There are many blogs that give advice on bdsm-themed relationships. Much of it is good, but also conflicting. Old-guard, new-style, pro, lifestyle…the choices seem overwhelming. It’s refreshing to follow how (it appears) a real [hetero, monagamish] couple develop a female-dominant, male-submissive relationship through a series of “straight” (i.e. vanilla) dates.
In a recent post here Mr. & Miss B write on their interpretation of the fourth date. They appear to be attracted to each other in the usual way but unaware of their secret desires (she wants to dominate a man, he wants to submit to a woman).
Miss B. sees the possibility of a permanent relationship with Mr. B. The dynamics of her desired relationship (where she dominates) have a priority over her physical attraction to him.
Toward the end of the date, Miss. B reflects:
I had already committed myself to telling him about that I expected a relationship where I was in complete control and eventually, that I loved him. Then I could take him physically…
Mr. and Miss B (now a couple) recall the minefield of relationship pitfalls to attain the bdsm relationship both want.
Usually (for the academic-minded, check a small study by cutler ) there is more conflict (where one wants something the other does not want) between femdom-malesub couples than with the maledom-femsub couples. Is this due to the “normative” effect of male-dominated culture? Do women feel reluctant to dominate men? Do men feel humiliated to acknowledge their submissiveness to women?
Mr & Miss B’s dates are an interesting read!