Guys: When she asks you to go to the next level, do you freak out?


If you’ve been working out your #bdsm fantasies with your dominant and one day she asks you to go to the next level, what do you do?

I can think of two scenarios where this could happen.

You frequent a #bdsm dungeon and have sessions with the same partner often. Over time, she understands your D/s desires. You’ve become to trust her. Lately,  it seems like the scenes are a little boring. She suggests that tonight will be the night that she pushes you past your limits.

If you’re trussed up in heavy bondage,  she has the impact toys laid out and your mouth is gagged you may have to trust your partner’s instincts. She’s into you because you’re into her and you bring out her inner sadist.  Yes, the play will probably hurt a bit more than usual afterward, but you’ll feel a deeper mutual commitment with her.  If you go through with it, you’ll develop a greater depth of experience of #bdsm play.

In the second scenario, you’re in an LTR or possibly married to your partner. She has come to understand your fantasies and has been making these a reality. Now she wants something more than an exciting night. She wants a deeper commitment from you to the special service she is giving. She wants you to belong to her in body and soul.

Sure, you might be married and you often say “I love you” to her but she wants something deeper. She wants you to reveal your deepest secrets to her and she wants her desires to become yours. She wants a life partner.

In either scenario, when this happens, when your greatest fantasies are about to become reality, what do you do?

In a previous post I outlined several typical reactions guys might have.

The most likely reactions are:

you’re afraid your relationship with your partner will change if you go down the rabbit hole.

If you submit to her more fully, what happens to your freedom? If it’s only during play sessions, you’re free when it’s over.  If it’s an LTR, you have to trade off your power for deeper D/s. This could lead to a TPE, but it’s up to you and your partner.

you’re really embarrassed that she’ll learn about your darker secrets.

If you’re in a loving relationship or with a long-time play partner you should have enough trust in her to not use these secrets against you.

you’re afraid your friends, family or associates will find about your fetishes and not respect you.

If your friends or family haven’t found out your secrets, chances are they won’t anytime soon. If they do there is some “collateral damage” that you’ll have to work on. It won’t be easy. But the need to meet her deeper desires should far outweigh what others think.

you fear you’ll lose the equality aspects of your relationship.

The imbalance of power with a lifestyle partner in a D/s relationship can happen. But you and your partner can control when this happens. Compare what you lose with the precious gift you’ll gain from your partner.

you think you’ll become addicted to the #bdsm lifestyle.



If you’re not addicted by now, you may be soon. As with many things, do the power exchange in moderation. Don’t forget, she has to live her life too.

(pictures from Pleasing Miss Pearl  )


About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - mid 20's
This entry was posted in bdsm, bdsm-culture, femdom, flr, relationships, submission and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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