Going to the next level – from a sub to a slave

Midori remarked that relationships with  BDSM are “3 Dimensional” like any other relationship and not solely about the kink .

BDSM, like sex, is one of many dimensions to a relationship. You may start with bdsm play with your partner and over time other “dimensions” (such as sex) develop. The bdsm is the binding that keeps your relationship special. It is frequently reinforced by protocols & rituals.

Guys, if you’ve been subbing to your partner for a while, there may come a time when either or both of you want to take it to the next level…a lifestyle #TPE.  I found this illustration on Miss Pearl’s tumblr:

take it to the next level?

maybe we’ve had enough role play. Why don’t we take it to the next level?


Many subs are afraid to go on to the next level (the TPE of bdsm)…because of fear – their “topFromBottom” is a defensive strategy

Check this discussion :

BDSM has to be primarily about the dynamic: D/s,

For submissives, this is a big problem.

…once we start on this path there’s no going back. We fear that the darkness will consume us.

The natural response is to cling onto control, to go, Dominate me but make me wear this and you must do that and then you have to say this thing and I’ll do that other thing but you won’t make me do that thing and…

In other words to be a “Pushy Sub” and to “Top from the Bottom”.


A bdsm lifestyle might not be that much different from the life you already have. Brian618 posted that most Domme’s will accept  one of these levels of submission:

  1. UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one’s Mistress, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when he will serve.

  2. PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominants property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave’s free time.

The first is for those who would like to keep their relationship as a STR. The second is for guys who have to make a living but want as much of a LTR as possible.

If you are going for an LTR with BDSM as a primary focus, you may need to change your way of thinking about the BDSM. Couples who want to solidify their unique relationship may do well to consider how they can work out the TPE exchange with D/s reinforcement.

Guys, you can start by simple changes to your behavior:


When men interrupt women because they “believe” that what they have to say is somehow more important #manterrupting http://bit.ly/2dEv7jS

And begin to develop the habit of considering your partner’s needs first before yours.

For some, this is a big change. If you succeed, you may be happy in your special relationship.










About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm, femdom, relationships, submission and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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