Guys! are you Slipping into a #FLR?


After a couple has been practicing #femdom play for a while one or both partners often consider expanding the play into other areas of their lives.


Some will consider a lifestyle that will resemble a female-led relationship (FLR).

FLR’s change the relationship dynamic. Usually,  one member of the couple wants to move further into the FLR than the other.

FLR has levels of engagement.

Here’s a synopsis and expansion of an article  that describes the levels of FLR:



Level 1 – Hesitation & Ambivalence


The guy wants a FLR, but the woman isn’t  “comfortable with connecting to their dominant side”. Sometimes she wants her guy to “step up to the next level”.

The article claims that “women are genetically wired to respond to dominance, not be dominant“. It is also possible that guys are at least not comfortable with yielding to their partner for extended periods of time.

Guys may still have to overcome prevailing social attitudes toward FLR. . In Female Led Relationships Are the Latest Craze

the stigma surrounding dominant women forced many men to hide their true desires. In traditional practice, men are supposed to lead and women are supposed to follow. To have it any other way would be taboo


Level 2 – Motivated Engagement


She’ll get into a dominant role and enjoy the ride…but [she has her limits] because taking the FLR any further will feel a bit unnatural and even weird to her. Doing so might cause her to start worrying about what would happen to the overall dynamic of the relationship. FLR usually has a D/s relationship dynamic. The participants no longer have an “egalitarian” relationship but a “power exchange”.

In The importance of the 5 food groups

The big two (finances and free time) is what you should negotiate to control in a level 2 FLR. Your negotiation will have limits and likely not make you an autonomous leader with final authority. It is too much to expect but you can exert a great deal of control with his free time, get the benefits of help around the house and have more security because you are leading finances.

in a level 2 FLR the couple will explore some light bondage, or servant/queen play.

Level 3 – Willing Embracement


This FLR is enjoyed by women who have a higher need for being in control…over more areas of her man’s life, including but not limited to money, the direction in life, day to day activities, sex life, etc.

[the female is]  free to negotiate full control so your word is law…You want him to remain the aggressor in sex, done!, you want him to shave and shower before bed, done! You can stop him from internet porn, masturbation, sexual fantasies (aside from those you are using to keep him interested), any other bad habit. He can go to counseling to figure out why he has feelings of failure (supposing he does), you can send him back to school, get him to rest more, help him lose weight and on and on. You can micro manage if you have the energy or set an agenda and guide.


The type of kinks are more “perverse” and the couple may …explore chastity cages, pegging, strap-ons, BDSM elements (collars, chains, whips), etc. based [mostly] on the woman’s desires.


Level 4 – Full Blown Immersion


Complete immersion into the FLR dynamic, with the woman occupying a position of genuine and total power over her man [who], is now a willing servant [with a] dynamic [that] has permeated every aspect of their lives. The power exchange eventually becomes a “total power exchange” (TPE).

In Kink 101 What is Total Power Exchange

The essence of TPE is in the fact that the exchange takes place in the very beginning of the relationship…a slave…can either be the full and total slave of the owner – or leave the relationship altogether.

TPE owners are indeed the proud and responsible owner of a slave and they will cherish, love and care for that property … the slave is considered property. By the owner AND by the slave.

The owner will train [her slave] to act,  look and behave like the owner wants it to be. The TPE owner will change, modify, train and condition her slave to her liking – without asking the slave if he/she likes that or not.. That is where one of the main differences with all other forms of BDSM is: concepts like safewords and negotiation are NOT in the TPE-vocabulary.


sexual kinks at this level are dictated solely by the whim of the woman. They can range from darker things like extreme sissification and more hardcore forms of BDSM.

The female in the relationship has to be motivated to advance it to the next level for it to succeed. How can this happen?


In the following narrative “STARTING A FEMDOM MARRIAGE” ,  Jim and Emily are already at level 2. Jim does all the household chores. Emily controls the finances. Jim is grooming her when she says:

‘’I am still thinking but I can’t see any other options. You must become my slave…You are on your knees massaging my feet! I haven’t done the cooking or the housekeeping for months. I am the one who decides how we spend our money. I have the control of almost everything in your life. Why don’t you want to admit that? At the end, if you do accept this situation, nothing will change in your life.”

“Be my slave. I know what you really like, your desires betray you and I know you dream about it each night and imagine some stories when you feel alone.”

“I want you to be mine; I want to control your soul and your body. You know this is the best thing to do for both of us. Give me the control…Let me remove your liberties and your rights. The only thing you would have to worry about is to take care of me and to obey my orders. Your life would be easier and peaceful.”

“if you become my slave, there is no reason not to have some good times together. You read too many stories about this on the Internet. I am not going to destroy you or consider you as an object. I want you to trust me enough to give me the control. We will become one. I will be the mistress and you will be my slave and we will share the same happiness.”


Emily proposes to Jim a Femdom marriage to seal the relationship they already have in effect. She allays his fear that his daily life will be different from what it has already become. She suggests her role will be a mistress and he will be her slave.

This narrative illustrates that FLR levels may not necessarily be hard boundaries for some who may flow smoothly to the highest level partners wish to maintain.

A couple who starts with a little femdom play may gradually increase it to daily rituals. To secure their relationship, they might consider a femdom marriage (even if they already are in a conventional “legal” marriage). Delicate negotiation may help both participants feel the transition will not be abrupt.


About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm, bdsm-culture, bdsm-play, bdsm-psych, flr, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Guys! are you Slipping into a #FLR?

  1. herwishmycommand says:

    I may have to look into some of these books. Thanks for the info.

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