Getting off the Relationship Escalator

The relationship escalator is one that ends in heterosexual monogamy. Of course, there are many who cannot or will not take this path in a relationship. It is also possible that one person in a relationship may want to get on the “escalator” and the other(s) do not for their reasons, experience or inclinations. Most of my friends are NOT on this “escalator” if only because of their college-age or economic status during a prolonged recession (depression). I believe many of them will Never get on the “escalator” and end up in “happy marital bliss”.

Why are many not getting on the heterosexual-marriage-track? One word: “freedom”.  Our sexual activities are no longer restricted by religion, community shunning, etc. We are also discovering that raising a family does not require a marriage certificate.

Despite our ventures into new relationships, there is still the baggage of insults that we carry (sometimes without being aware) with our attitudes toward alternative lifestyles. I frequently hear direct and direct insults aimed at gays, lesbians, pan-sexual and those in the bdsm community. “Bro, no homo”, “Dykes on Bikes”, “Drag Queen Fag”, “Sex slave”, etc… I understand that some guys use these insults to build bonding within groups. Others mouth the insults without thinking who may be listening. If we want to evolve into alternative lifestyles, we have to present positive messages about them to counter the background of insults.

aggiesez wrote in this post:

How much awareness and respect you accord other relationship choices ultimately affects everyone who might consider, or perhaps truly need, a relationship that’s somehow off the escalator

my comment:

Well explained. I do see some of these steps (short of marriage) in kink folk who are “monogamish”, but not as much positive correlation with those in open relationships (there are some steps that polyamorous people oppose such as exclusivity). I think if you took the final step (marriage) off, you might find these steps common to many dyadic relationships (i.e. couplings). Unfortunately western society is biased toward heterosexual, marriage-family-oriented relationships but is beginning to “accept” at least same-sex ones (but is still intolerant of polyamorous, bdsm, etc.) relationships. At least the psychology/psychiatry organizations are questioning the blanket categorization of non-escalator relationships as deviant from the “norm”. To put it simply, when you’re off the escalator, you can be easily marginalized. awareness of the escalator and the possibility that many are similarly excluded can lead to empowerment.

It is strange, but true, that folks who are in an alternative lifestyle also hurl insults at others in alternative lifestyles. Many gay men loath lesbians. BDSM “heteroflexible” people dislike gays. “Monogamish” people (such as Dan Savage) distrust polyamory, etc.

Many social scientists claim that heterosexual marriages outlast other relationships in Western culture. It doesn’t help the case for alternatives when many social institutions (including religions, governments, etc. ) promote or give advantages to heterosexual marriage.

Alternative lifestyles have much societal resistance that our generation can overcome. But we need to start examining our own cultural biases.

About dave94015

interested in alternative relationships, visual artist, erotic romance writer and reviewer of erotica, drug rehab clinic intern - early 30's
This entry was posted in polyamory. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s