Often a novice guy will tell a dominant that he has no limits. In many instances, she’ll break off any further communication with him. Why? A dominant will feel a guy who proclaims he has no limits is naive or, even worse, untruthful or at least out of touch with his reality.
It’s understandable that some guys will lie in order to get the first date with a dominant. It’s also possible that a newbie will not know a fraction of the many types of #bdsm play and assume he can enjoy these few activities without any limits.
Fortunately, there is a middle area that a guy new to the scene can answer to the limits without exposing his level of experience. It comes from separating “hard” limits from the “soft” ones.
The hard limits are activities that you refuse to do under any circumstances. Although justification isn’t usually required, hard limits come from physical, psychological, moral or hygienic considerations. Some kinds of #bdsm play can terrify all but the most seasoned players.
The soft limits are those that you might consider under the right circumstances. Here are a few of the main ones to consider:
- pain play. Few people actually enjoy pain. However, pain applied in the context of arousal can be sexually stimulating. Consider nipple play. Clamping or squeezing a guy’s nipples can usually lead to pain. But if a guy connects the nipple pain with his erection, the sensation can be arousing. Pegging has a similar pain/arousal connection. Both have a neural connection to the erotic sensations of a guy’s body.
- Impact play (such as flogging non-genital areas) does not seem to have that connection. At first a guy might decide impact play is at least a soft limit. But what if he gets into a deeper relationship with his dominant and she tells him to suffer for her. He agrees to go along with the play. As the pain intensifies, he becomes aroused. If his dominant is skilled, she will sustain his arousal as she increases the level of pain.
- Consuming your dominant’s bodily fluids. Most guys who are not into kink or bdsm are repulsed by bodily fluids that usually are produced during sex. But over time, a guy may want to consume parts of his dominant to become at one with her.
- Placing your fingers, fist or tongue in the more intimate areas of your dominant. Many guys are not comfortable touching intimate areas of their partner. But your dominant may force you to gratify her with your hands or tongue. If you are already going down the road to submission, this will lead you further. At some point you’ll wonder why you ever resisted.
To conclude, always be realistic with your hard limits but consider soft limits as things you’ll eventually come around to liking as you get further into the relationship with your dominant.
for more reading, check these articles:
Hard and Soft Limits? The Sooner You Know About Them The Better
Everything That’s Wrong with Your BDSM Limits List – And How To Fix It
Limits & Boundaries: Tips & Learn How to Find Your Limits – BDSM
Examples of Soft and Hard Limits
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