can a FLR have elements of Femdom? How can a guy find an LTR that has both?

Domina_III-nataieFrank

Domina III by Natalie Frank , oil on canvas, 52×40

There are some who say Femdom is merely a male fantasy and not a relationship. They contend that a FLR should not have any elements of Femdom. In their opinion, if the female leads the relationship, she would easily see that any Femdom activities are done to only please the male fantasy.  An example of this position is found in the writings of O Miss Pearl .

Other writers, such as Domina Jen,  contend that their relationships with men have both elements of FLR and Femdom practices.

 

I don’t wish to pit various writers on the subject against each other as there is no hard and fast rule about either FLR or Femdom-centric relationships. But many guys want some “Femdom” experiences now and then and they wouldn’t mind being in an FLR with someone, too. So how can a guy have a live-in relationship with a dominant?

Some dominants are looking for a live-in relationship with the right guy but he must have a special mindset. Here are some general tips:

  • he has to be attracted to her as person and will love and cherish her
  • he has to be willing to make a lifelong commitment to her
  • he has to tolerate and promote the chosen career of his domme and sex work in general
  • he has to be fully engaged in the fetish and sex worker community
  • he has to get over any feelings of jealousy he may have over his partner’s liaisons
  • he has to be willing to assume the role of personal slave, houseboy, maid, chauffeur, personal assistant, sex slave or whatever his partner chooses…and be willing to adapt to changes of his role over time
  • he has to be an independent “alpha male” on the outside and a submissive to his partner as she orders
  • he has to be immersed in the level of bdsm that his partner expects

There is considerable writing on bdsm that a guy should peruse before he engages with his partner for lifestyle bdsm.

check this reddit comment about tips for women who are considering a femdom/flr:

 

There is no doubt that a male sub has pleased the woman he’s with, because she has laid out the terms of what she wants, and he obeys. He might get punished when he does something wrong, but he also gets praised when he does something right. There is no guesswork, no “what is she thinking? Is this right? What the hell does she want?”

 

My how-to/tips and ideas guide for female domination of a man

(I copied this comment in the event Reddit deletes the post due to ongoing censorship)

or this guide to being a femdom dominant

or the amazon e-book:

DOMINANT FEMALE SUBMISSIVE MALE: A simple guide for a submissive male to find the Mistress of his dreams and for a female to understand the power she has

and for Canadians, check out this amazon e-book:

FEMDOM: How to Find a Dominant Woman – The Complete Femdom Dating Guide for Submissive Men (Female Led Relationship, FLR, Mistress, Dominatrix, Domination)

It’s better to go into a relationship with a full understanding of what your limits are to leave out the guesswork.  Some guys will claim they have “no limits” because they are a little desperate to find the right partner. Eventually,  they will be found out and possibly rejected because they weren’t truthful.

Update note: I modified the term “prodomme” to “dominant” to generalize the female role instead of simply the practices of prodommes. If a guy simply wants a femdom experience with no strings attached, he should consider the services of a prodomme. Some long-standing prodomme clients may eventually want a LTR with their dominant.

The term “dominant” is also generalized to include women who are dominant for particular activities with their partner but are not otherwise dominant in social relationships.  This may include partners who top a bottom. But some tops (such as service tops) may not actually be dominants. This is a subject for another future post.

I have also met women who cannot engage in “normal” sexual activity typical of most couples because of physical, psychological or medical conditions. They prefer to direct the form of sexual activity only and are not otherwise dominant in their relationship. They may distance themselves from the notion that their particular variation of sex is a fetish even if their partner is aroused by it. This too could be a subject of a future post.

To conclude,  Guys who want to incorporate femdom and flr in their relationship or are looking for a partner who will do this might consider the tips in this post. The best strategy is to establish a relationship with a person who is likely to go into the same direction of flr and femdom that you want.

 

suggested reading can be found on amazon:

FemDom Relationship Guide: How to build a lasting and successful female led relationship with a submissive man

 

 

 

 

About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm, femdom, relationships, sex-work and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to can a FLR have elements of Femdom? How can a guy find an LTR that has both?

  1. dominanceinprogress says:

    I assumed there could/would be a cross over between FLR and Femdom but it is entirely down to the couple. I don’t believe for one minute that FemDom is entirely a male led fantasy.

    You mention ProDommes but did you add that as an additional lifestyle choice or because it is tied to FLR/Femdom relationships?

    An FLR can be very subtle (my interpretation based on my experiences), but have elements of FemDom, particularly as the relationship progresses and the couple start to explore their boundaries as they get more comfortable with each other. I don’t think you can truly separate the two things.

  2. dave94015 says:

    Thanks for your comments and noticing my inadvertant use of prodommes. You’re right that living with a prodomme is an additional lifestyle choice. Prodommes aren’t the only people tied to femdom/flr relationships . A better choice of words would be dominants. Actually there are many women who are neither prodommes or dominants who might be interested in a female/flr relationship. To them, “dominant” might be a description of the role they have at times with their partner but not their general personality. Guys can more readily transition into a subtle flr and incorporate femdom practice as they get further into their relationship than to undergo a radical lifestyle change. Femdom and flr are generally linked in relationships if only because of the strong motivation of the participants to sustain it.

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