Are hierarchical relationships contrary to polyamory? Is a non-hierarchy ” a way to avoid commitment”? Are all relationships somewhat unbalanced?
This originally started as a facebook comment, then became a tumblr rant, then became a FetLife note. Finally it’s a blog post too!!
I’m so tired of the assumption that hierarchical polyamory is inherently normative, relationship escalator oriented, and exclusionary.
People often talk about poly in the context of being akin to loving/having multiple friends. So how is the concept of a primary different than having a best friend? One can have multiple primaries, just as one can have multiple best friends. Just because you have that categorization, it doesn’t mean that you’re somehow giving your other friends or partners the shaft – it simply means you’ve formed a unique type of relationship with whoever you’ve agreed upon that label with.
On the other side of things, I’ve often felt like being strictly non-hierarchical is often used as a way to avoid commitment, or otherwise treat people as “easy to…
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