A person can find himself… through submission!
Allowing this makes me a masochist. Enjoying the after effects, the residual pain, reminds of the moment of escape, where pain and the thrill of submission has removed me from everything else. These scars I sought. These scars allow me to feel pain and to enjoy submitting to another.
Yes, this is addictive but am I predisposed, through nature or nurture to seek this out?
At an early age, I wanted to be alone within a quiet space, I wanted to escape, I kept myself in a cupboard to see how it felt. The dark, the peace, the safety I found needed no one. Not knowing love, I escaped. Pain and fear were a certainty within a family where I grew and where I sought escape.
Nature or nurture? My response to what happened is my own.
My mind and body reacted to threat, a threat that felt inescapable and…
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