Polyamory and Kink

Can intimacy be separated from sex? Can one member of a couple want a polyamorous relationship and the other stay monogamous? Can people limit their polyamory to sex while preserving intimacy in their monogamous relationship?

Nikki_Blue said in a recent post:

as kinky as I am, I have pretty traditional views when it comes to monogamy…But part of what allows me the freedom to have so few limits with my boyfriend is knowing I’m the only one he’s intimate with. I see things differently now though. While intimacy and sex are often intertwined, they can also be separated entirely. And now that I understand this, I’m more secure in our relationship than ever

She goes on to point out that  “I’m a one cock woman”.

I understand her mono position completely. It is often more common in women in men.

I’m not sure he wants more than permission to swing with others while supporting Bleu’s “one-cock” position. Can he have repeated sex with someone and not eventually become intimate with them?

I have nothing against swinging. I think swinging is common among couples who wish to preserve their monogamous status and both members of the couple are swinging with another couple (usually) at the same time. Blue’s bf wants to “swing” (i.e. have sex-only affair(s) with others) from time to time, but Bleu does not want to swing.

Some couples who are involved in kink can separate their bdsm relationship from sex-only relationships with others: “I don’t care if he has sex with her, but he will submit to me only”.

Usually conflicted relationships (one poly, one mono) are doomed to fail eventually. I wish them well.

About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in bdsm, polyamory, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Polyamory and Kink

  1. Nikki Blue says:

    In polyamory or any open relationship, the key to making it work is having something that is yours and yours alone. Something that is not shared or engaged in with another. Also, an open relationship is not considered swinging. I thank you for your well wishes, but again we are not poly or swingers or doomed to fail. I’m not implying that you are, but it’s easy for people to judge from the outside in. And nobody can really say how they would react to a certain situation until they are faced with it themselves. We are committed to our relationship. It works for us. And if physical release is what gets him off from time to time, I’m good with that. Ultimately, I’m the one who gives him what he needs.


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