. There is something so damn hot when you pin me down by my wrists.
  2. Hearing you groan, moan and shout when you cum is so fucking satisfying.
  3. Make me cum with your tongue.
  4. Tonight is all about me, so get down on your knees and put that tongue of yours to work.
  5. Feeling your seed drip down my leg was the perfect reminder of this morning.
  6. I’m going to need your services tonight, boy.
  7. Fuck me harder.
  8. I’ve never been fucked like that before.
  9. Did you take a course on how to make me cum?
  10. Tonight is all about making you cry with pleasure.
  11. I dreamed about you last night and woke up dripping wet, which was nice.
  12. I love when you’re rough with me.
  13. I’ve been a bad girl and deserve a spanking.
  14. Take your clothes off and get on your hands and knees. Right now!
  15. I wore this for you.
  16. Making you hard is my number one priority.
  17. I love seeing your bulge in your pants.
  18. I absolutely adore feeling you on top of me.
  19. I love holding your cock and feeling it get hard in my hands.
  20. I want you to handcuff me and fuck me any way you’d like.
  21. Do you like the fact that I think about you when I’m masturbating.
  22. Tonight I want to watch you jerk yourself off.
  23. I keep fantasizing about you grabbing me and having your way with me.
  24. I don’t want to be forward, but I need you now.
  25. Tonight you have a choice, anal or oral? Choose wisely.  
  26. Just feeling your eyes on me makes me so wet.
  27. Take me right here.
  28. The plan for tonight is to be your personal sex doll.
  29. You bring out this animal in me, I love it!
  30. I want you to scream my name when you cum.
  31. Give me every last drop.
  32. Hearing you moan with pleasure turns me on so much.
  33. Make me your bitch!
  34. Punish me!
  35. Your cock belongs to me.
  36. Fuck my cunt!
  37. Suck my breasts.
  38. Tell me when you’re close.
  39. Slap my ass.
  40. Make me feel helpless.
  41. This pussy is yours, whenever you want it.
  42. You’re going to pass out with pleasure.
  43. Shut the fuck up and take your clothes off.
  44. I don’t normally do this, but you bring out this craziness in me.
  45. Bite me and mark me as yours.
  46. I want to feel your hands all over my body.
  47. Bend me over and spank me, I’ve been a really naughty girl.
  48. Pull my hair and treat me like an animal.
  49. I keep thinking about the first time you fucked me; it makes me so insanely horny.
  50. I want to feel you kiss my entire body.
  51. Is it weird that I just want you to use me tonight?
  52. Sex with you is like a drug, and I think I may be addicted.
  53. I want to feel your cock twitch inside me.
  54. Make me your bitch.
  55. Don’t ever stop fucking me.
  56. I want you to tie me up and have your way with me.
  57. Jesus-fucking-Christ you’re going to make me cum.
  58. I feel so small in your arms.
  59. I don’t think I could ever get bored of having sex with you.
  60. I love how your dick feels in my hands!
  61. There’s a few things that I really like about you; I hope you never stop doing them. – Perfect for keeping him thinking about you.
  62. I’ve got something I want to try on you later….I think you’ll like it!
  63. I wish we could just fuck forever.
  64. Dominate me like the slut I am!

 

In dirty-things-to-say-to-a-guy

  1. I need you so bad right now.
  2. Why aren’t you here right now, I’m so fucking horny.
  3. I can’t concentrate at work. All I can think about is sucking your dick.
  4. My panties are soaked, get home quick.
  5. Last night was incredible. I can’t stop thinking about it.
  6. What do you want me to wear in bed tonight?
  7. I keep fantasizing about what I’m going to do to you later.
  8. I was thinking about you today.
  9. I’m going to give you the wettest blowjob tonight.
  10. Do you want to try anal with me?
  1. I love masturbating while talking to you, but what I really need is you, here, fucking me.
  2. I’m blushing just saying this, but I miss your dick so much.
  3. I wish I could just clone your dick, so I have something to remind me of you.
  4. Why can’t we just quit our jobs, live together and fuck all day, every day.
  5. I dreamed about you last night, and it was fantastic, but I woke up, and you weren’t here.
  6. I keep thinking about just quitting school/my job and coming to see you tonight.

 

 

some samples from Sexting: The Fastest and Easiest Way to Learn Sexting for Beginners

…..

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sext3

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in Dirty Talk and Sexting 

dtytlk1

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dtytlk3

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dtytlk5

dtytlk6

 

….

 

About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm, bdsm-culture, bdsm-play, dating, femdom, flirting, online-sex, relationships, sex, submission, women and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to How to maintain a #bdsm relationship when you can’t be with the one you dominate (or submit to)

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