Can a guy have sex with other guys and not be gay?


Some straight guys come into town during Gay Pride week and get their first m/m experience. Other guys have tried Grindr     and enjoy their dates. Eventually, they come to like the experience but they’ll ask: “If I like having sex with guys, am I gay?”

Guys who are conflicted like this are not alone. in Straight men have a lot of gay sex, study shows

results from a study by Arielle Kuperberg – an associate professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro – and Alicia M. Walker, assistant professor of sociology at Missouri State University  in Archives of Sexual Behaviour, “Heterosexual College Students Who Hookup with Same-Sex Partners:

The analysis of 24,000 undergraduate students revealed that of the men whose last hookup was with a male partner, one in eight defined as heterosexual [with] “more conservative attitudes.”

The researchers also found that there were distinct types of straight people who would engage in gay sex.

“Three types,” they explained, “comprising 60% of students, could be classified as mostly private sexual experimentation among those with little prior same-sex experience, including some who did not enjoy the encounter….the other two types in this group enjoyed the encounter, but differed on drunkenness and desire for a future relationship with their partner.”

More than one in four – 28 percent – had “strong religious practices and/or beliefs that may preclude a non-heterosexual identity, including 7 percent who exhibited ‘internalised heterosexism.’”


in   Having sex with a man doesn’t make you gay

It’s not uncommon for straight men who have sex with another man to experience “gay panic” and feel guilty about what they’ve done and what it means.



in The reason why straight men are having sex with other men, according to sexologist Dr. Jane Ward

is that there are so many more men out than the world realises…that enjoy a different type of stimulation…homosexual contact is a normal part of male experience – but society has always felt the need to explain it away. ..By understanding their same-sex sexual practice as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways.

in Straight men who have sex with other men ,  sexologist Dr. Nikki Goldstein says:

there [are] guys …who are hooking up with other guys just for the pure ease at which a hook up can occur.

It is not necessarily about sexual attraction to a gender, but sexual pleasure.

Is it that easy to find another girl who is just willing to give a blow job and say nothing more? Guys know what other guys are like. Guys just want to (get off).

There are many issues when it comes to homosexuality that many men are not comfortable with, and these might stem from the masculine lifestyle, cultural or religious values.

Myers writes:

…if we remove the label of “gay” from sex acts we traditionally assume are only the domain of gay men, does this mean you can take part in them and still be straight?

Thinking about having sex with a man isn’t a sign you’re gay yourself…

The ability to distance oneself from any gayness of a sex act perhaps comes from how it plays out…sex is just sex. It’s common for gay people, when they first come out, to say their sexuality doesn’t define them, that there’s more to them than simply being gay. It’s all part of the process of recognising your sexual orientation and assert yourself as an individual, not part of some flock or movement. It’s the vestigial feelings of shame that coming out is supposed to eradicate, hanging on for dear life. “I’m not like the others,” they think. Most of us get over it eventually and reconcile with the fact we’re gay, but this refusal to define can, in some cases, be a positive thing – a defiance of society’s boring old norms. As long as it’s used constructively and positively, and not homophobically of course.


Daniel X Miller’s account of his first date with a guy:

For a witty discussion, check out Davey in this video  

He kisses a guy and asks him if he feels nothing from the kiss…

it is ignorant to think that you can make a straight guy go gay as it is a gay guy go straight

and his other video


About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in dating, male, nonGay, sex and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Can a guy have sex with other guys and not be gay?

  1. dominanceinprogress says:

    I am a woman who can have sex with other women and not be a lesbian. To me there is no issue here but I suppose the stigma, as always, is different with men as it is with women.

  2. dave94015 says:

    Women seem to acknowledging & accept same gender sex that is not necessarily lesbian. Many “straight” guys have this fear of any implication of gay. The post suggests there is a lot of same gender sex going with younger guys. Thanks for the observation.

  3. Pingback: Can a guy’s dick be too big? | dave94015

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